I know, another post, but I already said that I'm all thinking today. This is going to be so far from SL-related probably, but I...I don't know. Maybe it's something new that'll be an addition to this blog; non-sl stuff. I don't really talk to people and writing some things down that I don't care if others see or not is..I don't know. I'm more of a writer than a speaker, more of a listener than one who needs someone to listen.
I finished the application for a college I desperately want to get into today. I won't know anything until January, but I have it finished. It's finished and... I hardly ever stress but I'm stressing over not getting in. It's like...this will be one more step into my future that I hope will be bright.
And now I'm distracted because I've got Pirates of the Caribbean on TV and the multiple Jacks scene... God, I'm such a..I don't know, strange one?
Uff, okay, right. College admission... I've never been top of my class, that has been my friends. In high school and onward, and this college is more private than open so... I don't know. I'm stressing for some reason and I can't help it. Stress is part of life, right? But I never, ever stress...unless it's about upsetting someone I care about. But otherwise? Nope, I am so stress-free it isn't funny. But soon as I start to stress, i get all panicky and anxious and...pfft...
Maybe that's why I torture Malla so much. She gets all the stress I don't get so that I can work it out preemptively.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
How real is it?
I feel thoughtful today. I don't know why, just am and my thoughts have meandered to what is SL really? People put in their profiles all the time that SL and RL are two separate entities, and others put that SL is ingrained into their RL. So, which is right? Is one right and the other wrong? I guess it really depends how you present yourself in this virtual world. Is your pixel self you reflected? Or are the pixels just that, pixels? Are you honest to people you consider friends? Or is it all an act? How much do you divulge?
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
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| Is it the dream we hold firmly onto come morning? |
Friday, November 1, 2013
Happy Halloween!
I'd like to begin this by asking: why, SL, why? *sobs in corner*
No matter what I did, for the past three days I could never get the bottom half of the system-layer bits of my SL costume to load. It was either I had on pants/alpha form the last outfit I had on, only on the lower-half mind you, or my legs were all gray or my boot alpha wouldn't work or it was all fuzzy texture. Now, it might be I was wearing too much on my lower half, since other outfits worked just fine, and this one had two pants layer plus socks on (for the bloody bits) but...I don't' know. I just gave up after a certain point and decided to just go with the fuzzy textures, since that was better than my other options.
Okay, now, onto the nice part of this post :P Halloween (my favorite holiday, btw) was yesterday and, if I hadn't been arguing with my outfit, I would have had this up then, but better a day late than never, right? So here is Strawberry Singh's Halloween meme. Please do imagine non-fuzzy textures on blood on said textures and legs.
1) Did you go trick or treating as a child? Yes, I did all the way up to...seventh grade, I think. I loved it so very much especially since after my brother, parents, and I would go home to celebrate my dad's birthday.. Basically my brother and I had to sleep off a sugar rush come the end of the night :P
2) What was the best costume you ever saw or wore yourself? Hm...as for seeing... That has to be when one of my dressed as Slender. This was just the other year, yes, but...well, it was fun. We had gone walking to see if another of our friends wanted to hang out with the group of us that was doing a small Halloween thing...and we had the Slender-dressed friend stand on random corners as people drove by. A lot of people sped up soon as they saw him...and then, of course, he scared the friend we were going to get. *grins* Mean, I know, but, well...
Maybe it's the memory that makes it the best costume, but still counts in my book :)
3) What is your most vivid memory about Halloween? When I was about four to six, I remember coming to aunt's neighborhood and going to one specific house. We had gone up to get candy and this guy dressed as some freaky-looking-old-thing jumped out and screamed...which essentially had me and my brother running down to our parents, crying. Maybe not the most pleasant memory...but now that I look back on it, it seems silly I was scared...but being little has different rules.
4) What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The Grudge, no doubt. Maybe it's because I was, like, ten when I watched it...but that is the scariest movie I have seen. My brother fell asleep as we were watching it and my mom didn't turn it off because she thought it wouldn't scare me so bad. But it did and...I always had to have something at the foot of my bed, feet tucked under covers and a bunch of other things because I was afraid the grudge would come to get me. Took me about two weeks or so, but I got over it thankfully. I still won't watch the first one or the second one or whatever number and sure as hell wont' watch the Japanese original, but I'm not afraid to get killed by a ghostly mother-thing.
5) Do you ever get nightmares after watching a scary movie? I used to, but now? No. I just scream and bust eardrums during the movie.
6) Are you superstitious? If so, name at least one superstition of yours. Had to think on this one, but I don't think I really have anything that would qualify as a superstition. I don't have a lucky anything or believe breaking a mirror brings bad luck...so, no, actually. And that actually surprises me.
7) What will you be doing this year for Halloween, if anything, in SL and RL? I didn't do anything in SL besides 'grr' and 'argh' over the textures of the lower half of my clothes...well that and RP as per usual. In RL, I passed out candy to the very few children in my neighborhood (and, yes, less children equals more candy for me :P ).
So, happy belated Halloween/Samhain/Thursday to you all and hope all you enjoyed yesterday even if just another Thursday for ya.
Hair: *Alice Project* Delirium - Bloody Brown (*Was free on the 27th, up to 50L now*)
Blood: .DN. Blood Spatter (*Available in multiple layers, tattoo and clothing*)
Outfit: ::Envious:: PurpleHills Dress
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. GG June Nahla Milk
Eyes: [Taffy] Chapel - Hazel (*free on MP*)
Lipstick: R.icielli - Lipstick DOLL / 04 (*free on MP*)
Tears: 3-tears-Mascara
Eye Shadow: **NOYA** Face Make Up Tribal Small
Choker: "Captured Heart" barbed wire choker (*free on MP*)
Pose/Prop: SN ~ Mass Hysteria (*for Mass Hysteria hunt, ended 31st*)
No matter what I did, for the past three days I could never get the bottom half of the system-layer bits of my SL costume to load. It was either I had on pants/alpha form the last outfit I had on, only on the lower-half mind you, or my legs were all gray or my boot alpha wouldn't work or it was all fuzzy texture. Now, it might be I was wearing too much on my lower half, since other outfits worked just fine, and this one had two pants layer plus socks on (for the bloody bits) but...I don't' know. I just gave up after a certain point and decided to just go with the fuzzy textures, since that was better than my other options.
Okay, now, onto the nice part of this post :P Halloween (my favorite holiday, btw) was yesterday and, if I hadn't been arguing with my outfit, I would have had this up then, but better a day late than never, right? So here is Strawberry Singh's Halloween meme. Please do imagine non-fuzzy textures on blood on said textures and legs.
 |
| Still not entirely sure if my blood or not. Was a messy event :P |
 |
| Had to add a closeup of the hair, too lovely to not. |
2) What was the best costume you ever saw or wore yourself? Hm...as for seeing... That has to be when one of my dressed as Slender. This was just the other year, yes, but...well, it was fun. We had gone walking to see if another of our friends wanted to hang out with the group of us that was doing a small Halloween thing...and we had the Slender-dressed friend stand on random corners as people drove by. A lot of people sped up soon as they saw him...and then, of course, he scared the friend we were going to get. *grins* Mean, I know, but, well...
Maybe it's the memory that makes it the best costume, but still counts in my book :)
3) What is your most vivid memory about Halloween? When I was about four to six, I remember coming to aunt's neighborhood and going to one specific house. We had gone up to get candy and this guy dressed as some freaky-looking-old-thing jumped out and screamed...which essentially had me and my brother running down to our parents, crying. Maybe not the most pleasant memory...but now that I look back on it, it seems silly I was scared...but being little has different rules.
4) What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The Grudge, no doubt. Maybe it's because I was, like, ten when I watched it...but that is the scariest movie I have seen. My brother fell asleep as we were watching it and my mom didn't turn it off because she thought it wouldn't scare me so bad. But it did and...I always had to have something at the foot of my bed, feet tucked under covers and a bunch of other things because I was afraid the grudge would come to get me. Took me about two weeks or so, but I got over it thankfully. I still won't watch the first one or the second one or whatever number and sure as hell wont' watch the Japanese original, but I'm not afraid to get killed by a ghostly mother-thing.
5) Do you ever get nightmares after watching a scary movie? I used to, but now? No. I just scream and bust eardrums during the movie.
6) Are you superstitious? If so, name at least one superstition of yours. Had to think on this one, but I don't think I really have anything that would qualify as a superstition. I don't have a lucky anything or believe breaking a mirror brings bad luck...so, no, actually. And that actually surprises me.
7) What will you be doing this year for Halloween, if anything, in SL and RL? I didn't do anything in SL besides 'grr' and 'argh' over the textures of the lower half of my clothes...well that and RP as per usual. In RL, I passed out candy to the very few children in my neighborhood (and, yes, less children equals more candy for me :P ).
So, happy belated Halloween/Samhain/Thursday to you all and hope all you enjoyed yesterday even if just another Thursday for ya.
Hair: *Alice Project* Delirium - Bloody Brown (*Was free on the 27th, up to 50L now*)
Blood: .DN. Blood Spatter (*Available in multiple layers, tattoo and clothing*)
Outfit: ::Envious:: PurpleHills Dress
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. GG June Nahla Milk
Eyes: [Taffy] Chapel - Hazel (*free on MP*)
Lipstick: R.icielli - Lipstick DOLL / 04 (*free on MP*)
Tears: 3-tears-Mascara
Eye Shadow: **NOYA** Face Make Up Tribal Small
Choker: "Captured Heart" barbed wire choker (*free on MP*)
Pose/Prop: SN ~ Mass Hysteria (*for Mass Hysteria hunt, ended 31st*)
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