Very Late

    That post that I kept saying I would do, sadly, is not to be now. I was planning to do a whole post on Cadair Braeden and some of the freebies available there, along with some discount/cheap things. That is not to be because Cadair is not existing in the same state any longer. I am so happy it still exists, which makes me beyond thrilled because I count it as my home after all these years, but it is different. Smaller. Still pretty, if more even. Still with the people I know. But smaller. I don't mind small, sometimes small works.
    But, there is part of that post I can still do, which is to essentially advertise for my friend, Mederia's, store. She has this lovely gatcha that is only 12 lindens (!) per play, and the ultra rare is that you get all of the necklaces. Of course I forgot to take a picture of the gatcha itself, but there are eighteen necklaces to play for; some stone colored, some metal colored, some natural colors, some with a light or dark version available separately. The stones are the rare. So, if you get the ultra rare, for 12 lindens, you'll get four rares, plus all the other necklaces. It's actually probably the best gatcha setup I have seen, since it is the cheapest one I have heard of so far.
 

Twig Necklace in Amythest

 

    Mederia had been nice enough to pass me one of her necklaces, of my choice, since she claims I helped her somehow. Still doubtful of that, but lovely necklace yet. That's just one of the colors, and there are more to be had, same style, different colors. I really do think you ought to give it a shot if you ever happen to want a leafy sort of necklace for whenever. Or even if you 'just' like accessories.

   Taxi here ( *Mederia* ) for anyone who reads and wishes to go. ( she has nice non-gatcha stuff, too, in case you wondered ;) ) Contemplate. Want. Then go and try your luck. :)

Third Rez Day

    Haven't written in a while, and still want to do one post before I go for orientation and then the actual learning part for my school. But I realized something the other day when I opened my profile; my third rez day was on the eleventh. Of course I took pics as I realized this (and partly because I wanted pictures with the new hair/pastel color that Truth has temporarily set out for free. Only the pastel pack since that's the new color pack, or so I've ehard.)

Happy Rez to me! My gift to myself? Lazyness :P

    Three years. And I'm trying to remember what I was doing when I originally signed up. I can't, but I do know that I'm still so very glad I had. My reasons are simple, and probably a bit obvious even; I've been able to fall in love with roleplay and meet some lovely people. I've been roleplaying since, well, pretty much since a few days after I created my account. I stumbled upon it, looked around for some clothes fitting enough so I could wander with an observer tag, and then...I stayed. In roleplay and on the sim I stumbled upon even. I'll admit, if I hadn't been helped by one of the roleplayers there, I would've been more lost than I already was when I actually started playing and such. But someone decided to be nice and help me find a nice basis and such for my character Armalla, and I'm grateful still to the person who helped me; without her help, I probably wouldn't have stuck around and met lovely people through the sim.
    The people I care about know how they are, and since I'm rather tired, I'll avoid anything mushy :P But I'm glad to have met them, of course, how could I not? Really all of them I've known for almost the whole three years, though December yet has more meaning than August to me. Maybe that's why the three year mark snuck up on me like it did?
    In any case, three years that I'm glad for. Especially since I've been able to...expand and try to refine my roleplay, as well as get to know these people better; only a few select people (*coughs* three *coughs*), and even with that, one or tow I know better than the others. And then, of course, I started taking pictures in SL, too. Another little hobby to help me bid my time in this virtual world. Wonder how things will look next year, if at all similar to this one or not. Guess it's jsut a matter of waiting and seeing, since I don't see myself leaving SL anytime soon.

Wondering how many more years are to be added...

Women's Colleges

    Alright, so I planned to stick to mostly Second Life things and I did have something planned; but I fear with the latter my mood isn't in the right place to do said post justice, so, even though I have the pictures waiting, they'll just keep waiting for now. I can give some update sl wise, like how I really do like Glam Affair's skims apparently, which is a bit late since i know most people probably have tried their lovely skins before; now wish I had one for my ooc avi. Also, medieval fantasy hunt still ongoing, so if interested go do it, still need to finish it myself, actually. Hm, alright, maybe very few updates sl wise, but i did try at least.
   But something else I feel like poking at is something that was actually thought of thanks to my following a link on Facebook to one of my future classmate's blogs about why she chose a women's college.
    Why am I putting this here? I've no idea, just because, I guess. Plus I did get some pictures to go nicely with it, so works at least half ways.
   So, for those of you who read this and don't know, I am going to an all women's college rather than a co-ed one, which seems more then norm now than separated schools, of course. And that's good, truly, I've gone to a community college which was full of everything you can imagine; people who wear tails (maybe a couple of them my friends), men, women, pansexuals, straight, gay, going somewhere, probably not finishing community college, black, white, mixed, and the list goes on. It was very varied, and that's what I have grown up with; variation. I thrive in a diverse environment; one year in high school my zone waiver didn't get approved and I had to go to my zone school which is predominately black and christian, literally only a handful of people my skin tone. The teachers were wonderful, and the people I met while hiding in the library to avoid the fights in the lunch room were nice, too, but it was so...monotone I, and my brother even, went to the nurse nearly every day complaining of a stomach ache. I think she knew it was jsut that we didn't click with the school, but she let us get sent home, which was only a short walk away. My GPA dropped dramatically and, well, it pretty much screwed up my graduation; I had been so close to cum laude that it still pisses me off that I 'only' graduated with regular honors. Literally only .3 or so points away.
    But I digress. My point is, I need variation, so going to an all girl's school may seem...odd, but I think I need more so the variation of races and religions and everything. The school I fell in love with by some miracle seems varied in race, varied in religion (even various religious 'groups' on campus, Moravian school or no), and , while I'm not sure on anyone's sexuality, at least has an 'Open Up' club which is for people of homo- or heterosexuality to come and meet and such things, which shows tolerance. I need that, I cannot stand close-minded people. I can't understand how they can be so closed minded and I want to hit them with a shovel for claiming things are 'wrong' because some book written forever ago says so.
    And I still digress...I know, I ramble a lot.
    As I was saying, though, even with my want for diversity, I think I could do well enough in a women's college for a few reasons. For one, I can count on one hand how many guys I've dated in my life, so it's not as if I'm going to college for that or anything; for two, I get along better with girls than guys, most of my friends being female.
    Of course I've heard the jokes about 'college lesbians' (which makes no sense, of course) being 'made' in all girls schools, but it's hardly that female colleges are only for people who like girls. It's more about the fact most of these schools were made back when it was difficult for a woman to get a higher education and had to go to schools specifically for them, usually for teaching jobs. These schools were built on a foundation of teaching women, which still can apply to today. Yes, there is a feminist vibe (and, please, if you think feminism is anything but simply wanting equality between men and women, look it up in a dictionary) but that's a given; there aren't any 'I hate men' rallies, I assure you. And that's one of the things my college wants to foster; strong women.
    Another thing that has people, even my friends, question why I am going to a women's school is that it is thought that I will more or less be cut off form all male life. No, that won't happen. There are some male professors, for starters, and, as well, there is a town nearby and time between and after classes, along with weekends, that allows for opposite gender interaction. It's not as if they keep us locked up on campus...though, apparently, my dad likes to think first years can't go off campus, and he's not allowed to know otherwise as my mom and I have agreed. So, yes, only women in my classes, but that's not really a bad thing. Let's be honest, on a large scale women are more emotional thinkers than men. I'm not going to try and pretend men and women think the same, feel the same, learn the same, and I'm not saying all women learn like other women, and the same for men; there is a difference. So, a plus with an all women's school is that the professors can teach in a way that is more beneficial to women instead of searching for a middle ground; the middle ground helping and hindering both genders in a way, unless, of course, you learn quite well with the middle ground. I can work with the middle ground, but I do know that I am an emotional thinker more often than not.
    Women's colleges are also more like private colleges, which means smaller class sizes. I love smaller classes simply because I am awful at asking questions and more or less need closer to individualized teaching. The class of 2018 is going to be their largest since a bunch of years, but they still have smaller classes; they added a teacher for their signature (mandatory) classes so they keep class sizes down. Small classes are really nice, and I always wanted a smaller school.
    Then there is the feeling of...closeness. I've only visited campus and exchanged emails and such things with my admissions counselor, and she already knows my name and face. She recognizes me, something I am so unused to. When I had gone to an overnight stay, I was about to give my name for my name tag, but she was already handing me my name tag, which was awesome! And there are some of the teachers and such I've seen a couple times, and they recognize me, too. I like that. And, form what I heard, that's something that sticks through your whole four years. I hope that'll make this step in my life a bit less nerve-wracking.
    Something else adding to this is my school's 'Big Sister, Little Sister' program, which is essentially where a junior 'Big' is paired up with a freshman 'Little' and the Bigs can be whatever the Little needs; a friend, an academic consultant, etc. Really it depends on what is needed and what not, but it's something else to add to the feeling of closeness and, as the school is sorta-kinda a sorority, the feeling of sisterhood. It could help add to a comforting feeling, which I think will help so many others coming to this school as well.
    I never planned to go to a school full of people my own gender, since I thought I would absolutely hate it. I also was under the idea that feminism was what the connotation is rather than the denotation, so I worried it would be a bunch of extremists. But then at a college fair, I found this one and it is the only one that has felt right to me. Believe me, I looked for co-ed schools that fit my criteria of being out of state and small, but this is the only one I wanted so desperately to go to.
    In short; no, I'm not turning into a crazy female rights activist who gives feminism a bad name, nor will I suddenly turn extremely girly, nor will I 'turn' lesbian. For one, you can't turn lesbian, you are it, or you are not. But, still, I'm simply going to get my education from a school specifically for women, despite the questions of 'why' I am from some people. I understand the questioning, since my younger self would be looking at present-me like I'm crazy, but it just feels like a right move to me. So, as of August 21st, I will officially be part of a women's college that has some thing with daises...and squirrels. But they also have a thing with food, and food makes me happy. Moravian Love Feast with fresh bread? I might not be any sort of Christian persuasion, but I think yes. Education is nice, too, but food wins in the end.

Warning: Image not an accurate representation of a women's college.

Breathe

    Breathe.

    Easy right?
    Yea...should be, especially when I know how this all goes...but still.
    Right now I'm more or less having an issue with that simple action, in the figurative sense, but still. There's just a few things that frustrate me at the moment, RL-wise, and some other things that make me feel worried and such things; but I'm used to this, especially during the summer as strange as that may sound. But with all this is coming a want for various things, and, granted, if certain things weren't as they were a couple things wouldn't be wanted, but, well. One of things I'm seriously starting to lean towards is something I'd more so want to talk to someone about, or, rather, just blurt out my ideas to a listening ear while working on some conclusion, though some input would be nice, too. Especially with limited resources and whatnot. But I'm bad with talking to people, asking for things, or anything...I joke about things instead. It's easier.
    But another thing, which is really why I'm bother writing this here instead of in my diary/notebook/thing I lost the key to and cannot for the life of me open (you'd think I would've learned my lesson by now about putting things where I think I'll remember them), is that one of the things I'm thinking on works to this blog. I know it's not much of a following, really I'm almost certain it's pretty much only friends of mine (which I do not mind in the least, believe me), but as an earmarker for me and just because people do actually read this. I need to breathe, think, and see if I can manage something. Mostly I'm wanting to have it be more...orderly. Right now it is true to its name; my mind's shadow and all the random in there. Of course that's sort of a type of order, but, if I can manage to figure out how to make this turn around, I'll do that. If not, it'll stay random. As it is, my plan may only last for a short while of orderness, then could easily collapse back to random. But will see.
    This may also just be because of my mood, though, so I'm not entirely certain how it will go for that reason as well. It all depends, I suppose, on what is really going on in my head which, at this point, I'm only half sure of myself. But soon the rough patches will pass and I will be able to breathe once more.

A Lost Item Found

    This is something related to something that I have written up on a NC in my inventory for something that may or may not one day happen depending on various, ehm, variables, I suppose. I know that makes little sense, but I also know there's at least one person reading who'll understand, but else, I know I make little sense most often anyhow, so I apologize.

    I work at one of the more 'fancy' sort of inns. It doubles as a tavern, yes, but for the right coin we wash clothes and such of those staying as well. My life is fairly simple, and I like it that way, always have, even though it has been disrupted once I would love for it to never be disrupted again.
    I slip outside through the back, a bundle of clothes in my arms, set them down, then get to work with washing them. I'm used to hard work and honest living, which is what I strive to have since a long while. After all, if you aren't living honest then is there much of a point to living at all? I've been called 'stiff' by some of the regulars, but I don't see it. I work hard and try to do my best in life, and I make sure the gods know I try to do as they would wish, but how does that make me stiff? Just because I do not wish to become drunk and pass out on a floor does not mean I am stiff. I may be near enough to being damned, but that isn't enough to make me do silly things. And, besides, if I did such things I wouldn't be able to afford my own small hut; I'd have to live in the tavern with some of the others. I used to, yes, but after a good few years of work, I've managed to save up enough. Some extra I have I like to send home, just in case my family could need it.
    After thoroughly washing the clothes, and hanging them up to dry, I go inside to help serve some of the patrons, as well as clean up a bit more. While I'm best at baking, that's not my duty for the day. The sun goes through the sky, soon enough the moon rising with the stars accompanying it as good friends do.
    I blow some of my hair out of my face, and look around at the night crowd as I take a brief, leaning against the wall only, break. I've been working nearly non-stop all day and, while I could have quit for the day a while ago, it's best if I work longer...especially if I want to keep sending money home.
    That's when I spot him.
    My breath catches in my throat and my eyes widen as I watch a man, most definitely a pirate, walk in. He used to only have stubble on his face, but now it is a true beard; no wonder since it has been a few years since I last saw him. Thinking I must be wrong, I push off the wall and walk over to see what they'd like to drink. His voice only confirms my suspicion...and the amulet around his neck all the more. I smile pleasantly and head back to the counter to put the ordered drinks onto a platter, feeling tears prick my eyes and anger swell up in me. The amulet...the little wooden circle with magic symbols carved around the edges. He's the man who stole it from me. He may be the man who saved me, by pure chance, but he also took that precious item from me as 'payment'.
    I'm a bit slow as I have to recollect myself and serve others as well, but as I watch him out of the corner of my eye, how he interacts with whatever woman who gets into arm's distance, I get an idea.
    As the night wears on, the captain gets all the more drunk and 'friendly'.
    "I'm a captain, ye know. You're not my usual type, but maybe ye'd like to come see me ship?," he asks, his arm around me and his lips close to my ear. I have to fight back the urge to gag.
    "I love to," I respond, smiling to him, and, with that, we get up and leave the inn. I already finished my work for the night anyway, so at least it is not as if I'm passing my work off to someone else. I almost pause as I see the ship, it being the same as the one I had found myself on when I was eighteen. I'd rather not go on it, but if I want to get my necklace back after all this time, what choice do I have?
    He leads me by the hand to his quarters, closes the door and goes to face his bed, starting to unbutton his clothes. He says something about working on my clothes in a moment, but I'm only half listening, my eyes moving around the room until they land on a telescope, that looks heavy enough. It's a hand held one, but it has enough weight on it as I realize when I pick it up and open it to its full length. "Take your time, it'll give more time for my thoughts to grow," I murmur softly in response. After taking a deep breath, I step over behind him and swing with all my might. He falls over onto his bed with a thump, and I allow myself to relax slightly then. I carefully roll him over as quickly as I can with his weight being more than mine, and pull his legs up onto the bed. The necklace lays against his bared chest. It's not as if I want the necklace for its purpose, not even the sentimental value it holds, but because I wish to bury it. The one who gave it to me, because of how his death came about, he was never able to be properly buried nor burned; the necklace must do. Once I hold the necklace in my hands again, I feel a smile form on my lips. I might have to leave the place I've made my home in for years because of this, but third time is the charm with everything, yes? Once I bury this and before tomorrow is over, I will move on again. Or, perhaps, I will send this necklace home for my family to bury or do as they wish with it. It would be better for it to be at home, even if around my brother's or sister's neck.
    Now, to get off this ship before the captain wakes up or any of the crew happen to wonder if he really did pass out because of too many drinks....

The Power of the Written and Spoken Word

    I'll admit this is something that, while I like the idea, I have been putting off because I am not a fan of how my voice sounds to my own ears. perhaps it is different to others, but to me...eh...not so much. And it only sounds strange to me when recorded, so guess will see. The following will be typed, but, if you're curious, and I apprehensively hope you are, there will be a recording of it as well, for the sake of comparison, attached at the end.
 
    People have this funny way of arguing over if writing things or speaking them is more persuasive. Personally I think that, depending upon the topic, they are more or less equal. Yes, the conveying of emotions may be limited when it comes to writing, but if you word things right it really isn't. There's a reason newspapers and various other things can incite riots simply from putting a few emotionally charged words into an article. Some words have strong connotative meanings, ones that override the dictionary definition. Such things may vary from culture to culture, even person to person, but there is still that meaning buried deep inside there. While saying 'Man retrieves cat from tree' may not be so enticing, stating 'Man rescues pet from tree' gives it a bit more meaning. Retrieves compared to rescues, and pet compared to simply cat, is enough to give more than the simple facts do. Little words like that, when used correctly, can evoke a response.
    Voice, too, has its pluses, of course. You can hear the emotion, feel it, without any added benefit of emotional words; of course adding those only drives the point home. You can hear if someone is near to tears or simply passionate about an issue, the changing tones and octaves of one's voice can lead to just as big a reaction as written words. We may generally take our voices for granted when it comes to this, but it is true. And some people have simply wonderful voices that make it so it is most certainly better that they speak things than write them.
    In Second Life, you do not have but so much of a choice. Sure, you can opt for using voice, but that doesn't always means it'll work or that others even can hear you. The generally used media would be typed words, which, of course, is usually accompanied by an emoticon, a simple 'lol', or some emote depending on what is going on. Those various additions you don't see in much besides casual conversation, can add to things as well. It does leave the chance for people to misconstrue meanings, which is probably why the additions are relied upon, but you can still get a point across. Really, I think that we feel a need to use those other bits than 'just' words because we don't want to have someone misunderstand since they cannot hear us nor see our facial expressions.
    Even when you use your voice, too, if you, perhaps, are more of a monotone person, you may rely more heavily on your facial expression and hand gestures. Words aren't always enough to get a point across with either medium, but they are a good base and can do some damage when necessary. So much ill will can be caused because of a carefully placed word here and there, in both lives, with voice or written things. There's a reason drama is abound in SL.
    Both ways have their upsides, but they also have their downsides. As I mentioned, the downside to writing is it is easier to misunderstand, but with actually speaking...well, you may stumble over your own words more often or you might not be able to give as educated sounding an answering and instead flail your hands about trying to explain the word you forgot (I know I do that often enough). I know that sometimes my smart sounding words don't make it form my brain to my tongue...and then my tongue does all this stuff that I swear I didn't tell it to do; I'm pretty much convinced it has a mind of its own half the time. But when I'm typing I could, in theory, look words up. I don't personally, because I'm lazy and I have a backup not as smart word anyway when my brain just draws a blank. Or I just describe something. I admit to doing so in both speaking in writing; of course I can't use my hands in the latter to 'shape out' what it is I'm talking about, so if I want to give a timely response, I have to revert to simple description like 'the wood thing holding the awning up'. But for people who are a bit less lazy, they may look such things up and be able to give a halfways dignified response, whereas if they were speaking they'd have to do something else more than likely.
    It really depends on what you want to get across and to how many people if voice or writing is the best way to go. If you want people to hear things exactly how you do, then voice is clearly what you want. But if you want to get a point across and call it a day, perhaps writing would be more the way to go. Either way, it is mostly the wording, and the extra add-ons, that do count.

    And, as promised, my spoken version...please be kind... If you hear water running in the background, sorry, my fish tank. I also realize I'm stuttering and pausing, but I'm keeping it that way, since my point is general speaking and writing, not practiced and manicured. So...hope you put up with it and enjoy :)
    Oh, and, of course, feel free to listen/read at the same time. There are pics, and it's on youtube, but only because I couldn't get this up here without going through movie maker and youtube >.>

Away

    This pretty much sums up how I've been feeling recently. Well, more so how I felt some days ago, and a little bit now, but now it's more so I'm wanting to just curl up and sleep. I'm tired, but I can never sleep when I should, which is just awful, and then I want to sleep for a variety of reasons; one being I'm currently waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop since Friday. Will see how that goes whenever my phone decides to buzz, could just be my eternal pessimism, but I'm not sure. 

    The wanting to just up and go is something completely different. It's not born from a want to leave those I care about, but just a want to...go. Wanderlust, perhaps. I may be going to another state in August, and that makes me all sorts of nervous, but what doesn't make me nervous is the thought, hope,that  I'll end up in Europe (Germany if life decides to be nice to me) some day. I do things by feeling, rarely do I apply logical thought to anything until after the fact, and going over there is one of those things that just calls me. As it is, if I won the lottery or some way else was able to just up and go to anywhere in Europe, I'd take it. I would go and figure it out from there no matter which point of my life I'm at. I don't like risks, I loathe them with a fiery passion, but when I've a good feeling about something...I do it. I go for it and I hope that I'm right. It may seem rather nonsensical, but that's simply how I operate. 

    As I said, this is still a feeling inside of me, a bit overtaken by my current state, but it's still there. It was worse a bit ago where I was dreaming up various fantasies involving my great-great (think it's two greats) aunt from Germany, some second or third cousins that I know exist but have yet to meet because they live across the Atlantic, and other things. I don't care when in my life I'll do it, but as soon as I've the opportunity, I know I'll go for it. I'll go off to wherever and see what I can do with that. Set down new roots and such. Before I actually obtain my degree, after, when I'm a hundred years old, I honestly don't care so long as I do manage this. There are few things I desperately want in life, and this is certainly one of them. Why? I'll find out when I get there.