Beliefs

    I hate Microsoft and Windows. Especially Windows 8. I'm just done with it since, apparently, you can't print things or use any of the little 'app' things (not that I want to anyway, but still) unless you keep Internet Explorer as your default browser, and, if you change it, you have to do complicated stuff to fix it. I'm not. I'm ignoring it and will use my old laptop to print. I don't care. I'm on strike. Internet Explorer screwed me once, so I have been done with it a long while and Windows/Microsoft...that has been a slow growing hate... But I'm done now.
    And that rant is not my reason fro typing, believe it or not, but it's something totally different. I just had to get that out so I don't end up trying to murmur my laptop, which I love 'cause of eh graphics, just haven't figured how to clear my RAM out so I can, hopefully, be able to use shadows and such again. If not, atmospheric shaders is still a step up.

To add a bit of break between rant and actual talking ;) And it sorta fits, too.

    Anyway, my point for this typing is more or less religion. In my humanities class, we are speaking some on religion, mainly Christianity, Judaism, and Islam as they are all the three 'big' ones. As well, when a friend and I were talking we someone got on religion and she mentioned she tends to think herself more of an atheist, though she doesn't like to use that word because of the bad connotation given it to it, in this case mainly by someone who we've both known and tolerated since middle school. Later in the day, I also overheard that Gokuism (sp?) and Jedism (sp?) are actual religions. The former I heard too much about today and find it a bit ridiculous since it's based off anime characters, but the latter...don't know anything and the 'teachings' hopefully are more just along the line the 'religion' the movies have and not praying to Lord Yoda. But back to the conversation with my friend, some others who I talk to were around, too, and one was a Baptist, the 'usual' in my area, another...I want to say Methodist. I don't thinks eh really said. Various forms of Christianity are the main things where I live, though there are some Islamic people and Jewish as well. Then, of course, agnostic ad atheist.
    Whenever people speak of their own religion, I tend to sit there, nodding along and putting out ideas. But I don't say what I am, since I don't think I'm anything, really. I'm a bit of a romantic who would love to believe their is some sort of afterlife instead of dirt or ash, but I don't know. I honestly don't know. I have vague beliefs, but I do tend to amend with 'but I might be wrong' because I could be very wrong. One of the things I do firmly believe is that there is no Hell. If it gets worse than now, I don't want to know, honestly. My parents have sort of put the idea in my head that, if there is a Heaven, Hell, and Limbo, then we, the living, are in Limbo. I can see where they come from, as both are Catholic if not church-going. I can see their point of view, but I still don't believe in a Hell. But I might be wrong. You never know this until you are dead.
    But when I am pressed to tell people what my religion is, I could say I identify with paganism. Not any specific form of it, but just the general idea of it. I will admit, I...tried to fit my own beliefs into Wicca, but...it didn't exactly click somehow. I'm too lazy to do rituals perhaps. But I can say I identify with this...umbrella term simply because of the semi-beliefs I've held my whole life. And the only reason i really know of this being a possibility is because of a friend I had in elementary school who told me she was Wiccan and a general idea of it and books, the House of Night series in this case. I wrote briefly about my own religious dives here but this is, clearly, more into what I count myself. I'm open enough to put this out there because I don't care what people think of me for it, especially since I'm not even just one religion because of the fact I will often admit I might be wrong, that I'm probably wrong, even.
    So, of course, as I got older and questioned things, my own beliefs clashing with Roman Catholic ones, it was a short jump for me to find that they did in fact line up with paganistic beliefs. I think that, if there is a deity someplace, then there is either a man and a woman, or a sexless ball of energy. And, in either case, neither is good nor evil, just there and won't do a thing for you unless you get up off your ass and do something to help, then they or it might give a small nudge. I also believe that if there is an afterlife, then either we 'become' shapeless balls of whatever energy, souls if you rather, we have in us, or we have vague shapes that only show our gender. I also like to think that those connected strongly in life somehow pair or group up because their energy is just so in sync and kind of...float along with one another. The last bit is definitely showing my love for fantasy and romanticism, I know. But...I also believe reincarnation may be a thing. Maybe when we die, we either stay in our energy forms or we come back and give it another go, still reconnecting with those who matter to us. But I don't believe if you screw up in one life you'll turn into a snail; you are what you are, if having a different look. I like to believe in karma in a sense, not the definitive sense, but closer tot he three-fold rule of Wicca; basically whatever you do, comes back three fold. In this life, of course. I also like to follow the whole 'if ye harm none, thy will be done' or some wording similar to that, but I like to think that has some hold on something simply because...it makes good moral sense to me.
    I know, I could possibly call myself agnostic because of all my guessing and not 'knowing', but the certain things like how I believe the energy around us can be manipulated to a certain extent, not talking about making huge waves out of a lake. Perhaps I could count as agnostic-pagan? I don't know. I don't know what to call myself nor if there is a higher power or any thought to be given to sin or if baptizing is pointless or if Shiva the Destroyer is real. I don't know anything, but I like to have my own vague ideas. I like to think there is more after we die, if only because I love fantasy and magic and...there being more out there. I don't want to imagine that we drop, are shoved in a hole or burned, and...that's it. Life is an amazing thing that...I don't see how anything 'just' dies. Maybe I'm being naive and silly, but at least I can admit I'm wrong, even if I like to think there is more.
    I think life itself is proof enough. I'm not disputing any scientific facts, I love science, but...there has to be more to us than our brain functions that cause our personality and intelligence and...decide where our hearts go. Like I said, maybe I'm naive to think there is, but I do hope there is even if it's not what I sort of believe in, I hope there is more. Except for Hell, I don't really want to be wrong on that one. I'm fine with that not existing.

Losing My Religon

    Yes, I haven't blogged in a while, but...there's been things keeping me from it. Mostly just RL stuff affecting my mood for anything picture or blog related. I'm back, though, and figured why not start with this neat challenge?

    Recently I came across a blog I have yet to peer at and saw a challenge that piqued my interest. I'm not sure how I got to it, but that's besides the point. You can read about the challenge itself here. Now, being the little hopeful writer I am, I couldn't much resist to put something in for this week. But before we get to that, I want to mention a couple things on my styling. The hair was one of the gifts at Hair Fair and, incase you're wondering, I chose the streaked naturals pack with the brown with blue streaks for that one hair. Probably when I have lindens I'll go to that store to find other styles and such stuff since...I like the HUD and stuff that can be done with it. Even if I were to get only one color pack with the paid for one, there still would be quite a few options it looks like.
    Anyway the undershirt was part of an outfit I got from a friend last summer I think. So it can't be bought on it's own as far as I'm aware. The top was also a gift from Hair Fair; chances are it's in the Heartless store, not sure though. And as i mentioned below, and probably on some past blog, the necklace is from an outfit. A very beautiful dress, yes, but if you only want the necklace, you would have to get the whole outfit that comes with it.
    Onto the challenge: I chose the prompt 'Losing my Religion'. I originally thought of the song and doing something inspired off of that, but I ended up changing my mind to what my entry is now; something a bit recent and more me. In anycase, my entry to the challenge is right below the picture. Hope y'all enjoy.

    I was born and raised, for most of my life so far, Catholic. I was baptized. I had my first communion. I went to Sunday school. I sang in the choir. I volunteered in the daycare with my mom. I almost went to a Catholic elementary school. Basically, I had a religious upbringing. That mostly had to deal with my grandma, though, and once she died...my parents, brother, and I didn't go to church as much. I can still remember going to church with my aunt, mom, brother, grandma, cousin, and dad. I still remember skipping along the bricked sidewalk of Olde Town in my little 'heels', listening to clacking sound they made, and watching my skirt swish about. I loved it. Then after we all would go to Olde Country Buffet, eat, talk...and just be a family.
    My grandma died when I was about five. That death, the first death I really ever dealt with, really impacted me and still saddens me to this day. My family and I still went to church once she died, but it was less. My dad didn't go because the pews hurt his back, which he has problems with without wooden benches. My aunt and cousin didn't go with us. We also moved and changed churches. That wasn't too bad, since my brother and I would go to Sunday school soon as we changed. I really did enjoy speaking and playing with the other children. It was fun. That was what I looked forward to when going to church. That and my frilly, Sunday dresses and grownup shoes. My brother and I also joined the children's choir. That was fun, too, just like my school choir...only more religion based.
    Again, time moved on and I grew up. Once I couldn't really go to Sunday school and once I had done my first communion, I grew bored. Sitting on uncomfortable wooden benches, listening to a priest go on about things I'd heard a hundred times already...I didn't like it. Slowly, my brother, mom, and I went to church less and less. We only went on Christmas and Palm Sunday. My brother and I stopped joining the choir. Then my brother stopped wanting to go. Then my mom and I only went on Palm Sunday. At some point...we all just stopped, mostly due to transportation issues, but we still stopped. That's not to say my mom doesn't want to go, she's probably the only one who does. She's the one who asked me if I would want to do confirmation or not. I didn't do it, but I would go to church with her if she wanted except that I don't consider myself Catholic anymore. I tried to cling to my faith by praying, going to church with friends...but it didn't work. I enjoyed going to church with friends, yes, but the words that were being spoken and sung just didn't click anymore.
    I believe that I have grown and moved pass my 'old' religion and found one that fits me better. One that...I'm not constantly questioning. Yes, I'm not going all by what I'm told by whatever book, but it still fits more than believing in what Catholics, and all other Christian faiths, believe. I think I may have been more enamored by the idea of family and friendship than the actual belief system. It was all the children my age, the whole thing of my family going together, all of that that made me care. I prayed when I was little to this big man in the sky who would make everything better. I kept thinking that my grandma was looking down on me and keeping me safe. I'll admit those are nice thoughts, but they aren't what I believe. Not truly. Others may believe that and I know my parents, and probably my brother, do...but not me. I'm lucky to have openminded parents who didn't get all ranty when I mentioned I was looking into other religions.
    I am who I am and my beliefs are the same. I may have lost my first religion, but I gained a new one. I know this has been said by others before, but people really shouldn't be afraid to let go of something simply for fear of drifting about in endless space. Sometimes you have to let go to find something you want to hang on to. Losing doesn't always mean you have one thing less.

Hair: *Alice Project* Erica - Create Your Own (-Mesh-)
Necklace: Morgana Necklace (-included with ViGo Morgana Dress-)
Top: Heartless: Laced Crop Top (Black) (-Mesh-)
Undershirt: Gypsy Summer Shirt
Pose: .:Still Life:. [pose] crumbling wall freebie