Away

    This pretty much sums up how I've been feeling recently. Well, more so how I felt some days ago, and a little bit now, but now it's more so I'm wanting to just curl up and sleep. I'm tired, but I can never sleep when I should, which is just awful, and then I want to sleep for a variety of reasons; one being I'm currently waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop since Friday. Will see how that goes whenever my phone decides to buzz, could just be my eternal pessimism, but I'm not sure. 

    The wanting to just up and go is something completely different. It's not born from a want to leave those I care about, but just a want to...go. Wanderlust, perhaps. I may be going to another state in August, and that makes me all sorts of nervous, but what doesn't make me nervous is the thought, hope,that  I'll end up in Europe (Germany if life decides to be nice to me) some day. I do things by feeling, rarely do I apply logical thought to anything until after the fact, and going over there is one of those things that just calls me. As it is, if I won the lottery or some way else was able to just up and go to anywhere in Europe, I'd take it. I would go and figure it out from there no matter which point of my life I'm at. I don't like risks, I loathe them with a fiery passion, but when I've a good feeling about something...I do it. I go for it and I hope that I'm right. It may seem rather nonsensical, but that's simply how I operate. 

    As I said, this is still a feeling inside of me, a bit overtaken by my current state, but it's still there. It was worse a bit ago where I was dreaming up various fantasies involving my great-great (think it's two greats) aunt from Germany, some second or third cousins that I know exist but have yet to meet because they live across the Atlantic, and other things. I don't care when in my life I'll do it, but as soon as I've the opportunity, I know I'll go for it. I'll go off to wherever and see what I can do with that. Set down new roots and such. Before I actually obtain my degree, after, when I'm a hundred years old, I honestly don't care so long as I do manage this. There are few things I desperately want in life, and this is certainly one of them. Why? I'll find out when I get there.

Growing Up

    And once more I'm unable to sleep. I'm tired, as I've been more often than not lately, but soon as I try to sleep, I fail miserably..except during the day time when a thirty minute nap quickly turns into two hours. Super fun. Probably won't be asleep until the sun starts to rise again, but one can hope, right?
    Anyhow, on to what this is actually about: growing up. Okay, not growing up in the tradition sense, but in a...changes of avatar way. I don't mean switching between hair colors every other day or shapes or skins or whatever, but I mean, if you have a normal every day look and you start to change it slowly over time. I know Armalla, my roleplay character for a few years now, has had a few 'growing' changes in her appearance; style of clothing in a very small way, eyes, and her skin. Not to mention her shape which I've tweaked the tiniest of bits, basically to make it so her legs aren't so thin.
    But my 'usual' OOC look has changed some, too. I've changed the shape a bit, slowly, over time, my average hair color is the same, skin has changed a bit thanks to group gifts and the like, and recently I've been suing brown eyes (or sorta kinda silver android eyes) more than hazel. Now, the last thing I have a good reason for; the hazel eyes I have are meh and I'm picky with hazel coloring. Some are too bright, other too dark, and other things that make me not go for it. But, on the other hand, I love these silver-ish eyes I have from ~*By Snow*~, which were a freebie I picked up when I had some idea for a picture I never took, and, while they are meant for more robot thingies, I like them. They're pretty. (These ones.) So I use them sometimes. I also have a nice set of brown eyes, add that to my mild weakness for brown eyes and...well...I've started using those a bit, too. Don't get me wrong, I love using hazel, but I'm picky. Very picky when it comes to that shade. And I've looked through marketplace without managing to find a freebie or so that is good enough for me.
    I'll admit to using blonde hair OOC wise, too. Usually that's either because it seems to fit better, or if the only color of the hair that seems to fit I have is blonde. Switching between brunette and blonde actually doesn't seem that strange to me, but that may have something to do with Armalla being a blonde and how used I am to that by now.

Yep. Blonde haired and brown eyed, it happened.

   
    But what I'm trying to get at with all this is that, over time, avatars grow a little in their own way. Assuming you don't change things all the time and, as mentioned, have a 'usual', or two, look(s). You find better skins, decide you like certain eyes better, or a new hair color, etc. Avatars have this capability to grow up so that the picture you have from maybe a few months back will and won't look like a current picture, much like how your ten year old self probably did and didn't look like your sixteen year old self. If you count by years with SL, then you will definitely not look the same if you like to keep updated with new things; basically that just means perhaps you'll look similar, but as newer model fitted with mesh instead of system layers and flexi hair. Though flexi and system layers are still used and can be gorgeous for certain things, two of my favorite shorter styles have are mainly flexi with one of them 'only' have a mesh attachment I've never used, they aren't the 'new' thing. I suppose you could compare updating an avatar with the sleeker items to buying a new model of whatever car.
    I can look back on older pictures, or just go through my saved outfits, and see the differences. As it is, last night, I updated my elven huntress look a bit, but didn't find a sim fitting for pictures. The only real difference is that I used my now OOC skin, the Slink add-ons, different (same colored) eyes, and an outfit for another character of mine. I used the same twisted, flexi bun style. I still used the one pair of sculpted elf ears I have. Same sculpted necklace. So, yes, it looks more like that elf of mine has grown a little bit instead of changing completely. (Curious of what look I mean, click here.)
    And as I look through blogs and Flickr, I see other avatars 'growing up'. Mesh heads, at least the Slink Visage one, give various avatars an older, more 'proper' appearance instead of a rounder face. If you follow this link, it'll actually take you to a side by side comparison; same everything minus the head. If you look through really anyone's SL Flickr not only can you see the change in their photography skills, but also the maturing of their avatar. For example, this is one of my older photos (can't post it up since, sadly, it's on my older hardrive/a flash drive, so would take some digging), and this is newer. Differences? Quite a bit. And you can find other things like that by being bored or curious and nosing through people's Flickrs.
    So they grow up, not as we do, but in their own way. As newer things come out or we feel a need for an updated look, they grow. Actually the need for an updated look may have something to do with most people not wanting to stay stagnant and the same all the time. We change without even thinking about it, without putting any effort into it, but our avatars need a little push. They have to changed with prior thought on it, with energy expended on finding what you what, or just stumbling upon it. While humans as a whole are weird, most liking but loathing change at the same time, change is still something we need, even virtual change. Maybe you keep your avatar the same minus changing to mesh hair and clothes or whatever, but, perhaps, if you have a skybox or something, you change that around every now and again. Adding something, taking away something else. It's not the same, of course, but it's close.
    I think that adding the concept of growing up to our avatars breathes a bit more life into them. You can think of the pixels as 'just' changing when you change them, but growing up seems to be a correct term to me somehow. I'm not sure if I'm expressing myself right with this, and I know it's only in a more rhetorical sense, but I'm hoping at least someone reading this understands what I mean and might be able to phrase it better. Perhaps after I get some sleep I'll take another crack at it, but pictures speak a thousand words and I think pictures is the best way to show this. So go look at someone's Flickr, you'll see what I mean.

Fashion for Life and Layers of Anonymity

    First, a bit of random, and I blame the fact my brain seems to be not working at a hundred percent today, as well that I sort of fangirled over something I saw on a suscriber notice. (Swear I felt my mental gears just stop working for a few seconds earlier today when I'd been in the middle of a post. Hopefully sleep will end up remedying this.) But the random is that the Fashion for Life event started recently, and, if you're like me, you like to go peek at the builds of these events and fairs that crop up. The whole general theme of this event is transportation, which is represented in different ways on the different sims; so that should be interesting. Granted I've recently found I like better to look around these things not on my lonesome, so...we'll see how that goes. Likely will end up as another late night excursion, but shall see how that goes yet since I've yet to ask anyone anything. Okay, fine, one person because I don't know really anybody else I'd want to ask but still.
    Ehm, but the event does have the proceeds benefiting Relay for Life, so that's always a plus as cancer is not fun. It's actually a pretty widespread thing, when you think about it. Not good and something that will take a while to actually find cures for. Thankfully I don't know anyone who has truly had cancer affect them, the closest I've had to deal with is a brief thing with my dad and skin cancer which was caught really early so couldn't develop but so much. Taken care of, so all good there. But there's enough people who have had to see loved ones die form it and...it's never a good thing. Especially if you end up labeled as terminal. But there's always hope things will be made better for future generations. I highly doubt it'll be in my lifetime, or even the next generations, but who knows, right?
    When people design things for an event, and when it's benefiting something like this, they seem to do really well with the sims. Like the Fantasy Faire, for example. Gorgeous sims, good cause. And that has me more wanting to go look at the sims for this event sometime. I'm also going to leave this link here because it made me tear up a little (maybe it's just because of how I am it did, or maybe not, hard to tell) and because I just found it so very...amazing in its own right. Jewelry put together from beyond almost. Click here to read, if curious.

    Now, this half will contrast quite a bit with the first half, though it follows along the liens of creativity. So that's why there's a random picture above this; might replace it later when I'm awake enough to take a new, fitting pic and for a reason to play with a prop and pose pack from the Serafilms Labyrinth event. I'm also going to warn the following is a bit long, so...bare with me. If this wasn't on the very public internet and just a conversation with a friend, it would be longer. So count yourself lucky.
    But earlier today I was talking to someone and I mentioned my lack of creativity. See, that's the thing...I don't lack in creativity when it comes to small scale things, just larger, more than one or two people things. Currently I have Armalla in the middle of plotting something that just popped into my head during a rp the other day, and hopefully this idea will come to fruition soon since I'm kind of excited for it, even if it'll end awfully for her. I know, I'm an awful person for looking forward to such a thing, but...it'll be different, and fun in its own way. Like her being stuck with a demon was fun in its own way, so shall this be. One of those things that has you sit there, wondering just exactly how this'll work, basically. Anyhow, that's just one little example that isn't even really a matter of my having creativity, just that I can bullshit ideas off of other people's starting points. But, still, it's a small scale thing. If it involved more than two others, I would have not come up with that probably.
    Or, worse, I would have and not have said anything.
    What I think is my real problem, is that I come up with larger scale ideas from time to time, but I don't act on them because I'm afraid of someone correcting me, publicly or privately. More worried about the publicly bit, but either way it would have my confidence be shot. I know this is how I would feel from past experience.
    If anyone reading this has ever been a lead on a rp sim, then you know you're expected to come up with at least one idea, no matter if there are multiple leads or not; the others will come up with ideas and you'll kind of just...be in a corner if you don't. I love my corner, I love being under the radar, less drama that way, but sometimes being in a corner is a really bad thing. Really bad. I have small ideas come to mind from time to time, but I never say anything on them because I don't want to be doing something wrong and end up having to be corrected. I don't want to be corrected because I know my confidence will drop for a bit and I'll just feel plain stupid for thinking whatever the idea may be.
    I've played on the sim I'm on for a few years now, and I want to do something, but I'm too nervous to. I want to give, but there's nothing for me to with how rare my ideas really are. Now, ask me to decorate something, or take a picture, and I can do that...just...not come up with larger ideas that I feel confident enough in to speak up on it. Let alone just try slipping it in there without saying anything prior. As it is, there's a reason my character's magic stands as it is, and why she hardly uses it, and why I'm really, extremely careful when it comes to magic type posts when I'm around people who I am not comfortable with. Same reason why I don't put forth ideas when I have them if in relation to larger things.
    There are people who send notices on things that I could never dream of sending a notice on, because I'd be nervous and not want to be told to not do that or something else. And I'm just talking about the guild I'm one of the IC leads of, not the whole sim. Trying to work on it, though, so I don't feel like a dead weight.
     The real reason of my writing on this is because...I think it's something to do with how my own personal anonymity is lowered quite a bit when it comes to Cadair, the sim that's more or less like a home to me by this point. While SL is, as I've stated a few times before, a rather anonymous place, as is granted by the online world, once you've been in a place long enough, it's basically gone. This applies more to those who frequent roleplay sims, I think, since, if you stay long enough, your character (if you don't change characters every other week) and/or your avatar is more or less known by at least a few people. Granted, I'm more in the corner, like I've said, because of my own insecurities, but with others, admins aside, they are known. You know they are there. Whether you like it or not, they're there. Now, chances are if it's not liked they're there, then it's not for good reasons they're known, but still. One of my friends is known by a healthy amount of people because of all that she's done and organized and thought of; and I'm not even going to mention the fact she owns a fantasy shop which actually has some neat things. (Cue shameless advertising) I also have known Taeem since before he was an admin, and he did a lot before he was pushed up to admin, so you can bet people knew/know who he was/is.
    That is just two examples of people who aren't exactly anonymous anymore for good reasons.
    Yes, of course, you still can have your RL self hidden away behind the screen, but you still hold the potential to be known if you've been around someplace, and have actually done things, since you've been there. If you do things, you will loose a layer of that secretiveness. I never really thought of that as a possibility until today when I started thinking about how people I know are names pretty solidly associated with the sim, which leads to them being more in the spotlight and heard of. And the fact they are heard of...it's sort of like with celebrities, though to a lesser degree; you know of them, you might know a few things done, but you don't really know them until you interact with them. But, of course, on a roleplay sim chances are you did interact with them at some point. And no one is lining up for autographs from these known people. Like I said, a few differences, but similar in its own way.
    Thinking of anonymity as something with layers actually seems to be an accurate description. Only so many will get past certain layers, and depending on where you are and what you do, a layer or two may just be gone by default. Strangers get halted quickly. Acquaintances a bit further. Friends even deeper. Family and significant others even further, though friends may be on par with these two groups depending on how you are. Nothing is ever really one sided, or as simple as you'd like to think it, not even if the mysterious thing of being anonymous.

Getting Personal

    I'm finally awake enough to do this. Either I've been trying (and failing) to sleep, or I've had a headache. But I'm managing tonight, since I was determined, especially since this is probably the last night for the whole week I can stay up late. I intend to enjoy that fact as much as I can. So, anyway, onward!
    I had been wanting to this week's Monday Meme, but only getting to it now because tired and/or headaches got in the way. But I'm doing it now, so it's something, yes? But this week Strawberry Singh asked 20 questions, and I just couldn't resist, so here's my bit on this.
 
    Meme instructions: Answer the following 20 personal questions about your Second Life.

1. When and how did you discover Second Life? Simple answer would be boredom plus seeing it being advertised, so had to check it out in August of 2011. (Seems like so much of a shorter time O.o)
2. Did you know about virtual worlds before or was this your first experience with them? Yes, yes I did. Granted none of them kept my attention for long, since things like World of Warcraft and stuff I only joined 'cause my brother convinced me to, but when he'd move on to his console video games, I would get bored quickly. Very quickly. I loved making my own character, just not the run-of-the-mill questing and such. But I'd never done anything even vaguely similar to Second Life before.
3. Has Second Life met your expectations?  I didn't have any expectations, so I guess it has? I mean, it's kept me entertained this long (well, the people I've met moreso) so it met something.
4. If you could teleport back tot he first ten minutes of your avatar's slife, what would you tell yourself? Don't take that brief break because you get a bit bored, nothing wrong with meeting a lovely person or two before December. 
5. How long did it take you to master flying and driving vehicles inworld? Flying I was too terrified to try until I got a decent connection going on, and when I did do it, didn't crash at all. Sort of. As for driving a vehicle...only 'drove' a bike before, if that counts. I was decent with that at least.
6. Do you have a mystery alt? No. I have very few alts, and at least one friend knows of all of them. And two are probably a bit obvious they're me simply because they're connected to my main roleplay character, so...
7. Is your SL avatar a reflection of you, or someone you wished you could be? All me, definitely. My personality doesn't change from offline to on, and when I'm moving about OOC I look pretty much the same...only my avatar is prettier by default (But I'm toa  point where I'm comfotable with ym body as is.) and has a bigger wardrobe and can 'dye' her hair easily enough. Now, when roleplaying that's a bit different and I could on with that, but that is more or less expected there. 
8. Is there an individual you met in SL that has inspired you in your RL? How? I know people have inspired my RL, and names do come to mind and I'm sure they know who they are, but I'm not so sure on the how just yet. Ask me again in a few years and I'll know by then. 
9. Do you feel it is easier to create stronger bonds/relationships with people you meet inworld as opposed to the real world? I think they're equal...almost. Difference is you need more of an emotional/mental connection in SL, while in RL most things start out with looks or inner circles. Though in SL, inner circles can introduce you to people but I've yet to see that personally. Though, depending on how you look at it, SL can have stronger bonds, and so can RL. RL holds the physical plus, and SL has the purely mental thing going on. Depends on how you look at it, I guess. Personally, I have people in both worlds who I would loathe to lose.
10. Did you ever imagine or believe people could fall in love with someone they never met before Second Life? I never heard of people falling in love with pen pals before, but I did think that people could fall in love with people they've never met. I'm a born romantic thinker, so these sorts of things are easy for me to believe. Especially with the thought that looks aren't what has people fall in love, but rather the mental and emotional connection, which can be brought about just by speaking to someone with closed eyes.
11. How has your perspective of dating changed (or not) since you started playing Second Life? Hm, can't say it's really changed. I see relationships that start and hold in SL as long-distance relationships, assuming the people involved live a long while away from one another. Relationships take work, and sometimes they work out, sometimes not, and that's no different no matter what world the relationship starts in.
12. How has your perspective of employment changed (or not) since you started playing Second Life? Well...I'm not really sure. I mean, like Strawberry, I never thought that people could actually earn a decent income with virtual things. I knew people could earn money from little creative things and setting up an online shop, but I never thought a virtual medium could bring about cash. Though I did figure that if people sold and made things in a virtual world, they could support themselves in that world, else...not really.
13. Name three things in both your lives that overlap each other significantly. Um...writing, friends, and....my love of random cute/silly things? Or maybe rather just my personality as a whole.
14. If you could live your life more immersively in a virtual world, would you? (Kind of like the Matrix) Oh boy, probably I would. As much of a risk it could be, I would be too tempted to not...plus, it would be kind of neat. I can't quite word the why it would be neat at the moment, but there is a why there somewhere.
15. How do you think behavior changes for people if they're inworld vs in the real world? Why do you think that is? Some people act differently, more 'boldly' (not exactly in a good way), more manipulative, inworld and that would be attributed to the fact that they can hide behind an avatar. And other people are allowed to be more free with how they are on the inside than they could in the real world.
16. How has Second Life consumerism changed your perception of of spending habits, the value of money, the need to be "bleeding edge" with fashion? I've never really cared about fashion, only about what I like to wear. As for money...I'm as, eh, frugal, that's a nice word for it, in RL as I am in SL. Whenever I have lindens, it stretches out for a long while, especially since they're usually earmarked for my roleplay character. Though even if they weren't, still think they'd last a while. 
17. Do you think virtual worlds like SL drive and redefine human interaction or do they narrow and limit it? I actually touched this topic in a final paper of mine. But, ah, anyhow, I think both. I mean, on one hand, it shrinks the world and allows communication between people who would probably never have met else. Two of the people I count myself as closest to in way of SL, are far, far away and I highly doubt I'd have met them if it wasn't for SL. On the other hand, these worlds also allow for limitation, like people never talking to people that actually live near them. Of course that's a worse case scenario, but it's completely possible.
18. If technology progressed tomorrow to allow you to send emotions to people the way you'd send text or voice messages, would it enrich your SL experience or infringe on it? Hm...I would be freaked out at first, but might adjust, if I could choose who gets my emotions and who I receive them from. Some people I do not want to know that sort of things, and others I would like their emotions to stay at the end of a ten foot stick. It would be interesting either way, though, and very good for relationships of all sorts, I would think.
19. Name three skills you attribute to having learned or honed in Second Life alone. Photography, reactive (rather than planning the end) writing, and...hm...how to write for a guy's reactions. The last one is kind of iffy since I couldn't write first person for a guy nor roleplay as one, but I think, since I am honestly trying to get something near a book/short story done, that the actions of the men in my WIP stories are more...realistic. 
20. If your grand kids googled your Second Life avatar's name, would they be intrigued, disgusted, proud, or something else? If I ever have grand kids, then...either they'd wonder/laugh at the fact I spent time in SL or they'd expect it and think nothing of it since, well, I'd probably be as strange as I am now. 

 

    So that's that. And hopefully if there will ever be grand kids that end up googling this, I'm right with what they're thinking :P But there's this week's Monday thingy, done late by your's truly, but I procrastinate on everything anyway, so what's new? Have a lovely Sunday to anyone who's reading this.

Autoresponse

    I'm going to try and make this as non-ranty as possible, but I'm just at the done level.
    This is something that doesn't often happen to me, even when i was new and wandering the 'newbie' places did it only happen once: people making me uncomfortable. Now, I'm generally polite unless you really piss me off, and that is a hard thing to do. I have a high tolerance level, really, but certain things just have me be just...done. People rarely pay me any mind, and I like that, that's what makes it not so awkward for me to go exploring sims...but then there are the times people notice me. Back in October, I was taking some pics Halloween related and some guy ended up showing up on the sim I was on, no where near me and we were the only two there. He ended up IMing me. It went downhill fast, and I had tried being nice and polite at first until it went downhill and I just shut up.
    Might I mention random people IMing me has me be a bit wary, too, because I am just a careful person. I have had a few nice random IMs always just a short thing, most recently someone on a RP sim I was on making a comment how my char's look gave off a Margaery from Game of Thrones vibe, but others not. And the not is what has me be done. Twice within a short span of time has the not happened. Most recently tonight. I was innocently wandering around a very pretty beach sim, Baja Norte, and I passed by people since it was rather busy while looking for a place to take a pic. Some guy IMed me, and I didn't feel like answering atm, so I kept walking. I paused at a place, guy clicked to sit on something near me, sent a friend request while I was continuing on my way, I stopped someplace else, guy followed up. So instead of being a complete bitch, I replied with a hello and a 'I'm good' when asked how I was. He asked what country I'm from, and I knew where this was going, but I gave a short answer, period and all hoping he'd get the point. He only went on to ask my age. So, politely mind you, saying goodbye and telling him in as nice a way as possible that I wasn't going to share my age with a god damn stranger who was following me, I wandered off. Maybe telling him I was looking to take pics had him leave me be? Don't know. But, see, all of that is not what made me be done with all things, it's what came after: 'ok' pause 'baby'.
    No. Just no. I was tempted to tell him to not call me that in a not so nice way, but instead I just Xed out the chat box and continued on my way. Didn't feel like dealing with it.
    Now, maybe I wouldn't be so over this stuff if it wasn't for the fact some guy not too long ago IMed me, and his IM had me check my groups and if he was onsim cause I felt that uncomfortable, basically soliciting me for sex and suggesting I was in a group made for that, which I sure as hell am not. And I don't want to look through my laptop for it, but I'm pretty 'sinister smile' was in his IM. I just straight up ignored that, and he didn't carry on thankfully. The only thing that had me not feel but so uncomfortable, was that I immediately told a friend what just happened. Telling someone I trust made me feel a bit better and like I could hide behind him for a shield if need be...though I know it doesn't quite work like that in SL, the feeling was still there.
    But basically what all this means is that I now have a personalized autoresponse. I have had my autoresponse on sometimes when I'm not exactly at my keyboard, and then I forget to turn it off, but I've never changed it from the default. I always see my IMs, no matter what I'm doing, I see that blinking orange bubble. Might not respond straightaway, but I see it...unless I fell asleep or am actually afk doing something. Basically, yea, it's preemptively saying to people who might want more than just being nice, that I'm going to ignore you. Yep. Thankfully, it's so rare that someone not my friend IMs me, that I don't really have to worry about it, but I prefer something of protection from idiots. I don't like having on an autoresponse, because I am an open person, as told by this blog probably, but I feel a need to sadly.
    There are a ton of nice people in SL, but then there are those who need to be told where to shove it. I just don't feel like wasting energy telling them where that is. I'm an open person, but I don't like people asking me things that are a bit too much when I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want, etc. I also don't like people asking me if I want to cyber them, even if with only text. And I have two reasons for that A) random person, not doing you, even if only virtually and B) if I'm going to do anything the like, there's only one person I'm comfortable enough to do anything even close to the like with, and that's even only done when it's fitting to a scene and such, not 'just because'. Yea, my comfort level has to be pretty high for any intimate typing of any sort, erotic scenes aside even. Okay, so maybe that's technically three reasons, but still.
    Unfortunately with SL being rather anonymous, unless you choose for it to not be, people can be more forward or awkward or creepy or whatever you want to call it. Of course there are those sorts in RL, but it's harder to come across, at least in my experience. And, too, this all kind of reminds me, yet again, of another post I had read a bit back; if you're curious, click here.
    Now, thankfully, I've not had anything like that happen (thank you security orb and the fact I don't think any ballooners are around *double checks*) but the fact that I can relate to a few points. With the recent...interaction...I felt like tping off the sim, even though I had as much right to be there are this random guy. Even with the guy who IMed me and only mentioned a similar group (which far as I can tell was only an art group that we shared in common) I felt a need to check radar and be sure he was no where near; if he was near, I may have felt like fleeing...except again I would've let that thought go because I had a friend there. And then as well with my own being polite, when, if it was a friend of mine and I had the ability, I would've told the person to go away in a very unnice way. I was even polite to the one that I flat out ignored, since it was ignore or tell him to go jerk off to something else, again in a very unnice way. If any of the people had been explicitly rude, I would've gone off more than likely, but they weren't...not exactly at least.
    As the post I linked points out, even, girls are kind of taught to be nice and polite in all situations. I hate how I actually realize I fall into that category, but only when it comes to myself. I'm more prepared to step up for someone else than I am for myself, if it's myself I'll just take it unless someone is just outright rude and nasty. Women are taught, not directly so, to be this way more often than not because of social norms. And social norms suck because they are hard to break from once you've been trained to it. It's not on purpose, of course not, but it does happen. We're conditioned in such a way that we think we 'have' to be the polite person, and turn someone down nicely, even if we want to push them off a cliff. Enough women are not in the lines of this norm, but they tend to be considered 'different' and 'odd' as unfortunate as it is. And I only use different and odd as nice euphemisms for what someone would call a woman who might not be so nice to someone who is giving unwanted attention.
    This norm translates into both lives, which is almost worse in SL, because, short of muting someone, you can't exactly get away from them talking to you. And that leads to more of a feeling of uncomfortableness or vulnerability or whatever depending on the situation. It's not an easy thing, for me, to admit, but it's true. I just hope that it'll change a bit as time goes on, and that people will stop looking past subtle 'go away' signals.

Unfiltered

    My brain somehow seems to only start working halfways decently later at night, since earlier I was...having a few issues with normal brain function it would seem as someone who I accidentally kept awake longer than they shoulder been can attest to. And I still fell sorry for that, but I digress. My point here is that with my mind working at the current speed it is, I read this, and after getting over the fact there are apparently mesh normal people ears (besides elven and those gauges which make no sense to me in either life) I moved on to this which was linked in said post. And then I started thinking which is as equally a good thing as bad depending on what, and in this case I think it's a mix depending on if my rambling seems pointless or not. Also, sorry if I'm reiterating myself at all from my changing standards post.
    I hardly edit my pictures, ever. I do it, yes, when I want to add a certain...touch to something, but else I don't. Even then it's really just a small effect, nothing big. Granted, perhaps if I had Photoshop I might, since I've liked it since I used it in a photography class I took, but I have Gimp and, while it does quite a bit, it doesn't do near as much as the paid for photo editor. And I'll admit, I admire those SL pics that look so very close to real at first glance and wish I knew how to do that, but even if I did/could I would only do it for artful purposes, not 'just because'. I think rather much can be done to make a picture within SL, and in RL, too, beautiful without the need of a photo editor. Of course such tools can make it look pretty, but they aren't needed. It really boils down to a sense of aesthetics and what you want in beauty, but, as the latter post does point out, it can give unreal expectations. I think if these editors were used in moderation, and only when really needed or the photographers wants a certain feel, it would be better. And some people do do that, and others do awesome things with editors. But using them and being dependent are two different things. Being dependent on a photo editor and just using it without looking at your picture and seeing if it really needs it, is not so good a thing. Certain things do need editing, and others don't. Some look better if mildly edited, but heavy editing is hardly needed for day to day use. Even filters aren't really needed.
    Filters and edits are growing in how well they are done and how often they are used. I think must people stay away form such thigns when starting out in any sort of photography since they don't want to mess it up really, except for filters. Filters are possibly used rather much when starting out, since they are easy and you can't really mess up with adding black and white or sepia tones. But on either end, they are used more often, in both worlds. In RL, other than adds, Instagram and such encourages a filter; in SL, possibly the updates of clothes and hair and bodies looking better with mesh has people want to tweak things jsut a bit more. It's easier, perhaps, with the mesh updates to smooth out stuff so you don't have to, or perhaps because the aesthetic want is greater with it looking better unedited than in previous years. There was a greater standard for the 'natural' look (as natural as a virtual body can be), so the standard of the pictured look went up in response. If something looks good in reality, there tends to be some sort of expectation of it being able to be better when captured, at least for the most part.
    Whether in SL or RL, no one is ever going to be able to match an edited picture. As Lucie's post also points out, perhaps what we might change on our SL avatar would be what we'd tweak on ourselves, or at least to a similar degree. Even if your avatar is already looking like a model, you might find more flaws if you feel them in yourself. It was only touched in that post, but I'm going more into since such things draw me to them.
    It would make sense if there was some correlation, at least to me. While our avatars may look widely different from our own selves, what we might wish to edit on them (the normal avi weirdness aside) what we can't really edit on ourselves. We can change our shape in SL, our skin, our hair, our eyes, whatever you want, but if you are trained to perceive certain flaws, you may yet see it and want to change it. The lips aren't quite right; edit. The nose is weird; edit. I personally don't see the problem with the 'usual' lips if the skin creator did alright with them, besides the teeth perhaps but those hardly show unless prompted, but people want to change them. And while you may know that it isn't the real thing, others may think it is and that may make whoever did the picture feel good.
    But if you see a flaw on yourself, again if your nose is not quite the shape you think it ought to be, you might be more picky on your virtual self, as you have a choice, you can change it. So you do what you can in the 'physical' bit, but then you take a picture. It's still there. So, logically, while touching it up to add some effects or however, you pay specific attention to that one part that just isn't quite right in your eyes. In many ways our avis are a mirror of ourselves, physical or mental, they are a mirror, so fixing one's RL imperfections on one's SL self, could perhaps give a confidence boost....until you realize you don't look like that and can't just fix whatever you think looks wrong. That's when worse things set in and, while someone may not do the same edits they would for a SL picture, they may slap a filter over any and all profile picture they have. So what if the people you are friends with/have on your Skype/etc. might already know how you look, adding a filter of sorts that might just draw the eye away from one part of you to another. We edit ourselves no matter if virtual or not, in pictures so we can seem perfect if only for one captured moment in time.
    This really all goes back to the ideas of beauty, but of course it's more focused on the idea of pictures instead. Since pictures are a lot easier (and cheaper in either life thanks to free photo editors) than editing our bodies.
    What I wonder is that, when everything is mesh, bodies and all else, will people still want to edit. (and the entirely mesh thing is getting closer with the starter avis now mesh, a fitted mesh body for sale, mesh heads, etc.) I think yes. Even with the edges smoothed out, people will want to throw a filter over perceived 'imperfections' and will want to cover up little details that they don't like. Perfection is truly unattainable, in either life, at least if you ask me. I don't see any member of the human race looking at any picture of themselves and thinking 'I'm perfect', whether virtual or not. I don't see this ever happening because of how our brains are wired; we always want to find that elusive thing that makes something perfect, but then we find something that that perfect thing doesn't have and need to find that plus the former thing. And it goes on, even if you can accept whatever 'flaw' you see, you'll still possibly go back to wanting to change it. It doesn't matter if the flaw is virtual or not, you'll still want to change it.
    We want more, we want perfection, but we won't get it. We can't get it. Not as long as we continue to think the way we are made to. Editing pictures, while a wonderful thing for art and certain emotions to get across, isn't helpful when it comes to feeling a 'need' for it before you'll dare upload anything. We slap on filters to make things look 'pretty', we edit to make things look 'better', not really is it ever use for the sake of art, just for perfection.

Interaction and Eating in the Virtual

    I started to write this last night since it was much too hot to sleep, and I was worrying about various things across the board, RL and SL wise, so it wasn't a good way to try and sleep. Thankfully I have no classes today, only a final on Monday. But, of course, a headache hit me adding to everything, so I didn't really type much. I did type for my IC blog, but probably going to edit it since I'm not sure where my thoughts were really. Now, while I'm still worrying and feeling bad and all that stuff, it's not too hot just yet; thankfully the sun hasn't gotten to the side where my room is yet. As a distraction, I am writing to try and not think too much.
    I read this post a bit back that had me start to think and I am thinking on it again. (Curious of what post i'm taking about, click here) Now, the restaurant mentioned there is actually a neat concept, granted I'd be making smart remarks the whole time, but a neat idea none the less. And, as pointed out in said post, eating isn't so much 'just' a thing done because we have to, at least in developed/first world countries, but because we can. We don't have to hunt and gather, so there's a lot less work involved in getting food, and a lot less need to conserve it, unless you are tight on cash. Now, personally I don't eat 'just because I can', I eat near constantly because I have a high metabolism. Of course there are times where i can't eat but so much and I have to adjust my body to be used to not eating but so much, but that's something entirely different. Eating is also a very social thing now, too.
    People seem to prefer to eat with others, instead of on their own unless they're in their home, of course. But rarely does anyone go out to eat by themselves, especially with how there are no single table restaurants. (Aside from one that I heard of a while ago that does have tables only for single diners.) But going out to eat is a very social thing, so much so that going to a decent place to eat alone generally has people look at you weird, in most cases that is. I'm not speaking of fast food places, but of places that are where you go, sit, eat more than one course, etc. Booths, more than one chair at a table, all of that is just more proof of how social eating has become. And apparently it is no different in SL, where your avatar won't die for lack of food.
    As I said, it seems an interesting thing to do, if a bit strange, but it really isn't needed. Of course it cuts out the thought of having to figure out exactly what the hell to do with someone, if you need to figure out something to do, since you sit and don't have to wander or anything. Simple. Easy. But weird. As the Kitty, the writer of the post, touches on, too, is that you can't go out and eat with people who live far, far away. But Second Life, in all it's virtualness, does allow for that. Now, if you can put aside the fact having your avatar 'eat' is strange, the idea of having a meal, as it were, with someone who you couldn't with otherwise, is not a bad idea. It's just another thin that helps to close the gap between various places, such as the virtual is apt to do.
    While going out to one of the virtual restaurants that exist isn't something that should be a every week thing, like some do with their friends and family in RL, going once with someone you know (or otherwise even) might be one of those things people could mark down on their virtual bucket lists. Like I said, it's not a bad idea int he fact it mushes the world all the closer, but it's still strange and worthy of smart remarks.
    I guess this sort of thing just fits into the general description of SL; strange, but interesting.