And that rant is not my reason fro typing, believe it or not, but it's something totally different. I just had to get that out so I don't end up trying to murmur my laptop, which I love 'cause of eh graphics, just haven't figured how to clear my RAM out so I can, hopefully, be able to use shadows and such again. If not, atmospheric shaders is still a step up.
|To add a bit of break between rant and actual talking ;) And it sorta fits, too.|
Anyway, my point for this typing is more or less religion. In my humanities class, we are speaking some on religion, mainly Christianity, Judaism, and Islam as they are all the three 'big' ones. As well, when a friend and I were talking we someone got on religion and she mentioned she tends to think herself more of an atheist, though she doesn't like to use that word because of the bad connotation given it to it, in this case mainly by someone who we've both known and tolerated since middle school. Later in the day, I also overheard that Gokuism (sp?) and Jedism (sp?) are actual religions. The former I heard too much about today and find it a bit ridiculous since it's based off anime characters, but the latter...don't know anything and the 'teachings' hopefully are more just along the line the 'religion' the movies have and not praying to Lord Yoda. But back to the conversation with my friend, some others who I talk to were around, too, and one was a Baptist, the 'usual' in my area, another...I want to say Methodist. I don't thinks eh really said. Various forms of Christianity are the main things where I live, though there are some Islamic people and Jewish as well. Then, of course, agnostic ad atheist.
Whenever people speak of their own religion, I tend to sit there, nodding along and putting out ideas. But I don't say what I am, since I don't think I'm anything, really. I'm a bit of a romantic who would love to believe their is some sort of afterlife instead of dirt or ash, but I don't know. I honestly don't know. I have vague beliefs, but I do tend to amend with 'but I might be wrong' because I could be very wrong. One of the things I do firmly believe is that there is no Hell. If it gets worse than now, I don't want to know, honestly. My parents have sort of put the idea in my head that, if there is a Heaven, Hell, and Limbo, then we, the living, are in Limbo. I can see where they come from, as both are Catholic if not church-going. I can see their point of view, but I still don't believe in a Hell. But I might be wrong. You never know this until you are dead.
But when I am pressed to tell people what my religion is, I could say I identify with paganism. Not any specific form of it, but just the general idea of it. I will admit, I...tried to fit my own beliefs into Wicca, but...it didn't exactly click somehow. I'm too lazy to do rituals perhaps. But I can say I identify with this...umbrella term simply because of the semi-beliefs I've held my whole life. And the only reason i really know of this being a possibility is because of a friend I had in elementary school who told me she was Wiccan and a general idea of it and books, the House of Night series in this case. I wrote briefly about my own religious dives here but this is, clearly, more into what I count myself. I'm open enough to put this out there because I don't care what people think of me for it, especially since I'm not even just one religion because of the fact I will often admit I might be wrong, that I'm probably wrong, even.
So, of course, as I got older and questioned things, my own beliefs clashing with Roman Catholic ones, it was a short jump for me to find that they did in fact line up with paganistic beliefs. I think that, if there is a deity someplace, then there is either a man and a woman, or a sexless ball of energy. And, in either case, neither is good nor evil, just there and won't do a thing for you unless you get up off your ass and do something to help, then they or it might give a small nudge. I also believe that if there is an afterlife, then either we 'become' shapeless balls of whatever energy, souls if you rather, we have in us, or we have vague shapes that only show our gender. I also like to think that those connected strongly in life somehow pair or group up because their energy is just so in sync and kind of...float along with one another. The last bit is definitely showing my love for fantasy and romanticism, I know. But...I also believe reincarnation may be a thing. Maybe when we die, we either stay in our energy forms or we come back and give it another go, still reconnecting with those who matter to us. But I don't believe if you screw up in one life you'll turn into a snail; you are what you are, if having a different look. I like to believe in karma in a sense, not the definitive sense, but closer tot he three-fold rule of Wicca; basically whatever you do, comes back three fold. In this life, of course. I also like to follow the whole 'if ye harm none, thy will be done' or some wording similar to that, but I like to think that has some hold on something simply because...it makes good moral sense to me.
I know, I could possibly call myself agnostic because of all my guessing and not 'knowing', but the certain things like how I believe the energy around us can be manipulated to a certain extent, not talking about making huge waves out of a lake. Perhaps I could count as agnostic-pagan? I don't know. I don't know what to call myself nor if there is a higher power or any thought to be given to sin or if baptizing is pointless or if Shiva the Destroyer is real. I don't know anything, but I like to have my own vague ideas. I like to think there is more after we die, if only because I love fantasy and magic and...there being more out there. I don't want to imagine that we drop, are shoved in a hole or burned, and...that's it. Life is an amazing thing that...I don't see how anything 'just' dies. Maybe I'm being naive and silly, but at least I can admit I'm wrong, even if I like to think there is more.
I think life itself is proof enough. I'm not disputing any scientific facts, I love science, but...there has to be more to us than our brain functions that cause our personality and intelligence and...decide where our hearts go. Like I said, maybe I'm naive to think there is, but I do hope there is even if it's not what I sort of believe in, I hope there is more. Except for Hell, I don't really want to be wrong on that one. I'm fine with that not existing.