Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Breathe

    Breathe.
    Easy right?
    Yea...should be, especially when I know how this all goes...but still.
    Right now I'm more or less having an issue with that simple action, in the figurative sense, but still. There's just a few things that frustrate me at the moment, RL-wise, and some other things that make me feel worried and such things; but I'm used to this, especially during the summer as strange as that may sound. But with all this is coming a want for various things, and, granted, if certain things weren't as they were a couple things wouldn't be wanted, but, well. One of things I'm seriously starting to lean towards is something I'd more so want to talk to someone about, or, rather, just blurt out my ideas to a listening ear while working on some conclusion, though some input would be nice, too. Especially with limited resources and whatnot. But I'm bad with talking to people, asking for things, or anything...I joke about things instead. It's easier.
    But another thing, which is really why I'm bother writing this here instead of in my diary/notebook/thing I lost the key to and cannot for the life of me open (you'd think I would've learned my lesson by now about putting things where I think I'll remember them), is that one of the things I'm thinking on works to this blog. I know it's not much of a following, really I'm almost certain it's pretty much only friends of mine (which I do not mind in the least, believe me), but as an earmarker for me and just because people do actually read this. I need to breathe, think, and see if I can manage something. Mostly I'm wanting to have it be more...orderly. Right now it is true to its name; my mind's shadow and all the random in there. Of course that's sort of a type of order, but, if I can manage to figure out how to make this turn around, I'll do that. If not, it'll stay random. As it is, my plan may only last for a short while of orderness, then could easily collapse back to random. But will see.
    This may also just be because of my mood, though, so I'm not entirely certain how it will go for that reason as well. It all depends, I suppose, on what is really going on in my head which, at this point, I'm only half sure of myself. But soon the rough patches will pass and I will be able to breathe once more.


Monday, June 23, 2014

Growing Up

    And once more I'm unable to sleep. I'm tired, as I've been more often than not lately, but soon as I try to sleep, I fail miserably..except during the day time when a thirty minute nap quickly turns into two hours. Super fun. Probably won't be asleep until the sun starts to rise again, but one can hope, right?
    Anyhow, on to what this is actually about: growing up. Okay, not growing up in the tradition sense, but in a...changes of avatar way. I don't mean switching between hair colors every other day or shapes or skins or whatever, but I mean, if you have a normal every day look and you start to change it slowly over time. I know Armalla, my roleplay character for a few years now, has had a few 'growing' changes in her appearance; style of clothing in a very small way, eyes, and her skin. Not to mention her shape which I've tweaked the tiniest of bits, basically to make it so her legs aren't so thin.
    But my 'usual' OOC look has changed some, too. I've changed the shape a bit, slowly, over time, my average hair color is the same, skin has changed a bit thanks to group gifts and the like, and recently I've been suing brown eyes (or sorta kinda silver android eyes) more than hazel. Now, the last thing I have a good reason for; the hazel eyes I have are meh and I'm picky with hazel coloring. Some are too bright, other too dark, and other things that make me not go for it. But, on the other hand, I love these silver-ish eyes I have from ~*By Snow*~, which were a freebie I picked up when I had some idea for a picture I never took, and, while they are meant for more robot thingies, I like them. They're pretty. (These ones.) So I use them sometimes. I also have a nice set of brown eyes, add that to my mild weakness for brown eyes and...well...I've started using those a bit, too. Don't get me wrong, I love using hazel, but I'm picky. Very picky when it comes to that shade. And I've looked through marketplace without managing to find a freebie or so that is good enough for me.
    I'll admit to using blonde hair OOC wise, too. Usually that's either because it seems to fit better, or if the only color of the hair that seems to fit I have is blonde. Switching between brunette and blonde actually doesn't seem that strange to me, but that may have something to do with Armalla being a blonde and how used I am to that by now.

Yep. Blonde haired and brown eyed, it happened.
   
    But what I'm trying to get at with all this is that, over time, avatars grow a little in their own way. Assuming you don't change things all the time and, as mentioned, have a 'usual', or two, look(s). You find better skins, decide you like certain eyes better, or a new hair color, etc. Avatars have this capability to grow up so that the picture you have from maybe a few months back will and won't look like a current picture, much like how your ten year old self probably did and didn't look like your sixteen year old self. If you count by years with SL, then you will definitely not look the same if you like to keep updated with new things; basically that just means perhaps you'll look similar, but as newer model fitted with mesh instead of system layers and flexi hair. Though flexi and system layers are still used and can be gorgeous for certain things, two of my favorite shorter styles have are mainly flexi with one of them 'only' have a mesh attachment I've never used, they aren't the 'new' thing. I suppose you could compare updating an avatar with the sleeker items to buying a new model of whatever car.
    I can look back on older pictures, or just go through my saved outfits, and see the differences. As it is, last night, I updated my elven huntress look a bit, but didn't find a sim fitting for pictures. The only real difference is that I used my now OOC skin, the Slink add-ons, different (same colored) eyes, and an outfit for another character of mine. I used the same twisted, flexi bun style. I still used the one pair of sculpted elf ears I have. Same sculpted necklace. So, yes, it looks more like that elf of mine has grown a little bit instead of changing completely. (Curious of what look I mean, click here.)
    And as I look through blogs and Flickr, I see other avatars 'growing up'. Mesh heads, at least the Slink Visage one, give various avatars an older, more 'proper' appearance instead of a rounder face. If you follow this link, it'll actually take you to a side by side comparison; same everything minus the head. If you look through really anyone's SL Flickr not only can you see the change in their photography skills, but also the maturing of their avatar. For example, this is one of my older photos (can't post it up since, sadly, it's on my older hardrive/a flash drive, so would take some digging), and this is newer. Differences? Quite a bit. And you can find other things like that by being bored or curious and nosing through people's Flickrs.
    So they grow up, not as we do, but in their own way. As newer things come out or we feel a need for an updated look, they grow. Actually the need for an updated look may have something to do with most people not wanting to stay stagnant and the same all the time. We change without even thinking about it, without putting any effort into it, but our avatars need a little push. They have to changed with prior thought on it, with energy expended on finding what you what, or just stumbling upon it. While humans as a whole are weird, most liking but loathing change at the same time, change is still something we need, even virtual change. Maybe you keep your avatar the same minus changing to mesh hair and clothes or whatever, but, perhaps, if you have a skybox or something, you change that around every now and again. Adding something, taking away something else. It's not the same, of course, but it's close.
    I think that adding the concept of growing up to our avatars breathes a bit more life into them. You can think of the pixels as 'just' changing when you change them, but growing up seems to be a correct term to me somehow. I'm not sure if I'm expressing myself right with this, and I know it's only in a more rhetorical sense, but I'm hoping at least someone reading this understands what I mean and might be able to phrase it better. Perhaps after I get some sleep I'll take another crack at it, but pictures speak a thousand words and I think pictures is the best way to show this. So go look at someone's Flickr, you'll see what I mean.


Sunday, April 6, 2014

The Time was Then

         If they knew what they would leave us, where they would leave us, would our ancestors have made the same choices? 
If they knew we'd be forever trapped behind indestructible bars, would they leave us out to die?


 If they knew what we know now, would they have thought of the now and not the future?
If they could see with our eyes, what would have become of us? Would our future be so bleak?
Did they imagine things would be better by clogging us with their ideas? 
Did they think we would be joyful when our world crumbled in our hands?


How could we free ourselves when the keys were long destroyed?
How could we speak and hope and dream when bars are all we know?
How could things change when we see nothing but our bars?


They kept saying we were their future.
They kept saying we would change things.
They kept denying the now had to be changed.
They passed it onto us.
Years and years and generations and generations; none thought.
Now we are all but prisoners in our minds and hearts and freedoms.
Now we are unable to enact change.
Now we cannot save ourselves for the choices of our ancestors.

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Changes

    So, I'm sitting here, not having gone to my one class of the day since my stomach still feels funny from last night, but not as bad at least. But I am still being productive, in a way, in other ways I'm procrastinating and moping a bit. I don't like change so much when I'm just dropped into it. It's like how you have to let fish get 'adjusted' to the water before letting them out of the bag into the tank; I have to adjust to things slowly otherwise it causes me to stress a bit. And come August I'm being dropped into a new tank, so to speak.
    Yesterday I got the accepted student guide for the college I'm moving to come the end of the summer and...maybe that's why my stomach is flipping? I don't know. I just know the thought makes me all...nervous. I'll be living in a dorm, obviously with another person, and in a..women's college aka all women, no guys, in one small school. Fun, right? I mean, I like small schools because otherwise I'd hide in my room 24/7, but...it's still a change. I know I'm going to have to work certain schedules out so I can still manage SL and jsut keep a little bit of my current daily life. I also don't want to lose contact with certain people, and even thinking of this is already having me tear up. I'm bad with certain things and talking to people directly on some things...maybe that's why I'm typing stuff here instead of poking anyone by email or IM. I'll do it. Sooner or later. And probably have wet eyes then, too.
    Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be going, and the financial aid is fucking fantastic (though loans suck since they need repayment sooner or later), not to mention the scholarship the school offers (I kind of forgot to actually apply for any...) but still. Classes and the work-study I'm in (only 7.5 hours a week, thankfully) and not to mention being in a dorm will...I know change some things. But I'm working on stuff so I can cling to a little bit of normality instead of having all the things gone in one fell swoop. Email is going to be my best friend for certain when it comes to some people I've met virtually, and texting and calls when it comes to my RL people who I'm leaving behind.
    What am I trying to say? Well, I don't want to fill out some online stuff I should be filling out (pretty sure one is a questionnaire to help match up roommates) because it makes me nervous, makes this all more real. I know it'l be okay and I have to adjust, as with other big changes I was dropped into, but...I want to keep something at least. In this case the most simple thing to keep will probably be SL and roleplay, if to a semi-lesser extent. Yea, I know, I should be talking to one or two people directly maybe, but...that makes me more nervous than anything else since, while they might not get all emotional, I know I will. Like now.
    And, yes, I know person I should maybe talk to is probably going to read this at one or another point, but, still...talking will have me say a whole lot more and I will likely end up crying. Thank god for the fact this stuff is hidden behind laptops right? Pfft...yea..I'll get to it...one day...maybe near the end of the summer... Soon. Ish. Once I build up my courage.
    But now I'm rambling and really should just hush. So, hushing here and....just...yea...