Saturday, May 24, 2014


    I'm going to try and make this as non-ranty as possible, but I'm just at the done level.
    This is something that doesn't often happen to me, even when i was new and wandering the 'newbie' places did it only happen once: people making me uncomfortable. Now, I'm generally polite unless you really piss me off, and that is a hard thing to do. I have a high tolerance level, really, but certain things just have me be just...done. People rarely pay me any mind, and I like that, that's what makes it not so awkward for me to go exploring sims...but then there are the times people notice me. Back in October, I was taking some pics Halloween related and some guy ended up showing up on the sim I was on, no where near me and we were the only two there. He ended up IMing me. It went downhill fast, and I had tried being nice and polite at first until it went downhill and I just shut up.
    Might I mention random people IMing me has me be a bit wary, too, because I am just a careful person. I have had a few nice random IMs always just a short thing, most recently someone on a RP sim I was on making a comment how my char's look gave off a Margaery from Game of Thrones vibe, but others not. And the not is what has me be done. Twice within a short span of time has the not happened. Most recently tonight. I was innocently wandering around a very pretty beach sim, Baja Norte, and I passed by people since it was rather busy while looking for a place to take a pic. Some guy IMed me, and I didn't feel like answering atm, so I kept walking. I paused at a place, guy clicked to sit on something near me, sent a friend request while I was continuing on my way, I stopped someplace else, guy followed up. So instead of being a complete bitch, I replied with a hello and a 'I'm good' when asked how I was. He asked what country I'm from, and I knew where this was going, but I gave a short answer, period and all hoping he'd get the point. He only went on to ask my age. So, politely mind you, saying goodbye and telling him in as nice a way as possible that I wasn't going to share my age with a god damn stranger who was following me, I wandered off. Maybe telling him I was looking to take pics had him leave me be? Don't know. But, see, all of that is not what made me be done with all things, it's what came after: 'ok' pause 'baby'.
    No. Just no. I was tempted to tell him to not call me that in a not so nice way, but instead I just Xed out the chat box and continued on my way. Didn't feel like dealing with it.
    Now, maybe I wouldn't be so over this stuff if it wasn't for the fact some guy not too long ago IMed me, and his IM had me check my groups and if he was onsim cause I felt that uncomfortable, basically soliciting me for sex and suggesting I was in a group made for that, which I sure as hell am not. And I don't want to look through my laptop for it, but I'm pretty 'sinister smile' was in his IM. I just straight up ignored that, and he didn't carry on thankfully. The only thing that had me not feel but so uncomfortable, was that I immediately told a friend what just happened. Telling someone I trust made me feel a bit better and like I could hide behind him for a shield if need be...though I know it doesn't quite work like that in SL, the feeling was still there.
    But basically what all this means is that I now have a personalized autoresponse. I have had my autoresponse on sometimes when I'm not exactly at my keyboard, and then I forget to turn it off, but I've never changed it from the default. I always see my IMs, no matter what I'm doing, I see that blinking orange bubble. Might not respond straightaway, but I see it...unless I fell asleep or am actually afk doing something. Basically, yea, it's preemptively saying to people who might want more than just being nice, that I'm going to ignore you. Yep. Thankfully, it's so rare that someone not my friend IMs me, that I don't really have to worry about it, but I prefer something of protection from idiots. I don't like having on an autoresponse, because I am an open person, as told by this blog probably, but I feel a need to sadly.
    There are a ton of nice people in SL, but then there are those who need to be told where to shove it. I just don't feel like wasting energy telling them where that is. I'm an open person, but I don't like people asking me things that are a bit too much when I don't know who you are, I don't know what you want, etc. I also don't like people asking me if I want to cyber them, even if with only text. And I have two reasons for that A) random person, not doing you, even if only virtually and B) if I'm going to do anything the like, there's only one person I'm comfortable enough to do anything even close to the like with, and that's even only done when it's fitting to a scene and such, not 'just because'. Yea, my comfort level has to be pretty high for any intimate typing of any sort, erotic scenes aside even. Okay, so maybe that's technically three reasons, but still.
    Unfortunately with SL being rather anonymous, unless you choose for it to not be, people can be more forward or awkward or creepy or whatever you want to call it. Of course there are those sorts in RL, but it's harder to come across, at least in my experience. And, too, this all kind of reminds me, yet again, of another post I had read a bit back; if you're curious, click here.
    Now, thankfully, I've not had anything like that happen (thank you security orb and the fact I don't think any ballooners are around *double checks*) but the fact that I can relate to a few points. With the recent...interaction...I felt like tping off the sim, even though I had as much right to be there are this random guy. Even with the guy who IMed me and only mentioned a similar group (which far as I can tell was only an art group that we shared in common) I felt a need to check radar and be sure he was no where near; if he was near, I may have felt like fleeing...except again I would've let that thought go because I had a friend there. And then as well with my own being polite, when, if it was a friend of mine and I had the ability, I would've told the person to go away in a very unnice way. I was even polite to the one that I flat out ignored, since it was ignore or tell him to go jerk off to something else, again in a very unnice way. If any of the people had been explicitly rude, I would've gone off more than likely, but they weren't...not exactly at least.
    As the post I linked points out, even, girls are kind of taught to be nice and polite in all situations. I hate how I actually realize I fall into that category, but only when it comes to myself. I'm more prepared to step up for someone else than I am for myself, if it's myself I'll just take it unless someone is just outright rude and nasty. Women are taught, not directly so, to be this way more often than not because of social norms. And social norms suck because they are hard to break from once you've been trained to it. It's not on purpose, of course not, but it does happen. We're conditioned in such a way that we think we 'have' to be the polite person, and turn someone down nicely, even if we want to push them off a cliff. Enough women are not in the lines of this norm, but they tend to be considered 'different' and 'odd' as unfortunate as it is. And I only use different and odd as nice euphemisms for what someone would call a woman who might not be so nice to someone who is giving unwanted attention.
    This norm translates into both lives, which is almost worse in SL, because, short of muting someone, you can't exactly get away from them talking to you. And that leads to more of a feeling of uncomfortableness or vulnerability or whatever depending on the situation. It's not an easy thing, for me, to admit, but it's true. I just hope that it'll change a bit as time goes on, and that people will stop looking past subtle 'go away' signals.


  1. Told you your blog hates me :P
    'Your HTML cannot be accepted: Must be at most 4,096 characters'

    I -love- the autoresponse functions even if I sometimes forget to change them (think I never really turn them off, only change them to the situation at hand, in theory, I have a NC with some of them so I only have to copypaste whenever I do think of changing them appropriately). You know you have two different versions, you can configure one for everyone and one for not-friends? The only catchback there is if you´re a rp sim grouplead or admin, your fl can become so long for practical reasons that you have to send the same message to friend and foe alike if ;) but the people I really 'talk' to know I´ll reply when I can and some people start to type and then give up when seeing the autoresponse and usually, unless it´s someone brand new, who might be intimidated by it and not dare to type then (which is not the purpose, it´s only to tell them I might respond now or maybe just in 2 hours or the next day, if they type just before I´m logging) I ignore them then, cause if they don´t type 'to leave a message' I assume it wasn´t important. Anyway, hope your autoresponse while you don´t like it, will help you there. Actually, it would be good to have a 'soft' and a 'hard' block in SL, you see I read the linked post too :P the soft block like the one we have now, the muting of people, and there should be a hard block for such cases as happened to you with the guy following around, which would hide the name from your radar, cause of course you have the same right to be there than that person and shouldn´t have to think of leaving if you don´t want to - that´s a definite plus you can have in sl, since no avatar can really 'harm' you like rl and so you should be able to 'enjoy' that advantage, virtually 'being able to wander around at midnight in lonely places as a woman dressed however you want' without being approached in an unwanted way and without people saying 'how can she, women shouldn´t walk around alone/at night/in a short skirt' etc. I wanted to add that the avatar should be blended out by a 'hard block' too, but sadly the thought hit me that that of course was no good idea, taking the pic above that guy could sit on the bench next to you in whatever way coming to him with you not seeing it but everyone else...weird thing that, of course it´s only pixels and one could say 'so what', if I can´t see him and read from him, why should I care, but as we´re all attached to our avatars (or most at least I guess) even the thought that it could be that way is upsetting lol that leads me to the thought that when you register for SL you have to agree to the TOS and so LL basically could (probably won´t as long as they make money with it, but could) end your avatar´s life anytime if they see fit, go bancrupt, whatever.

    1. It doesn't hate you, it jsut disagrees with your typing length :P
      I think I remember you mentioning before having such a NC, thing is, that wouldn't work for me cause I'd forget, so I cover both RP sims and wandering in my new response :P And..yea..I know it existed, I jsut forgot about'm gonna go change that right now lol And, yea, see, when I was healer lead, I did have quite a few of the healers on my fl..but..well...I think most the sim doesn't realize I'm a lead, so I get lucky and can have a small list, it seems...even though half not realizing is a bad thing, but that's besides the point of this atm :P But as you are admin, yea, does make sense you'd have a long list of people, and what you point out is true, which is why I more or less ignore your autorepsonse I fear <.< >.> And, yea, see, that's what I'm worried about. Like I said, I have no problem talking to people since I don't mind talking to people so long as they are nice and stuff, don't' want to scare them off with having an autoresponse, which is why I don't like having it on personally. If more people contacted me'group lead' stuff, -then- I would probably want more of an autoresponse, but that's not really the case.
      Anyway, yea, I hope it'll help, too, since maybe then it'll scare those random people who I'll end up ignoring anyway off right away. At the very least it'll give me even more reason to not respond. And yes,I do see you did, though somehow you having done so doesn't surprise me in the least lol And, yea, being able to do that wouldn't be bad, exactly, except that...well..still might not have a person leave someone be, but else not a bad idea exactly; maybe better if hides your name form -that- person's radar or so? and, yes, too, that since sl is virtual, there's a real limit as to what others can do to you, besides make you feel uncomfortable.
      As you say, too, would be weird for that other avi to be blended out and others still able to see if he were to be..weird or however and stuff... And, of course it's only pixels but, like you say, people tend to be attached to their bunch of pixels, and not to mention it is the mutter of real people behind teh screen, so that has there be real feelings and all that good stuff. While there are people who probably it would be better if their avis 'life' was cut short as it were, a bit of a weird thought that LL could kill your avi whenever they want...

  2. which is a very uncomfortable thought and I prefer to not think it :grins: on another note, you get things of that kind as a guy too, IMs with straightforward advances, people landing on you and poofing then or IMing to explain they 'hit the wrong button' :P what lies next to 'TP to'? profile or cam I think lol yea, but I guess it´s more creepy as a woman and probably men don´t have as many problems to brush it off right away if they aren´t interested. but I'm glad in spite of all social norms and conditioning you have no problems to not tell any random stranger you age and stuff, if you don´t want to. On the other hand I think it´s hard to blame people for that kind of behaviour, as there are many, you´re not as much used to it if you mainly hang around on 'moderate' rp-sims I guess, but there are many who are there 'only' to socialise, chat and cyber, and for some people it´s probably ok to 'take up contact' lol like that and I´d say sl, in parts, is for that. -but- of course everyone should respect the soft 'no's and leave be then and look for someone who´ll be glad to be talked to, followed around and more - an idea there: maybe instead of a reply just send them a LM to one of the 'Dead End'-style sims, where they can find people who want to be followed around and be creeped out? :P another idea too, but that later in IM.

    1. Of course it happens to both sorts of people, but..yea..I think it might be easier a bit for guys to just...not deal with it. And, oh, no that kind of thing doesn't fit into the norms far as i know, that's where it's easier to put up a fence and be like 'no', since i think the only revealing so much is a usual over all norm. And, yes, true, too, that there are enough people who are around for that, and the socialize and chat is no problem, so log as you don't get too personal right away, but..yea..third thing, that's why I try to stay away form anyplace that might, hm, encourage that lol But, yea, the softer no's, if taken up right away, would be much more efficient, but sadly people over look it, more often than not I think. a bad idea that, might have to get a LM for that just for that purpose :P
      Oh, and you can bet that I'll poke you later for that other idea is lol

  3. it occured to me that I forgot 'shop' on the list of things people are there for lol

    1. Shop, of course, how could you forget shop lol And decorate, since decorating places can be very addictive (still trying to figure out how to make certain things fit in style and in prim that I have in my inventory in my apartment :P).