Walking in the door with bags of clothes, toiletries, and whatever else. Some stuff you picked up along the way. Cold outside, warm inside. Dog running up to you like you've been gone for years and wanting to clearly monopolize your time, at least long enough to be sure you won't be leaving straight away again. Getting to your room, unpacking. Really truly being home once everything is back where it belongs....or tossed near it. Making sure to let some people know 'hey, I'm back. See ya in class/work/etc. tomorrow.'
And logging in to Second Life and happening to see a friend or two before they log for the night and being able to talk to them, if only for a short bit.
Home.
I'm tired, yet here I am typing away and such. I don't know, but the lure of writing with pencil on paper, the sound and feel of it, as well as the sound and feel of typing are two completely different things. Both of which I have not done since Thursday, some on Friday. I feel withdrawal symptoms, or something near it as strange as that may sound. While I had a nice, interesting, exploring sort of weekend, I did miss some key things.
I had my laptop with me and, while I could have used it on two of the nights probably, I didn't. Really just because it was late and the days were long, so i was tired and went to sleep right on the hard motel bed. Super fun. But, yea, so I missed some things. Like my friends. The ones in SL included. Now, that's not to say I was completely withdrawn from those ones, thanks to the wonderful thing called email. How people got along before it, I'll have no idea. I know I used it quite a bit this weekend. But such things, whether they be email or texting or whatever, they don't make up for the face-to-face contact, or, in the case of Second Life, the virtual contact. So, in a lot of ways, getting back in SL was a bit of a...coming home of sorts in it's own way. At least it was such a thing as I was able to do some IMing before there was logging, on their as well as my part. So, yea, I missed some people. Hard not to after being around one another for a long while. How I see it is that you can see who truly matters to you, by how much you miss them when you're away. Again, texting and other forms of communication put aside from the form. But...if you don't think of someone at least once, then they're not that close to your heart, at least not in most respects. I know there's a few people who I call friends simply for the sake of ease and not really meaning it as much as the word should mean, so, yes, I sadly do throw it around form time to time. But I also know who my real friends are, the ones who are near and dear to my heart that, if I could, I would have hugged them soon as I got home and said i missed you.
Of course, as I type this, i realize I did say I miss you even though I was IMing missed people. Of course, I would hope, it would be known there was missing involved by some way and that that I'm not that hard to read on that front. If it is hard to tell then, to those who should know better: I missed you and I will tell you this tomorrow in IM, too!
Like I said, being able to grab a friend in IM really did just add to my whole coming home feeling, even though i swear I only logged to clear out my notices. It was nice, unexpected, but...just made things good.
If anyone ever takes a few days away from wherever, don't try and think on anyone, jsut let the thoughts of those people come to you. You'll see who truly matters, either by knowing them in RL or SL, by that simple thing, and, hopefully, you matter to whoever your thoughts go to as well.
Showing posts with label sl. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sl. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Beauty's Changing Standards
Elementary school had been all sorts of hell for me. Really it was only the first to sixth grade since my kindergarten class was awesome. But then I moved since the government peoples basically kicked all the people in our neighborhood from their homes and tore down the school to rebuild. So, yea, we moved and I more or less had to finish growing up in those six years following. I already was a bit more independent since my mom had gone straight back to work after I was born, had me do more stuff for myself, but with my brother...not so much. He was coddled, still is. Anyone who sees him can attest to that, so it is not as if I'm revealing some big secret. So he's got some growing up left to do even with him quickly approaching legal adult age.
But back to my elementary school experience. I was bullied. A lot. Made of for my glasses (though people think glasses are so cool now :/ ), called 'emo' even though i had no idea what that was, called anorexic just because I was naturally slender, and crybaby. The last one was because I would cry when people made fun of me. I didn't know how else to deal with it, I just...cried. I told my mom about this I think...once, but nothing came of it. She worked at the school so she assumed the teachers would do something. They didn't. One even said, and i remember with crystal clarity, "She's only doing it for attention. Ignore her and she'll stop." I couldn't understand that at all, and it hurt (it still hurts) and I wanted to cry more. But I did stop. I stopped because all it did was have people make fun of me more. I cried when I was home and alone in my room instead. I had friends of sorts, but...the most weren't that great. The ones who I am still friends with today... I wish had spoken to them more about what some people were saying and doing, since I know they would have done something.
I had one 'friend', though, and...she was mean to me. She was mean, and she even told me once that she did things just to get a reaction form me. I stopped hanging out with her so much after that.
By the sixth grade, I had stopped caring because I had to. If I cared, I knew i would hurt. If I didn't put up a shield of apathy, I would hurt. Maybe it's not the best coping technique, but it was, and is, the best I had. Things got better once i forced myself to stop caring.
The thing is, we all try to create these perfect images and, if someone falls out of that, what do we do? Ostracize them. So few stop and think of how the other person may feel. Some people, like that 'friend' of mine, are simply mean for the sake of it. Others? They're like that because you are different. Now this is before being different counted as 'cool', and, even now, different is 'bad'. People go about saying how awkward they are, how different, how unique, when, really, they're jsut like all the rest. If someone dares do something different, jokes will be made to force the person to conform. But why must we conform? If the new thing is to be different, why can we not accept people for who they are? Why do we still strive for this perfect image?
Because we are human.
As humans, we have an image of beauty set into our brains by our culture. And we try. We try until it breaks us, and we try again. Starving. Binging. Surgery. Hair coloring. Shopping for clothes and shoes. We do whatever it takes for that perfect image. And in the places where things are so easily gained through TV and computers? It makes it worse. The 'perfect' woman or man is plastered everywhere, and most likely photoshopped and airbrushed to death.
All of this translates over to SL, too. The only difference is that, as a different culture in its own right, it has a different ideal body. Women? You've seen the Lolas. Men? Muscular as all hell. Of course there are other things applied to that standard for both, but that's the basic of it. It translates to the RL standards, too, but not to the same degree. Things vary between cultures, including the virtual ones. But it always that you have to have certain things otherwise be labeled some sort of way. Like now: Slink hands and feet. Most shoe makers, that I know of, tend to lean towards Slink only shoes. And god forbid you have hands in your picture if you have 'meat hands'.
As time goes on, beauty and the ingroup changes. In RL: when I was little, wearing a scarf that I had from my Grandma was wrong. But by middle school? The 'popular' people were wearing scarves like mine in the same fashion. No one made fun of them. In SL: Slink hands and feet, two things that didn't exist some months back are now the standard. In either life, I don't care to 'keep up with the times' since those change so quickly, especially the virtual one. I prefer to wear and do what feels right to me, without any care as to what others are thinking. If I want to wear something, put my hair a certain way, then I'll do it. I don't care if it's not the 'thing' at the time. We all claim to be different, but we're all still the same.
But back to my elementary school experience. I was bullied. A lot. Made of for my glasses (though people think glasses are so cool now :/ ), called 'emo' even though i had no idea what that was, called anorexic just because I was naturally slender, and crybaby. The last one was because I would cry when people made fun of me. I didn't know how else to deal with it, I just...cried. I told my mom about this I think...once, but nothing came of it. She worked at the school so she assumed the teachers would do something. They didn't. One even said, and i remember with crystal clarity, "She's only doing it for attention. Ignore her and she'll stop." I couldn't understand that at all, and it hurt (it still hurts) and I wanted to cry more. But I did stop. I stopped because all it did was have people make fun of me more. I cried when I was home and alone in my room instead. I had friends of sorts, but...the most weren't that great. The ones who I am still friends with today... I wish had spoken to them more about what some people were saying and doing, since I know they would have done something.
I had one 'friend', though, and...she was mean to me. She was mean, and she even told me once that she did things just to get a reaction form me. I stopped hanging out with her so much after that.
By the sixth grade, I had stopped caring because I had to. If I cared, I knew i would hurt. If I didn't put up a shield of apathy, I would hurt. Maybe it's not the best coping technique, but it was, and is, the best I had. Things got better once i forced myself to stop caring.
The thing is, we all try to create these perfect images and, if someone falls out of that, what do we do? Ostracize them. So few stop and think of how the other person may feel. Some people, like that 'friend' of mine, are simply mean for the sake of it. Others? They're like that because you are different. Now this is before being different counted as 'cool', and, even now, different is 'bad'. People go about saying how awkward they are, how different, how unique, when, really, they're jsut like all the rest. If someone dares do something different, jokes will be made to force the person to conform. But why must we conform? If the new thing is to be different, why can we not accept people for who they are? Why do we still strive for this perfect image?
Because we are human.
As humans, we have an image of beauty set into our brains by our culture. And we try. We try until it breaks us, and we try again. Starving. Binging. Surgery. Hair coloring. Shopping for clothes and shoes. We do whatever it takes for that perfect image. And in the places where things are so easily gained through TV and computers? It makes it worse. The 'perfect' woman or man is plastered everywhere, and most likely photoshopped and airbrushed to death.
All of this translates over to SL, too. The only difference is that, as a different culture in its own right, it has a different ideal body. Women? You've seen the Lolas. Men? Muscular as all hell. Of course there are other things applied to that standard for both, but that's the basic of it. It translates to the RL standards, too, but not to the same degree. Things vary between cultures, including the virtual ones. But it always that you have to have certain things otherwise be labeled some sort of way. Like now: Slink hands and feet. Most shoe makers, that I know of, tend to lean towards Slink only shoes. And god forbid you have hands in your picture if you have 'meat hands'.
As time goes on, beauty and the ingroup changes. In RL: when I was little, wearing a scarf that I had from my Grandma was wrong. But by middle school? The 'popular' people were wearing scarves like mine in the same fashion. No one made fun of them. In SL: Slink hands and feet, two things that didn't exist some months back are now the standard. In either life, I don't care to 'keep up with the times' since those change so quickly, especially the virtual one. I prefer to wear and do what feels right to me, without any care as to what others are thinking. If I want to wear something, put my hair a certain way, then I'll do it. I don't care if it's not the 'thing' at the time. We all claim to be different, but we're all still the same.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
How real is it?
I feel thoughtful today. I don't know why, just am and my thoughts have meandered to what is SL really? People put in their profiles all the time that SL and RL are two separate entities, and others put that SL is ingrained into their RL. So, which is right? Is one right and the other wrong? I guess it really depends how you present yourself in this virtual world. Is your pixel self you reflected? Or are the pixels just that, pixels? Are you honest to people you consider friends? Or is it all an act? How much do you divulge?
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
 |
| Is it the dream we hold firmly onto come morning? |
Sunday, May 26, 2013
It's a Jungle Out There
I've known this for a while, but...I only started thinking much on it. Strangely because I found an elephant prop, but also because of some happenings today. But, SL, just like RL, is a place full of a variety of people; some good, some not so much. The only difference is, it may be a bit harder to tell the difference with the anonymity that the virtual world provides. Some people obviously just want to play their mind games, while others will just outright be cruel. Now, I've been lucky enough to not have to really deal with this type of thing, but I know some who have. It causes burnout and pushes good people from SL.
Probably everyone is here to have fun, but some of those people's fun is not so much for others. The thing about the Internet is that it makes the world smaller. That is good in the fact that you meet some wonderful people, but not in that you can meet some awful people as well. I've met some of both kinds, but I haven't had anything really 'dramatic' with the latter. I'm only hoping I'm not jinxing myself here. The 'politics' of the realm changes from place to place; sometimes it's a power game (which happens on RP sims more often than not) and sometimes it's simply to make someone break. Second Life is so close to being like the real world in the aspect of how people act, yet some do not realize this and remain naive. There are the good and bad. There are those who honestly care and there are those who will drop you quickly.
Things move quicker with the virtual realm it seems. That's...not really a good thing from my POV, since that can also lead to someone getting hurt faster. When I've scanned through profiles, I see people parterning and unparterning so often and so fast, it isn't funny. I know there are exceptions, but I'm simply basing off what I see. Relationships, friendly or romantic, take time. As it is, with the two who are my dearest friends I've met through SL, it took me...probably about 6 months before I actually spoke to one in a more 'friend' type way. And the other? Well, I'm not sure. We hadn't even IMed until maybe after a month or two that we were on each other's lists for roleplay purposes. In both cases, though, it took time. And that seems to be something that many forget. I know there are people who also take time like they would in real life, but...I've seen enough to know that many do not. Many do treat this as if it were a video game where there are only NPCs, maybe even forgetting their feelings in the process, and someone gets hurts. Even the ones who remember, there are enough who use the 'invisibility' given to them to just hurt people because they can change accounts whenever they'd like and never be bothered with it again.
I'm hoping you keep this in mind and, please, do remember that SL is like RL which is definitely a jungle.
Probably everyone is here to have fun, but some of those people's fun is not so much for others. The thing about the Internet is that it makes the world smaller. That is good in the fact that you meet some wonderful people, but not in that you can meet some awful people as well. I've met some of both kinds, but I haven't had anything really 'dramatic' with the latter. I'm only hoping I'm not jinxing myself here. The 'politics' of the realm changes from place to place; sometimes it's a power game (which happens on RP sims more often than not) and sometimes it's simply to make someone break. Second Life is so close to being like the real world in the aspect of how people act, yet some do not realize this and remain naive. There are the good and bad. There are those who honestly care and there are those who will drop you quickly.
Things move quicker with the virtual realm it seems. That's...not really a good thing from my POV, since that can also lead to someone getting hurt faster. When I've scanned through profiles, I see people parterning and unparterning so often and so fast, it isn't funny. I know there are exceptions, but I'm simply basing off what I see. Relationships, friendly or romantic, take time. As it is, with the two who are my dearest friends I've met through SL, it took me...probably about 6 months before I actually spoke to one in a more 'friend' type way. And the other? Well, I'm not sure. We hadn't even IMed until maybe after a month or two that we were on each other's lists for roleplay purposes. In both cases, though, it took time. And that seems to be something that many forget. I know there are people who also take time like they would in real life, but...I've seen enough to know that many do not. Many do treat this as if it were a video game where there are only NPCs, maybe even forgetting their feelings in the process, and someone gets hurts. Even the ones who remember, there are enough who use the 'invisibility' given to them to just hurt people because they can change accounts whenever they'd like and never be bothered with it again.
I'm hoping you keep this in mind and, please, do remember that SL is like RL which is definitely a jungle.
 |
| On a slightly lighter note: here's the elephant prop I found! :D |
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Sexuality and SL
Okay, I know people are all about 'bigger is better' and all that kind of stuff, but...there should be a limit... Like...a legal limit or something. So, what brought this on was the fact that a bit ago (yes, I've been bad and am only doing this about a week after the fact) a friend gave me a gift card to a hair shop. I went after he had logged and...well, the place was nice but I rezzed next to a person who was taller than I am in my RP form. And my roleplay-self is...six and a half feet tall, I think? And then there was the fact others were just as tall and had giant chests and behinds. I mean...I think only one or two other people were proportionate and normal. Granted, really pointy ears and six and a half feet aren't normal, but, well, I hadn't bothered to shrink and de-earify.
So, this makes me wonder: why do so many people wish to be so...sexualized? This thing really just bugs me because, honestly, SL already is considered some place for cyber-sex and the like. Should people really be playing to that stereotype? I know some people are simply here for that, but what about the rest of us? I, for one, am nearly afraid to tell my RL friends I am in SL. I have no reason to be because I simply roleplay, take pictures, and explore different places with friends. None of that- Okay, well, I'm not saying the roleplay is entirely innocent...but, in all fairness, my character is married and has two kids...so it can't really be expected it's completely 'clean'. As well I've a good relationship OOC with the person I roleplay that with, so it's not like it's just...slut-behavior. But my point still stands. And I know there are others who are hesitant to tell people they know in the non-virtual world they are in it. Probably they worry, at least I know I do, that the first question will be "Isn't that a giant virtual orgy?" or something similar to that. It's just awful since SL is much more than that.
Second Life may be the place where you can look however the hell you want, but...people shouldn't try and be...someone's sexual fantasy... Well, unless the person specifically created the avatar to be their fantasy...in which case...that's something different. There should be some form of reality, even if it is on a computer. It can help keep your interest and, also, people tend to think not so nice things about people who have giant chests, giant asses, and a tiny Barbie body. Well...some people don't, but most of those are classified as creepers. Some not, sure, but...most, yes.
There also should be a way that people could know more about the other aspects of SL instead of immediately thinking 'sex'. I'll admit, when I first joined I thought it would be heavy with that, but the reason I joined was because I also knew there was online roleplay and...thought I should check it out and see if I could find something to my liking that wouldn't immediately end up in virtual sex. I did find a place. And...while my roleplay isn't G-rated, it's not like anything is happening purely for any one's pleasure, it happens for the story. Not to mention, most scenes for me end up in fade-to-blacks. So...that still doesn't fit with the whole sex-stereotype of SL. And i know others are like that, too. Now, I'm not SL should be completely devoid of sexuality (since nothing, even RL, is), but it shouldn't have that shoved down your throat. In certain places it isn't, but in others...it is, very much so. It's arguable that's like in RL, but...it's a lot more prominent in the virtual realm. But I'm rambling now, so, back to my point: better advertising. I'm really just hoping that someday soon there will be something that shows the other, less risque aspects of SL.
I also hope people will stop with having huge everything, but...one step at a time.
So, this makes me wonder: why do so many people wish to be so...sexualized? This thing really just bugs me because, honestly, SL already is considered some place for cyber-sex and the like. Should people really be playing to that stereotype? I know some people are simply here for that, but what about the rest of us? I, for one, am nearly afraid to tell my RL friends I am in SL. I have no reason to be because I simply roleplay, take pictures, and explore different places with friends. None of that- Okay, well, I'm not saying the roleplay is entirely innocent...but, in all fairness, my character is married and has two kids...so it can't really be expected it's completely 'clean'. As well I've a good relationship OOC with the person I roleplay that with, so it's not like it's just...slut-behavior. But my point still stands. And I know there are others who are hesitant to tell people they know in the non-virtual world they are in it. Probably they worry, at least I know I do, that the first question will be "Isn't that a giant virtual orgy?" or something similar to that. It's just awful since SL is much more than that.
Second Life may be the place where you can look however the hell you want, but...people shouldn't try and be...someone's sexual fantasy... Well, unless the person specifically created the avatar to be their fantasy...in which case...that's something different. There should be some form of reality, even if it is on a computer. It can help keep your interest and, also, people tend to think not so nice things about people who have giant chests, giant asses, and a tiny Barbie body. Well...some people don't, but most of those are classified as creepers. Some not, sure, but...most, yes.
 |
| Fun, not sex-fun. That's what we should focus on! |
There also should be a way that people could know more about the other aspects of SL instead of immediately thinking 'sex'. I'll admit, when I first joined I thought it would be heavy with that, but the reason I joined was because I also knew there was online roleplay and...thought I should check it out and see if I could find something to my liking that wouldn't immediately end up in virtual sex. I did find a place. And...while my roleplay isn't G-rated, it's not like anything is happening purely for any one's pleasure, it happens for the story. Not to mention, most scenes for me end up in fade-to-blacks. So...that still doesn't fit with the whole sex-stereotype of SL. And i know others are like that, too. Now, I'm not SL should be completely devoid of sexuality (since nothing, even RL, is), but it shouldn't have that shoved down your throat. In certain places it isn't, but in others...it is, very much so. It's arguable that's like in RL, but...it's a lot more prominent in the virtual realm. But I'm rambling now, so, back to my point: better advertising. I'm really just hoping that someday soon there will be something that shows the other, less risque aspects of SL.
I also hope people will stop with having huge everything, but...one step at a time.
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Realism in RP
 |
| The healer halfling I run around as. |
But, right now at least, I'm concentrating on the realistic aspect, why some miss it and why others hit it straight on, things like that. As said under Malla's picture, she's a healer...which means she fixes the constantly injured people up, yet some of those people are running around the next day like they didn't just break a rib. Um..wait, what? So you're saying you went and got yourself patched up, spending someone else's time, just to be all better the next day? Sure, it provides nice RP while healing..but, really, people are just wasting someone's time if they'll be better from major injuries the next day.
 |
| Fear the dragon, she will eat you. |
Yes, some characters might have that mindset, but if you're going to go and complain that you got beat and burned by a dragon? There's something seriously wrong. If you can't stand loosing, don't start something you obviously will. Simple as that.
But there's more than that that go into the realism, or lack there of. There's child chars and pregnancies and other such things that take lots and lots of time in RL. But who wants things to take that long in something like a play almost? (note: I'm talking about RP, not the rest of SL) Not many, unless you're dedicated and have nothing else popping up, which happens often enough.
Adult chars seem to age at a normal rate, most child ones though? Not really. Yes, there are some, but msot don't. Then the pregnancies. Who wants to RP that for nine actual months? I've probably met only...one person who's done that. Most things are shortened, true, which might take away form the realism if you don't do it right. But if you shrink it to a set amount of time and plan out how long say a week in real time is compared to the SL/RP time, it's not that bad, really.
Emotions and eating and sleeping and seasons, too. Some seem to forget about food and rest, without an actual IC reason that makes sense. And the seasons...oh gosh, those can be horrible at times. RP in SL...it has slightly different rules. Running around in barely anything in the middle of winter may work out in the larger SL world, but not in RP. People will look at you like you're crazy, ICly at least.
As for thee emotions part...yes, OOC and IC should be separate, but to a point. You need to let yourself feel what your character is, otherwise it won't seem as real. yes, you shouldn't take those feelings with you beyond the RP world your char lives in, but you should keep them locked up for later RP.
I'll take an example that has happened often enough in my RPing. Malla gets upset and cries and feels so, so broken that...yes, i open myself to those feelings and before i know it, I'm typing with teary eyes. But I'm emphathizing, not feeling those things directly. After the scene though, my eyes dry up but I can still act out her grief easily.
And now I'm starting to think I'm getting into something completely different...which I'll throw into a different blog so I don't get too off topic.
But emotions also take time to build up, so that's obviously faster when you're RPing or something than in RL. Kind of like...a book, even, people seem to fall in love or make enemies awfully quick.
Bottom line, realism is a must that people tend to forget. Yes, you're playing a character, in a virtual world, but you could still make it realistic. Which is often enough forgotten, but there are also some wonderful RPers out there who...bring some things to life. (even if they sometimes slip with realism ;) ) And I thank those people, it makes the RP experience so much more wonderful...even with (sometimes especially) with textwalls.
Also, thanks to Salix Southpaw for letting me put her pic in here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)