Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Christmas Eve

    Strange enough, there aren't really any 'traditions' or 'customs' in my family, but...there are a couple. Christmas still is not my favorite holiday for some reasons, but there are a couple things associated with it that I do love. Every year my brother and I get a stuffed animal in our stocking. Originally it was to keep us out of our other presents...but somehow it jsut became something consistent that really can't be changed and, if it did, it would be awful. Always we wake up early, go empty our stocking,s put everything back, but take our stuffed animal with us back to bed, no matter how old we get. Strange, maybe, but eh. And then there's something my brother and I haven't done since a while which is sleep in the same room so the one who wakes first can wake the other up, but we're...tweaking it some this year even though we haven't done said 'tradition' in a while. Essentially we're going to stay up for a bit and play video games :P
    I find myself mostly wanting Christmas to get here so that my family can open their gifts more than myself opening mine. I love to give things to people, especially when i know they'll like whatever, more than I like receiving things. Okay, yes, I like to get gifts, too, who doesn't? But my favorite part of this season is the giving. So, on that note, I hope whatever gifts are received are enjoyed as much as the knowledge that what you gave made someone happy.
    (Oh, yes, I'm looking forward to tomorrow also cause I'm curious and someone has given me some hints that haven't formed much of an idea in my head, only tantalized me further. You know who you are and you should know I'm all bouncy excited :P )
I wasn't trying to persuade Rudolph to do anything. I'm on the nice list *nods*

Friday, December 20, 2013


    As I sit here more or less having my dog force me to pet him by laying all over me with pitiful looking eyes and trying to cover my keyboard with a paw, I'm somehow thinking of something a friend and I talked, albeit briefly, about. Sure there was more to the conversation and this bit was really only his words then my short response before moving on, but it was still there.Giving is the real wonderful part of gifts. I mean, like anyone, I like to get things from people and seeing that they know enough about me to know what I may want, but...giving is..different. Okay, I don't really volunteer or anything like that, but that doesn't lessen the feeling of seeing how happy something you give to someone makes them. Christmas, while not my favorite holiday for a few reasons, is a perfect time to do that. I love seeing how people are glad to see something I either made them or bought because it called to me, assuming I have the money. Yes, I include my dog in this even though he has as much fun with the wrapping paper as the actual toy :P (It's cute to watch *shrugs*)
    Even in SL terms...text reactions are good, too. Sure text makes it a bit easier to be untruthful, but I really doubt that would happen...and I like to think that I, personally, have a good feel of how someone is meaning their words, even though a few times do conflict with that hope. I am broke, so I can't really get something 'real' for those people, but I did do something for someone that works around that. Small idea, maybe, but an idea that I think was pretty creative considering the confines I was working within and I know that the person who I sent it, more or less, to liked it well enough.
    I'm one of those who don't care if I don't 'get' anything, so long as others I care about do. I like those I care about to have a bit of happiness, if only for a second, as they see something nice. And, admittedly, that makes me impatient and want to give someone their gift right away, but I'm good...well, if you don't count today, that is. But today's...sorta an exception? I think...maybe...
    My point remains: more people need to focus on the giving bit of holidays instead of the receiving. Hell, that might help withe decreasing the crime rate that increases around this time of year. Or at least have it reversed so that people are stealing to give a gift? I don't know, I'm just rambling now and thinking and...mer. Well, in anycase, happy early holidays!

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Ice and Snow

 Ice and snow abound,
       a lonely heart to match.
           softly snow lands on hair and cheeks.
    No arms to wrap around to melt the cold away,
        no soft smiles directed to me.
    Hidden tears freeze on my cheeks.

Cold, alone,
        but I did learn to accept.
    All is well so long as I keep silent,
       as speaking only breaks.
    Frosted skin and hair,
       only glimpse to the protective strength without
           and the bleeding heart within.


Friday, December 6, 2013


How it should look here, since colors keep going all funky.
     So, it's winter...well, it'll be officially winter sooner or later, but most places now feel winter. Even where I live, we're feeling winter if you don't count today where it was around 70F. But since the temperature has dropped dramatically again (probably pining for attention) and I've managed to get some pics done, I thought to do Strawberry Singh's winter season challenge. Now on wards to questions!

  1. What is the December/Winter season like where you live? Hm...moody 'bout sums it up. As mentioned before, it was 70 today, 65 yesterday, and generally a warm week. And now it's back to 30, or will be. There's also never any snow, either too warm or too cold...like there must be some forcefield that keeps snow away, since you can watch on radars as snow goes around my city. But it's nice when there is actually snow that sticks and is worth something.
  2. When you think of winter, what's the first thing that pops into your head? Eggnog, warm apple cider, and cold. Usually around Thanksgiving there is eggnog in the house and last through most of winter, new cartons obviously. Cider is only a recent thing, but it's become tied as eggnog to my winters, probably the two things I look forward to the most. Cold on the other hand...well...
  3. Have you ever played any extreme winter sports? Unless sledding suddenly counts, no. Never been in a place with enough snow to actually do anything...and, even then, I'd stick to sledding...or cozying up by a fire. Yea, daredevil, totally. :P
  4. What do you like most about this season? Snow when I get it. My philosophy is that it shouldn't be cold unless it's snowing, otherwise cold is pointless and hibernating should become a thing. So...definitely snow is my favorite bit since there's much to do with it, and the cold then has some reason.
  5. Do you celebrate Christmas, Hannukkah, Kwanzaa or another holiday during this time of year? Christmas, yes. My Christmases have always been small, but always nice. I still remember my brother and I, once we weren't living in the same rooms as each other but were still cute and adorable, alternating years we'd sleep in each other's rooms. Then we'd wake up much too early, go to the tree which looked so...magical with the lights blinking in the dark and the presents underneath. We were good children so we didn't open the presents...we just raided our stockings. Always there was a stuffed animal in them, so, after searching the stockings and refilling them, we'd go back to whichever room with out new stuffed animal and sleep. Or we'd go into our parent's room and wake them up. So, good memories and hopefully there will be more.
Why this one isn't color-twisted, no idea.
    Image above? Illustration of forcefield that keeps snow away :P Oh, yea, maybe not the most wintery, but that's how my winters look for the most part, other than the obviously missing laptop, that is. But, hey, reading is good for you, so it balances out somewhat...I hope at least.
    But here's hoping to snow (for those who lack it) and a wonderful winter for all of y'all!

Sunday, December 1, 2013

The Little Things

    The little things always have the most impact, if you ask me. The little things that just add some adorableness to a day and help it end on a good note. Now, I go to sleep after the few who I actually consider friends *curses timezones* so my day doesn't always end with a good night that, somehow, has become a sort of...custom almost, unless I go to bed early, that is or someone goes to bed really late. That's actually one of those little things that help with days ending nicely...cause...I don't know. It's just one of those things that, if it suddenly stopped, I'd miss it. Strange, maybe, but, eh...that's how it is.
    Today I didn't go to bed early, obviously, but I went looking at some places I heard of and...I found some things that just made me smile for some reason. I love when people take time with their sims, even if that sim is mainly for a store. The whole sim is just...winter-y and adorable and...I don't know, I just love it.
It's a squirrel! With a nut!
    Maybe I'm easily entertained, but the squirrel is just...aww... And then something else caught my easily attracted eye...
    Looks so sad...but somehow forced me to take a pic of it. Of course there was more, too...
    Ice-skating bears. Yep, exactly. And there's more roaming on the ice, too. :D
    I'll admit it, I went to this sim, not only because some time back I wanted to go look (and didn't even realize it was a store) but because I wanted to check out the Advent hunt on the sim. A free hunt, mind you, which just had me do it all the more. And I'm glad I did, the sim is just so...I just love it. I'm going to have to go back and look around the whole thing, along with another sim I really like sometime. It's nice to find these little unexpected things, a nice start to December I do think....though I'm somehow more interested in the 3rd than 1st for some reasons.

    While I highly doubt anyone really reads this...well, other than one person, that is. Either way, here's the SLurl to Sway's, who's creations look just as cute as her sim :)

Sunday, November 24, 2013


    I know, another post, but I already said that I'm all thinking today. This is going to be so far from SL-related probably, but I...I don't know. Maybe it's something new that'll be an addition to this blog; non-sl stuff. I don't really talk to people and writing some things down that I don't care if others see or not is..I don't know. I'm more of a writer than a speaker, more of a listener than one who needs someone to listen.
    I finished the application for a college I desperately want to get into today. I won't know anything until January, but I have it finished. It's finished and... I hardly ever stress but I'm stressing over not getting in. It's like...this will be one more step into my future that I hope will be bright.
    And now I'm distracted because I've got Pirates of the Caribbean on TV and the multiple Jacks scene... God, I'm such a..I don't know, strange one?
    Uff, okay, right. College admission... I've never been top of my class, that has been my friends. In high school and onward, and this college is more private than open so... I don't know. I'm stressing for some reason and I can't help it. Stress is part of life, right? But I never, ever stress...unless it's about upsetting someone I care about. But otherwise? Nope, I am so stress-free it isn't funny. But soon as I start to stress, i get all panicky and anxious and...pfft...
    Maybe that's why I torture Malla so much. She gets all the stress I don't get so that I can work it out preemptively.

How real is it?

    I feel thoughtful today. I don't know why, just am and my thoughts have meandered to what is SL really? People put in their profiles all the time that SL and RL are two separate entities, and others put that SL is ingrained into their RL. So, which is right? Is one right and the other wrong? I guess it really depends how you present yourself in this virtual world. Is your pixel self you reflected? Or are the pixels just that, pixels? Are you honest to people you consider friends? Or is it all an act? How much do you divulge?
    Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
    Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
    Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
    So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
    All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
Is it the dream we hold firmly onto come morning? 

Friday, November 1, 2013

Happy Halloween!

    I'd like to begin this by asking: why, SL, why? *sobs in corner*
    No matter what I did, for the past three days I could never get the bottom half of the system-layer bits of my SL costume to load. It was either I had on pants/alpha form the last outfit I had on, only on the lower-half mind you, or my legs were all gray or my boot alpha wouldn't work or it was all fuzzy texture. Now, it might be I was wearing too much on my lower half, since other outfits worked just fine, and this one had two pants layer plus socks on (for the bloody bits) but...I don't' know. I just gave up after a certain point and decided to just go with the fuzzy textures, since that was better than my other options.
    Okay, now, onto the nice part of this post :P Halloween (my favorite holiday, btw) was yesterday and, if I hadn't been arguing with my outfit, I would have had this up then, but better a day late than never, right? So here is Strawberry Singh's Halloween meme.  Please do imagine non-fuzzy textures on blood on said textures and legs.
Still not entirely sure if my blood or not. Was a messy event :P
Had to add a closeup of the hair, too lovely to not.
    1) Did you go trick or treating as a child? Yes, I did all the way up to...seventh grade, I think. I loved it so very much especially since after my brother, parents, and I would go home to celebrate my dad's birthday.. Basically my brother and I had to sleep off a sugar rush come the end of the night :P
    2) What was the best costume you ever saw or wore yourself? Hm...as for seeing... That has to be when one of my dressed as Slender. This was just the other year, yes, but...well, it was fun. We had gone walking to see if another of our friends wanted to hang out with the group of us that was doing a small Halloween thing...and we had the Slender-dressed friend stand on random corners as people drove by. A lot of people sped up soon as they saw him...and then, of course, he scared the friend we were going to get. *grins* Mean, I know, but, well...
    Maybe it's the memory that makes it the best costume, but still counts in my book :)
    3) What is your most vivid memory about Halloween? When I was about four to six, I remember coming to aunt's neighborhood and going to one specific house. We had gone up to get candy and this guy dressed as some freaky-looking-old-thing jumped out and screamed...which essentially had me and my brother running down to our parents, crying. Maybe not the most pleasant memory...but now that I look back on it, it seems silly I was scared...but being little has different rules.
    4) What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The Grudge, no doubt. Maybe it's because I was, like, ten when I watched it...but that is the scariest movie I have seen. My brother fell asleep as we were watching it and my mom didn't turn it off because she thought it wouldn't scare me so bad. But it did and...I always had to have something at the foot of my bed, feet tucked under covers and a bunch of other things because I was afraid the grudge would come to get me. Took me about two weeks or so, but I got over it thankfully. I still won't watch the first one or the second one or whatever number and sure as hell wont' watch the Japanese original, but I'm not afraid to get killed by a ghostly mother-thing.
    5) Do you ever get nightmares after watching a scary movie? I used to, but now? No. I just scream and bust eardrums during the movie.
    6) Are you superstitious? If so, name at least one superstition of yours. Had to think on this one, but I don't think I really have anything that would qualify as a superstition. I don't have a lucky anything or believe breaking a mirror brings bad luck...so, no, actually. And that actually surprises me.
    7) What will you be doing this year for Halloween, if anything, in SL and RL? I didn't do anything in SL besides 'grr' and 'argh' over the textures of the lower half of my clothes...well that and RP as per usual. In RL, I passed out candy to the very few children in my neighborhood (and, yes, less children equals more candy for me :P ).

    So, happy belated Halloween/Samhain/Thursday to you all and hope all you enjoyed yesterday even if just another Thursday for ya.

Hair: *Alice Project* Delirium - Bloody Brown (*Was free on the 27th, up to 50L now*)
Blood: .DN. Blood Spatter (*Available in multiple layers, tattoo and clothing*)
Outfit: ::Envious:: PurpleHills Dress
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. GG June Nahla Milk
Eyes: [Taffy] Chapel - Hazel (*free on MP*)
Lipstick: R.icielli - Lipstick DOLL / 04 (*free on MP*)
Tears: 3-tears-Mascara
Eye Shadow: **NOYA** Face Make Up Tribal Small
Choker: "Captured Heart" barbed wire choker (*free on MP*)
Pose/Prop: SN ~ Mass Hysteria (*for Mass Hysteria hunt, ended 31st*)

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Really Don't Understand Some People

    So often people can act like they know everything and treat everything as a power game. It is rather upsetting, especially when the ones who end up pulled into those games are either yourself or someone you care for. When people act as if they know everything, generally their way of talking (or typing in SL's case) is very uppity and obnoxious. Some people may actually think these people funny when they are, in fact, insulting them and trying to hide it as a 'joke'. Personally, I'm not sure who of the two I would want to hit over the head with a shovel more. Some people are just so pretentious it isn't funny. Then these people get all pissy if you say 'okay, you need to stop being an ass' or something in nicer terms. Not to mention if you dare suggest they are wrong. They always, always, always must be right. If they are proven wrong, they storm off, only to come back later and have it all happen again. As for friends? They're only friends with people who think exactly how they do and agree all. the. time. I don't get it. I like it when friends don't always agree with my thoughts and ideas, it proves they can think! Do they just want 'friends' who don't think for themselves? Probably, sadly.
    Then there are the ones who play for power. This may not be as often in the whole of SL as much as roleplay places, I cannot say for sure, but the latter place has it too often. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry when i see these people trying to work their way into some 'power' position or make 'powerful' friends. It is honestly sickening. As I said, I'm mainly going off of how roleplay places can be. Thankfully I'm more in the background as well as a woman in both avatar and RL. It seems most often it is women-avis going after more incharge men-avis, but that is not to say men-avis are entirely free of going after higher up women-avis; that just seems to be less often. But the ones who go after these people...they will ignore all others around possibly, do something dramatic to gain attention, bother someone in IM when it should be clear they are thinking 'fuck off'. I...I don't know how some people handle these people peacefully. Without even thinking, I know I would be likely to just straight up tell them to go put something somewhere, but others? Others somehow manage to just deal with it and vent to someone about someone else's stupidity.
    I really don't know how people think that being so clingy and obvious is the way to get you friends (or more) with someone in 'power'. Do they honestly think they'll manage to get status by acting like they do? Why not just have fun? Roleplay is for fun, not power. And if this does actually happen elsewhere than just roleplay sims...that's...just all the more sad. I cannot quiet explain how it is more sad, since words fail me now, but it is.
    Why this rant? I'm logged in and watching OOC (out-of-character) chat for the roleplay sim I'm in. I want to beat people with shovels, but, instead, I'm blogging. Isn't that nice of me to bother any readers instead of going shovel crazy? :P
    But, out of curiosity, whoever is here reading this, do you have any insight to this? If you do, please dear gods share, because I just have no clue what goes through either of the type of people's minds and I would just love to understand.

Sunday, October 13, 2013


    I finally got an idea! I've been sitting here, looking tot he topics for the Writer's Block Chapter Five thinking that there's an idea somewhere...just...where? And then it hit me; an idea for the dysfunctionality prompt. I don't know how, it just did. It hit me, so here it is. Enjoy :)
                                How can one label a person or thing dysfunctional?
                               If it works, it is functioning.
                                                                                                                         They call us dysfunctional.
                                                       They claim I should leave him.
   But we love one another and we always find our way back to each other, how is that wrong?
                                                                                                                He's broken my heart.
                                                      I've broken his.
                       He's been hurt so many times by others.
                                        I've been hurt so many times by others.
                                                    When the world is broken, who is                                                                                                                                                     whole?
  We fit, if barely.                                                            
                                            A puzzle that does not quite seem right.
                                                             That is labeled.

                                    If everything is not perfect, it is
                                            But what is perfect?

                                            He hurts me with his wild claims.
                     I hurt him by my mistakes.
                                                            But he makes me feel whole again.
                             I help ease his pain, help him see the light through the fog.
                                                                                 I'm sane,
                                                                                     or used to be,
                                                               how can that label apply?
                                                       Since a while.
                                                                                                                           I say no.
                                                                          The world says yes.
               All the world is is dysfuntionality.

Friday, September 20, 2013


    It was a day like any other with the early morning sun streaming into the tent. Joan liked to call it our 'shack', even though it was only this water-resistant cloth we had found and decided to carry around with us. I never did understand some of her jokes and wording for things. I suppose it was just one of those things I was beyond understanding because of what I was, what I am. On that day, when I left the tent and didn't see Joan sitting at our small fire, I felt a pin of panic in my heart. She had this habit of wandering off on her own, so I was used to it. But why today, of all days, would I be so worried?
    Sparse dead trees surrounded me. Dead grass and dry dirt rested under my boots. Not too far off I could see a city; ruined buildings covered with various plant life, dead or otherwise. But no Joan. The world had become too dangerous for either of us to wander off on our own. I had told her this plenty of times. I went back inside quickly to grab my large knife and throwing cards: four aces I had been gifted with along with an actual deck of playing cards. If someone had decided to take her or bite her or...who knew what else, I swore that I would kill them slowly. Running back outside, I looked around again to decide where to start looking.
    And there was Joan, sitting innocently near our dead fire, fixing her bow.
    "Joan!," I shouted, marching over to her. She looked up to me, smiling even though my face was likely stormy. Strange how only some months ago my face never would have been anywhere near stormy nor would I have ever felt so concerned over...anyone. I also never would have wanted to hit someone...let alone kiss.
    "Aw, come on. I was just looking for some breakfast, wanted to surprise you." She set her bow down and stood, crossing the last few steps to me. I'm about three inches shorter than her and very much her opposite. Where her build was athletic, I am simply thin. Her voice held so much more emotion than I could possibly fathom, while mine has only the bare minimum; close to being monotone. I am paler than most humans, with only some tint to what used to be paper white skin. Joan...she had dark, colored skin nearly as smooth as mine. And that was surprising, since she was human and most humans did not have smooth skin. Her medium length black hair was tied back in a ponytail that day and my long, red hair was loosely hanging down my back. Her eyes were what I loved the most about her physical aspects. They were like emeralds in her dark face. Her eyes put my pale gray ones to shame.
    The deep green of her eyes had enraptured me once more, so much so I hardly noticed her arms wrapping around me. "I didn't mean to worry you, Lena," she said, her voice comforting. The name of 'Lena' still sounded strange when applied to me. I used to be simply a number, and now I am always Lena.
    And Joan loved me even knowing the shell I used to be.
    I lifted myself up the few inches to kiss her lovingly, having dropped my knife and cards to the ground next to my feet. Time seemed to belong to only us and it seemed as if the world had not been destroyed by those I used to belong with. I do not belong with humans or those I was made with, but I did and do belong with Joan and she with me.
    After much too short a time, she pulled away and went back to fixing her bow. "I was thinking we should see about finding something not mutated today," she said once she was sitting.
    "Since when are there non-mutated creatures? The closest we may find is...I am not sure," I shrugged a shoulder and took my weapons back up, sliding the cards and knife into their sheaths on my belt, before sitting next to her.
    "I saw a squirrel. Small, no spikes."
    "I do not believe you."
    "Honest! I saw one," she insisted, setting her fixed bow aside as a competitive look came to her eyes. "Tell you what, let's have a little bet. If one of us finds a non-mutated animal, I win. We don't, you do."
    I grinned at her and poked her arm. "What do I receive when I win?"
    "Hm...well, I know what I want when I win." She gave me a quick kiss, grabbed her bow, then dashed off. At least this time I knew which direction she went and that she had left, so I was not as worried. I went the opposite way of her and climbed up into one of the trees that had a few more leaves than the others. And waited.
    It didn't take long before I heard a familiar choking and gargling sound, every now and again interrupted with groans or moans. With knife in had, my gaze flicked around near the base of 'my' tree. I knew this was not one of those that spoke. it was one of those that was fast once it caught sight or scent of its prey. Joan and I had found one, after we bludgeoned it to near death, that spoke. It died, but I cannot say I am sorry. It was probably just part of the experiment those that used to be my people had managed to do better on. That is how this whole world came to be; They decided every single person should be like Them.
    The Walking came into my field of vision, limping along on his lonesome. I would have used one of my throwing cards, but that likely would not have gotten through to the brain. So I threw my knife inside. It stuck right into the back of his head, blackened blood seeping out around the knife as he thudded tot he ground.
    I jumped from the tree, landing lightly on my feet, and quickly went to pull my knife from his head. They never travel alone. There is always at least two, if not a whole pack. I had to go warn Joan so we could pack up and move on. If we did not...there was no telling what would come next.
    But that was when I heard a shrill cry that made my blood run cold.
    That had my heart stop for a moment.
    That announced the end of what I cared of.
    I took of as quickly as my feet would carry me, heading right towards where I heard Joan's scream. Did more of the Dead find her? Did They find her? I did not know, but I was going to find out and make whoever it was pay for hurting her, for making her scream like that.
    When I made it to our camp, the first thing I saw was a normal gray squirrel near the now lighted fire. Then I saw Joan, being held firmly by two of Them. One was male, the other female. Other than their gender, they were completely alike: pure white hair, paper white skin, and emotionless pale, gray eyes. I looked nothing like them except for my eyes and shape. Everything had been changed since my Execution.
    "Mother was right. We found her," the male said in his voice that was entirely devoid of any emotion.
    The female nodded. "Yes. Now," she looked to me, "Come with us to home. We will not harm this one."
    I did not believe them. For some reason they had swords, not needles filled with sedative or poison. We...They never used weapons like swords. While they waited for my reply, Joan managed to struggle from their grasp, moving over to me quickly.
    The look on my face must have been complete fear, for she put her hands gently on my cheeks only for a second before turning to the two.
    Then there was a sword protruding form her back, nearly skewering me with her.
    I am not sure what happened after that. I remember red blood. I remember black blood. I remember nearly black blood, which must have been mine. There was no pain, but that was only because I could not feel pain. I was not fully human nor fully Them. When things came back into focus for me, I was holding Joan to me. Her skin seemed paler somehow. But her skin was a living color....how could it be paler? She was colder, too. Her once beautiful eyes marred by an emptiness.
    I felt...something in my heart. Something I had not been taught to mirror with facial expressions or tone of voice or simply how it felt and what to call it. I felt as if someone had stabbed my heart instead of Joan. I felt as if my heart had been tossed onto the fire when I realized what I had to do next. I was not sure how it managed some people changed after death and not others, but I did not want that to happen to her. I took one of their swords from their cold hands, though their coldness was not different from how they normally were. I used the sword to stab through her head, with tears welling up inside of me. I had never felt this way before; another first emotion Joan had given me. Except I did not want this feeling of complete and utter loneliness. I did not want to feel as if I lost the only thing that mattered to me, that gave me reason to keep trying to better myself. I did not want to feel...so heartbroken. Yes, that was what this emotion was called: heartbroken.
    I left the sword next to her and turned towards where I knew They were. I could not bury her as we had no shovel. I could not lay down beside her to die. I had to stop Them from what they were doing. Or warn people. That was what we were working on. We wanted to warn others that these...monsters were taking people to try and make more of Them. That they were making the dead walk. That all of this was Their fault.
    I promised I would do that. I would keep that promise. For Joan I would keep my promise and make sure to ruin those I was once part of.
    My heart was broken. I didn't care about being careful anymore.
    Yes, this is a post for the Writer's Block Chapter Four, click the link to read more about the challenge and other prompts and entire. My own entry this time is taken rather much form a story I'm working on, at least it's set int eh same world. I know, I know, post-apocalyptic is...not so new anymore, but meh! I'm really just too happy that all that stuff in pic, minus my hair and skin and the background which I had to edit in were all from one place! See, this is why doing random things because they seem interesting is good. I just couldn't believe how it all worked out and fit perfectly. Too ecstatic about that. But where it is from is MadPea's hunt for September; Lennon Park Massacre. I mostly went because I stumbled upon their blog, saw something about a camping massacre-thing and...well, I mostly went for pics only, sine the sim is nicely done. But you see how my original plan worked out, don't you?
    Anyway, I'll save you form more rambling and just say this: I hope you enjoyed the little short story. :)

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Sex in SL

    When most people hear the word sex, they think of the physical act. I'll admit that is something that first pops into my head for a moment, but the thought of someone's physical make-up accompanies it. Sex is a person's physical body as well as the act itself, but their gender is entirely mental. While most think the two synonymous, they aren't.
    Now what does this have to do with SL?
    Everyone's avatar has a virtual sex human, furry, whatever else, they have a sex (and possibly have sex, too). The virtual sex may more correctly reflect their real gender than their physical bodies do. But, think of this for a moment: you are a person who has never felt like you belong in your own skin. You have always acted as the other sex, more than your own. You know why; you are a woman in a man's body or a man in a woman's. You can't afford an expensive surgery to truly show your inner-self, but at least you can dress however you want. Though there is a stigma following you because of how you dress, how you talk, how you love. But you are on SL. In SL, you are a man or a woman; physically and mentally. It helps to ease some of what you go through. It helps you be you.
    Now, that is entirely hypothetical, but also in the realm of possibility. Yes, people who have their sex and gender not matching may have severe depression, but maybe there are a few who find a way to keep themselves from falling too low, from maybe committing suicide. Maybe Second Life is something that helps them cope, as there is no stigma or expensive surgery to be saved for. Some in SL are their real sex, others not. Some may be a different sex to create their fantasy, some might do it for fun or a new experience, but what of those who are showing their true selves? Like the situation I gave, some cannot afford the surgery, but with a virtual realm, they can fit in their frame.
    We are all unique.
    We are all art.
    Nothing is wrong with the people, who's genders differ from their sex, finding a way so that the unique piece of art they are can fit into a frame like every other artwork.
    I'll admit it, since it's no big secret anyhow, I'm a psychology student who was flipping through her textbook with the topics of the Writer's Block Chapter three on her mind. This is what happens, very much so. But, in anycase, I just had to participate again since...I love the topics Katya comes up with. I also love to peer at the other entries and see the different take son the topics. Granted, I realize mine is probably a bit...far off from what was 'meant' to be written about, but here's to hoping I'm not the only one thinking in this direction!
    Anyhow, am already anticipating the next topics and will likely write something up for those, too.

Hair: Magika Give
Blouse: Mesh Head - Off The Shoulder Blouse (Free, HUD to change colors)
Underwear: :Envious: Love Me Lower (Group Gift, SLurl)
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. Nahla Milk (Kollective June gift)
Shoes: SLX Outfit: Long Dress pumps  (pumps come with dress, but the dress itself is nice as well and the skirt changes colors with HUD)

Saturday, September 7, 2013

And I Shall Name Him Charcoal

Well, I already named him Charcoal.
    See that kitty? That's Charcoal. Sadly, he was asleep when i took him out of my inventory to take pics, but I still sort of managed. I'll get better ones when he's awake. Charcoal is one of the cats being given away as part of Firestorm's third anniversary until the tenth. The firekitties have Firestorm emblazoned on their sides and little flame tipped ears and tail, not to mention flame eyes. All in all, they're adorable. They even have an option to add a hat and collar. I don't have Charcoal wearing those, but I might if I decide to take a picture with the hat the KittyCats Addicts group gives to match the cat for free ingroup. I joined just incase I might need some assistance should somehow my adorable cat go missing; but, if you decide to use the free starter cat coupon that comes inside the package with the Firestorm cat, that group would probably be even more helpful. This cat, thankfully, doesn't need food or anything nor does it breed, but the cat in the coupon you get will. So fair warning incase you don't want to be buying food and stuff.
    The cats are either male or female and you can change their name or you can keep their default. I changed mine because I didn't like his default name too much. They also start out so tiny, basically the size of an avatar's hand. Adorable! Nearly as soon as Charcoal escaped his box, I had him sitting on my shoulder. But, since they grow, I know soon enough I'll only be able to hold him. At four days, I believe, is when they stop sitting on your shoulder and they stop growing at day seven. Charcoal is only two days old as of the moment, so he's still growing. I know it's strange, but I think these cats are absolutely adorable and it such a lovely way to celebrate Firestorm's anniversary. I don't mind the label on his side simply because this is the viewer I use, so it's not like it's going against anything for me.
    Really tempted to open that starter cat....but I know better than to try to keep being able to feed that one.
    If you all want to read more about the cat and find where to get it (not to mention see a better picture) click here. Happy third anniversary Firestorm!

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Let's Go Exploring!

    The other day I was looking for a jungle-African Savannah-type sim, but I ended up finding none. My reason had been because I had found this neat (free) skin on marketplace and ended up styling around it and wanted to go take pictures someplace fitting. For some unknown reason I couldn't find anything the like. In Firestorm search I typed 'jungle', 'Africa', 'rainforest' all to no avail. So, I went to the real life section of the destination guide on Second Life's website; everything but Africa or jungles! Ugh. I was frustrated and tempted to go curl up in a corner for a good bit, but then I decided to just take a break and go look through some LMs of mine. I went to a few sims I like before I remembered Strawberry Singh had a meme about exploring SL. So, sighing at myself for remembering that after leaving the sims, I retraced my steps, turning my shadows and atmospheric shaders on, then bumping up my draw distance. I even managed to get some decent pics without being crashed once! Success!

    I'm not sure what it is, but this place just has this...whimsical, romantic feel. The connecting sim, Oubliette seems to have a similar vibe...I just haven't made it over that way just yet. There's some danceballs and such scattered about and more colorful flowers, which is a must in my book. Very naturic and perfect for if you're looking for a place for softer pictures and such. It's one of those places I still want to stick my fae in and take a few pictures of her frolicking about. Seems just perfect for that.

    I had to take at least two pics for this sim because it does vary. There are also a lot of clickables, one being a giant hot air balloon unless I'm mistaken. But this sim is based off the place that Beatrix Potter (author of stories like Peter Rabbit) wrote her books, as well as some of her stories. When you enter the sim, it takes you to a little welcoming area that gives you two NCs, one being about her life. I thought that was interesting to learn some more about this children's writer. The sim itself is gorgeous and has this whimsy to it. If you can't tell by now, whimsy and fantasy is something I love in any sim. And this one certainly does it right. There are different little parts that are from her stories scattered about the sim and multiple area to explore or just take pictures.

    Unfortunately, the leaf textures didn't want to load for me at all when I was taking these pics. So, even though I have one that better shows the sim, this picture will have to do since the awkward leaves just make the place look...not so good. Anyhow, the Garden of Dreams has a few slightly varied areas. I went to the great tree one which, you guessed it, has a giant tree. You have to choose where you want to go from the boards near where you land so you can be TPed there. There are clickies all around, for couples and singles, which is something I love about it. Anyplace with clickies with decent animations or poses and I'm in. Granted, a log i clicked had three options labeled 'sex' and that had me thinking that anyone willing to try that would have a few splinters...but I digress. It's a nice, peaceful-feeling sim that I have yet to finish with all the clicking.
    Also, another word in its favor; it worked awesomely for my tigertype outfit I had thrown together!

    On a side note, I had planned to do this on another blog, but since I decided last minute to use a picture with my outfit in this one...this the stuff so you can be kittyfied and rawr at people without seeming crazy :P

Skin: ~*Hiyori*~ruby black - cat2 -
Outfit: :.Envious.: Animalistic (SLurl, group gift) *She also has some nice skins available as well as                                                                                           clothes.
Hair: Eaters Coma - Gift 01 (SLurl, group gift) *Comes with a HUD for multiple, natural hair colors.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Demoness in Ghostville

    So, I went to a place called Ghostville. I think I'm in love. The sim is really pretty with little bits made to look like drawings (even drawn hearts in drawn rain, not that that stayed loaded whenever I tried for pictures, but still) and, even better, lots of clickies! I still have to go back to get more pictures and to click all the things, of course.
    But what had had me find the place was the fat I was looking for someplace that would work for a witch-demon-thingy. On the suggestion of a friend, I was going to try to find some Greek or Roman baths (hopefully without people around as being antisocial dictates :P ) but somehow Ghostville showed up in search and I remember seeing a couple pics from there on two of the blogs I read and decided to check it out. I couldn't have been more happy that I did go. My only issue was...lots of random people and pretty much all on voice. Maybe one or two seemed like they might be taking pictures, that's really the only time I'm not thinking 'flee!' when people are around, but the rest..well... I'm just glad I have voice turned off since I don't even want to imagine whatever conversation they may have been having. Sure, they may have been debating some serious issues, but I highly doubt that...
    In any case, I have pictures that were mostly inspired by this song I recently heard and can't get out of my head. I'll post the pics then the video. Something that should be noted; the black 'smudges' on the third is supposed to be drawn rain drops and drawn hearts, but the textures decided to go into mutiny. Besides that, enjoy. :)

    I'll admit it, the dress and horned crown were from the fantasy gatcha fair, which is closed by now. I had a few lindens that weren't able to really buy anything elsewhere and I kind of really wanted that dress, partially for my roleplay character, so I caved. And for only fifty...I can't argue. Hell, if I only wanted the crown, I got that the first time around and it would have been only twenty-five...but I digress. I still suggest you go visit Ghostville, though, even if picture taking isn't your thing, it is really nice.
    Here's a slurl to help: Ghostville

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Only Time 42 is the Answer

Twirly, twirly...yea, I'm easily entertained...
    Definitely getting more into the swing of things once more...at least if the fact I took a bunch of pictures means that. Though, sadly, my classes are starting back up for me soon so picture taking and such will be more pushed tot he weekend when I can stay up and not feel like passing out the moment I get home. Ah learning...
    Anyway, Strawberry Singh has another of her challenges I've been wanting to fill out and decided to do it between photo edits for another blog post. Seriously, though, this is the only time 42 is relative. No matter how many times you yell that as an answer to your history class's question, it won't be the answer. Enough of my rambling and onto the questions (you'll get more rambles after ;) ):
  1. Have you reached the 42 group limit? Not even close. I'm...picky, I guess, about my groups. That and I don't really go to too many stores since I seem to be perpetually broke except for the few, rare instances. Most of my store-type groups are part of a 'list' I have so that I can see what new things I want to add to said list, aptly named 'list of things I want, but can't yet get.' I would NC the list, but that would get buried god knows where and I would forget the name. Then I have my roleplay groups and that's only two sims, one I keep simply because I have a character approved there and some of the groups are invite only... Bit closer to the limit, though, after peering at answers to the meme and, yes, that also means my list has grown longer.
  2. Do you do a lot of group hopping to keep up with all the groups you want to stay a part of? I've never had to. Really, if I leave a group, though it usually pains me as I had a good reason to join it, I don't ever join back because there isn't much of a reason for me to.
  3. What makes you want to join a group? Hm...that it's helpful and informative. Customer groups, if I like the store, I join so I can have their new releases on my long, long list. Also, freebies are always nice, too. Since I think it really just shows some appreciation for customers. And, yes, I said I'm broke but I always try to make sure to buy at least one thing from a store, when I have the lindens, if their group gives freebies...that way I don't feel like a freeloader. 
  4. A lot of store VIP groups have a group fee which you have to pay to join. How do you feel about paying group fees?  Personally I don't like group fees. Yes, it keeps out random people who are there for freebies only and spammers, but, at the same time, there are people already buying, or at least plan to buy for people like me, from that store that are in the group...charging them more, while it might sometimes be worth it, seems kinda pointless to me. Plus I'm wary of groups that might say they give free gifts/discounts/etc. if you pay how ever much, but don't back it up.
  5. Name a few groups that you are a part of that you feel everyone should look into joining and share your reasons behind that. Okay, this is a hard one as most of my groups are roleplay groups, but I do have two I would suggest.
    Image Essentials:  This group is for a whole sim, the Image Essentials sim, that has a bunch of different things for pictures. There's different area with props and poseballs scattered about, varying from a dark forest to a cottage, as well as pose studios. The studios are props with poses in them that are separated between group, couple, female, family, male, and backround (those have no poses in them). What the group itself is for is using the studios and rezzing your own props or poses on sim, that you obviously have to clean up afterward. But it's free and lets you use some thing son the sim and there's a photo competition every month where you could win some lindens. As well there are notices when there are photography classes.

   Something New: Not being biased cause I blog for this store (though I haven't been able to lately since most of the things are couples/friends that I've seen...and the two I would ask are busy lately), but there's nice poses and props. The group is free to join and, along with updates, there are group freebies.

    Okay, I know, giant white box...but I'll work on fixing it in the morning. Too lazy right now. :P But I had promised more rambling and I was serious...if only because I love my Alice outfit. I've had it for a short bit now, a friend had bought it for me, and...it's another one of those things I really, really don't want to take off. It's not mesh, far from it, but I do think it's really rather nice. Especially since the dress comes with two pocket options; one with things like a bunny, drink me vial, and pocket watch in it and one that's empty and you ca put your own stuff in. Haven't tried that last option myself just yet...but when I have things I want to put in there, I certainly plan to.

Hair: Magika Tomorrow (Link to demo)

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Losing My Religon

    Yes, I haven't blogged in a while, but...there's been things keeping me from it. Mostly just RL stuff affecting my mood for anything picture or blog related. I'm back, though, and figured why not start with this neat challenge?

    Recently I came across a blog I have yet to peer at and saw a challenge that piqued my interest. I'm not sure how I got to it, but that's besides the point. You can read about the challenge itself here. Now, being the little hopeful writer I am, I couldn't much resist to put something in for this week. But before we get to that, I want to mention a couple things on my styling. The hair was one of the gifts at Hair Fair and, incase you're wondering, I chose the streaked naturals pack with the brown with blue streaks for that one hair. Probably when I have lindens I'll go to that store to find other styles and such stuff since...I like the HUD and stuff that can be done with it. Even if I were to get only one color pack with the paid for one, there still would be quite a few options it looks like.
    Anyway the undershirt was part of an outfit I got from a friend last summer I think. So it can't be bought on it's own as far as I'm aware. The top was also a gift from Hair Fair; chances are it's in the Heartless store, not sure though. And as i mentioned below, and probably on some past blog, the necklace is from an outfit. A very beautiful dress, yes, but if you only want the necklace, you would have to get the whole outfit that comes with it.
    Onto the challenge: I chose the prompt 'Losing my Religion'. I originally thought of the song and doing something inspired off of that, but I ended up changing my mind to what my entry is now; something a bit recent and more me. In anycase, my entry to the challenge is right below the picture. Hope y'all enjoy.
    I was born and raised, for most of my life so far, Catholic. I was baptized. I had my first communion. I went to Sunday school. I sang in the choir. I volunteered in the daycare with my mom. I almost went to a Catholic elementary school. Basically, I had a religious upbringing. That mostly had to deal with my grandma, though, and once she died...my parents, brother, and I didn't go to church as much. I can still remember going to church with my aunt, mom, brother, grandma, cousin, and dad. I still remember skipping along the bricked sidewalk of Olde Town in my little 'heels', listening to clacking sound they made, and watching my skirt swish about. I loved it. Then after we all would go to Olde Country Buffet, eat, talk...and just be a family.
    My grandma died when I was about five. That death, the first death I really ever dealt with, really impacted me and still saddens me to this day. My family and I still went to church once she died, but it was less. My dad didn't go because the pews hurt his back, which he has problems with without wooden benches. My aunt and cousin didn't go with us. We also moved and changed churches. That wasn't too bad, since my brother and I would go to Sunday school soon as we changed. I really did enjoy speaking and playing with the other children. It was fun. That was what I looked forward to when going to church. That and my frilly, Sunday dresses and grownup shoes. My brother and I also joined the children's choir. That was fun, too, just like my school choir...only more religion based.
    Again, time moved on and I grew up. Once I couldn't really go to Sunday school and once I had done my first communion, I grew bored. Sitting on uncomfortable wooden benches, listening to a priest go on about things I'd heard a hundred times already...I didn't like it. Slowly, my brother, mom, and I went to church less and less. We only went on Christmas and Palm Sunday. My brother and I stopped joining the choir. Then my brother stopped wanting to go. Then my mom and I only went on Palm Sunday. At some point...we all just stopped, mostly due to transportation issues, but we still stopped. That's not to say my mom doesn't want to go, she's probably the only one who does. She's the one who asked me if I would want to do confirmation or not. I didn't do it, but I would go to church with her if she wanted except that I don't consider myself Catholic anymore. I tried to cling to my faith by praying, going to church with friends...but it didn't work. I enjoyed going to church with friends, yes, but the words that were being spoken and sung just didn't click anymore.
    I believe that I have grown and moved pass my 'old' religion and found one that fits me better. One that...I'm not constantly questioning. Yes, I'm not going all by what I'm told by whatever book, but it still fits more than believing in what Catholics, and all other Christian faiths, believe. I think I may have been more enamored by the idea of family and friendship than the actual belief system. It was all the children my age, the whole thing of my family going together, all of that that made me care. I prayed when I was little to this big man in the sky who would make everything better. I kept thinking that my grandma was looking down on me and keeping me safe. I'll admit those are nice thoughts, but they aren't what I believe. Not truly. Others may believe that and I know my parents, and probably my brother, do...but not me. I'm lucky to have openminded parents who didn't get all ranty when I mentioned I was looking into other religions.
    I am who I am and my beliefs are the same. I may have lost my first religion, but I gained a new one. I know this has been said by others before, but people really shouldn't be afraid to let go of something simply for fear of drifting about in endless space. Sometimes you have to let go to find something you want to hang on to. Losing doesn't always mean you have one thing less.

Hair: *Alice Project* Erica - Create Your Own (-Mesh-)
Necklace: Morgana Necklace (-included with ViGo Morgana Dress-)
Top: Heartless: Laced Crop Top (Black) (-Mesh-)
Undershirt: Gypsy Summer Shirt
Pose: .:Still Life:. [pose] crumbling wall freebie

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Cue the Pokemon Theme!

    I've finally gotten pictures of a free mesh pokemon belt (that comes with a handheld pokeball, too!) that a friend had pointed me to for a pokemon shoot we planned to do. And we shall do it, too! I've even got the perfect outfit for it now and it's all anime-type-cartoon-thing! Yea...I should be asleep, but I had to get these pictures done. Basically everything that I have linked is free except for the eyeshadow, which is part of a makeup pack I've linked someplace before, and the hair. But the hair is a dollarbie so it's close. The pose comes in a pack that has three and it is available at ploom's Hair Fair booth, so that's only going to be there a limited time unless they make it available at their store as a gift or however. The hair, also, is at a Hair Fair booth, so best to go grab it quick. Both stores, though have some nice styles, so you might want to consider buying some of their hairs if you have the lindens. Or you could go buy from some other creator there. In any case, if you buy something from there, some of the purchase will go to Wigs for Kids. Each booth has a little sign that says how much (minimum 15%) they are donating, though some styles and such vary. And, yes, this is all very way after the opening and so close to the closing...but, well, it happens. You should still go look since the sims are probably not as crowded now.
I attached the pokeball to my left hand, but it normally goes on the right.

I'm going to find at least one; I have a lot of balls to fill.
I could barely typed that with a straight face....

Adorable pigtails + pink cheeks= stereotypical anime girl?
    I really do love this hair, though. The bows are actually optional, but I had to wear them. Probably you could put different things where the bows are if you want to change the 'look' of the hair as it were, which is actually pretty nice since enough hairs won't let you take off the accessories they come with. So, anime, cyberpunk, or just random; whatever you're going for, it should work nicely.

Eyeshadow: **NOYA** 9 Make Up Options (green asian used)
Blush: :*BABY*: Free Starry Night Blush -Berry- tattoo layer (extreme version used)
Hair: eep . hair 012 . green (SLurl to Hair Fair booth)
Belt/Ball: FREE Loki Mesh - Pokemon Trainer Belt
Pose: .ploom. Bones 3 (SLurl to Hair Fair booth)

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Adventures of Berry the Bear!

Alright, today isn't so much with a free item as a place with a lot of things for taking pictures without having to buy a bunch of items. This place is called Image Essentials (linked SLurl) and has many different props and areas to take pictures in; the areas having props as well. Personally, I love it because I can use shadows and such there without having to worry about SL going 'nope *crash*'. Which is what it decided to do most of yesterday and why I couldn't do this on Friday. I think everything is against me doing it on Friday for whatever reason. So, click that link up there and head on over if you're looking for a place that has many varied places (like a dark forest, a ravine, a cottage, and different studios for groups and singles with different backgrounds and poses). It's really lovely and all that is asked is that you join the group which is free to join. There's even  monthly contest where you can possibly win some lindens if you're pictures are good enough. The pictures at the house are taken in the cottage at Image Essentials.
    Now, I had to use this as a reason to show off my new mesh bear avi that I got as a gift from a friend. I love it so very, very much. It's very customizable in color of fur, backpack color, pen color, if you want the glasses and/or back pack on, and don't forget size. It goes form XS to uber and uber is...well, uber. Very much so. The type of bear you don't want hugging you because it might accidentally squish you. But, I put the XS on, changed it to a blue bear and went on my merry way. And that is how Berry's adventures began.
First Berry decided to go to the store. He had to get close to see how fresh the watermelon was.

He didn't want fruit. And when he saw the candy display, he had to buy it out.

He also found the pie display. Apparently this little blue bear has a sweet tooth.
After wandering, he found a house. And inside were cupcakes! 

Berry then found some pictures. Too bad he's too short to see them all that well.
It was getting late, so he decided to go eat his pie.

And since the house was lacking a bed, the little blue bear took out a towel and slept on that.
After taking his backpack and glasses off, of course.
     I seriously love this bear. And, now that i think of it, he's a mix of my two most favorite stuffed animals, one that I still have. His name is that of my little teddy bear and he's blue, like a giant blue bear I used to have. Hm...actually he can even be the same size as that... That's something I'll have to keep in mind. Until next time on: Berry's Adventures! Who knows what this bear will find (and what sweets he'll eat)!

Here's a link to the bear avatar incase you want some added cuteness to your own wanderings:
Nerd Bear - Mesh Avatar