I know, another post, but I already said that I'm all thinking today. This is going to be so far from SL-related probably, but I...I don't know. Maybe it's something new that'll be an addition to this blog; non-sl stuff. I don't really talk to people and writing some things down that I don't care if others see or not is..I don't know. I'm more of a writer than a speaker, more of a listener than one who needs someone to listen.
I finished the application for a college I desperately want to get into today. I won't know anything until January, but I have it finished. It's finished and... I hardly ever stress but I'm stressing over not getting in. It's like...this will be one more step into my future that I hope will be bright.
And now I'm distracted because I've got Pirates of the Caribbean on TV and the multiple Jacks scene... God, I'm such a..I don't know, strange one?
Uff, okay, right. College admission... I've never been top of my class, that has been my friends. In high school and onward, and this college is more private than open so... I don't know. I'm stressing for some reason and I can't help it. Stress is part of life, right? But I never, ever stress...unless it's about upsetting someone I care about. But otherwise? Nope, I am so stress-free it isn't funny. But soon as I start to stress, i get all panicky and anxious and...pfft...
Maybe that's why I torture Malla so much. She gets all the stress I don't get so that I can work it out preemptively.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
How real is it?
I feel thoughtful today. I don't know why, just am and my thoughts have meandered to what is SL really? People put in their profiles all the time that SL and RL are two separate entities, and others put that SL is ingrained into their RL. So, which is right? Is one right and the other wrong? I guess it really depends how you present yourself in this virtual world. Is your pixel self you reflected? Or are the pixels just that, pixels? Are you honest to people you consider friends? Or is it all an act? How much do you divulge?
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
Personally I think that, unless every last thing you type is a lie, you cannot completely separate yourself from your pixels. Feelings are real, even if the medium used for them is virtual. The friends you make can be as real and lasting as well as just as backstabby. Sure, SL time seems to move so differently than RL somehow, but it still is real.
Do your pixels look like you? If yes, how much? Is this avatar your fantasy? Why do you have him/her look like they do?
Then there's roleplay. Where are your lines? How bold are your lines? How bold are the lines other people draw? The person your character is married to, do both of you only play the love or is some of it real? Is that IC/OOC border more vague for you than the other? Vice versa? Where does the role start and end? Do you wish that you could truly have a relationship with the person, SL-wise or RL-wise, instead of just roleplaying one? Is there truth to what you play on your own and with others?
So many questions to ask and think on when it comes to SL and how involved you are in it. So much is just...just...confusing if you think deeply. And what makes it all the worse is how some people don't want to admit some things to themselves that, if asked any of these questions, all the answers may be lies that they think truth.
All of these questions? I don't know all of what my answers would be. It's freezing out, I have snugly pajamas and blanket...think I'm going to spend time on pondering them for myself.
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| Is it the dream we hold firmly onto come morning? |
Friday, November 1, 2013
Happy Halloween!
I'd like to begin this by asking: why, SL, why? *sobs in corner*
No matter what I did, for the past three days I could never get the bottom half of the system-layer bits of my SL costume to load. It was either I had on pants/alpha form the last outfit I had on, only on the lower-half mind you, or my legs were all gray or my boot alpha wouldn't work or it was all fuzzy texture. Now, it might be I was wearing too much on my lower half, since other outfits worked just fine, and this one had two pants layer plus socks on (for the bloody bits) but...I don't' know. I just gave up after a certain point and decided to just go with the fuzzy textures, since that was better than my other options.
Okay, now, onto the nice part of this post :P Halloween (my favorite holiday, btw) was yesterday and, if I hadn't been arguing with my outfit, I would have had this up then, but better a day late than never, right? So here is Strawberry Singh's Halloween meme. Please do imagine non-fuzzy textures on blood on said textures and legs.
1) Did you go trick or treating as a child? Yes, I did all the way up to...seventh grade, I think. I loved it so very much especially since after my brother, parents, and I would go home to celebrate my dad's birthday.. Basically my brother and I had to sleep off a sugar rush come the end of the night :P
2) What was the best costume you ever saw or wore yourself? Hm...as for seeing... That has to be when one of my dressed as Slender. This was just the other year, yes, but...well, it was fun. We had gone walking to see if another of our friends wanted to hang out with the group of us that was doing a small Halloween thing...and we had the Slender-dressed friend stand on random corners as people drove by. A lot of people sped up soon as they saw him...and then, of course, he scared the friend we were going to get. *grins* Mean, I know, but, well...
Maybe it's the memory that makes it the best costume, but still counts in my book :)
3) What is your most vivid memory about Halloween? When I was about four to six, I remember coming to aunt's neighborhood and going to one specific house. We had gone up to get candy and this guy dressed as some freaky-looking-old-thing jumped out and screamed...which essentially had me and my brother running down to our parents, crying. Maybe not the most pleasant memory...but now that I look back on it, it seems silly I was scared...but being little has different rules.
4) What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The Grudge, no doubt. Maybe it's because I was, like, ten when I watched it...but that is the scariest movie I have seen. My brother fell asleep as we were watching it and my mom didn't turn it off because she thought it wouldn't scare me so bad. But it did and...I always had to have something at the foot of my bed, feet tucked under covers and a bunch of other things because I was afraid the grudge would come to get me. Took me about two weeks or so, but I got over it thankfully. I still won't watch the first one or the second one or whatever number and sure as hell wont' watch the Japanese original, but I'm not afraid to get killed by a ghostly mother-thing.
5) Do you ever get nightmares after watching a scary movie? I used to, but now? No. I just scream and bust eardrums during the movie.
6) Are you superstitious? If so, name at least one superstition of yours. Had to think on this one, but I don't think I really have anything that would qualify as a superstition. I don't have a lucky anything or believe breaking a mirror brings bad luck...so, no, actually. And that actually surprises me.
7) What will you be doing this year for Halloween, if anything, in SL and RL? I didn't do anything in SL besides 'grr' and 'argh' over the textures of the lower half of my clothes...well that and RP as per usual. In RL, I passed out candy to the very few children in my neighborhood (and, yes, less children equals more candy for me :P ).
So, happy belated Halloween/Samhain/Thursday to you all and hope all you enjoyed yesterday even if just another Thursday for ya.
Hair: *Alice Project* Delirium - Bloody Brown (*Was free on the 27th, up to 50L now*)
Blood: .DN. Blood Spatter (*Available in multiple layers, tattoo and clothing*)
Outfit: ::Envious:: PurpleHills Dress
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. GG June Nahla Milk
Eyes: [Taffy] Chapel - Hazel (*free on MP*)
Lipstick: R.icielli - Lipstick DOLL / 04 (*free on MP*)
Tears: 3-tears-Mascara
Eye Shadow: **NOYA** Face Make Up Tribal Small
Choker: "Captured Heart" barbed wire choker (*free on MP*)
Pose/Prop: SN ~ Mass Hysteria (*for Mass Hysteria hunt, ended 31st*)
No matter what I did, for the past three days I could never get the bottom half of the system-layer bits of my SL costume to load. It was either I had on pants/alpha form the last outfit I had on, only on the lower-half mind you, or my legs were all gray or my boot alpha wouldn't work or it was all fuzzy texture. Now, it might be I was wearing too much on my lower half, since other outfits worked just fine, and this one had two pants layer plus socks on (for the bloody bits) but...I don't' know. I just gave up after a certain point and decided to just go with the fuzzy textures, since that was better than my other options.
Okay, now, onto the nice part of this post :P Halloween (my favorite holiday, btw) was yesterday and, if I hadn't been arguing with my outfit, I would have had this up then, but better a day late than never, right? So here is Strawberry Singh's Halloween meme. Please do imagine non-fuzzy textures on blood on said textures and legs.
 |
| Still not entirely sure if my blood or not. Was a messy event :P |
 |
| Had to add a closeup of the hair, too lovely to not. |
2) What was the best costume you ever saw or wore yourself? Hm...as for seeing... That has to be when one of my dressed as Slender. This was just the other year, yes, but...well, it was fun. We had gone walking to see if another of our friends wanted to hang out with the group of us that was doing a small Halloween thing...and we had the Slender-dressed friend stand on random corners as people drove by. A lot of people sped up soon as they saw him...and then, of course, he scared the friend we were going to get. *grins* Mean, I know, but, well...
Maybe it's the memory that makes it the best costume, but still counts in my book :)
3) What is your most vivid memory about Halloween? When I was about four to six, I remember coming to aunt's neighborhood and going to one specific house. We had gone up to get candy and this guy dressed as some freaky-looking-old-thing jumped out and screamed...which essentially had me and my brother running down to our parents, crying. Maybe not the most pleasant memory...but now that I look back on it, it seems silly I was scared...but being little has different rules.
4) What is the scariest movie you have ever seen? The Grudge, no doubt. Maybe it's because I was, like, ten when I watched it...but that is the scariest movie I have seen. My brother fell asleep as we were watching it and my mom didn't turn it off because she thought it wouldn't scare me so bad. But it did and...I always had to have something at the foot of my bed, feet tucked under covers and a bunch of other things because I was afraid the grudge would come to get me. Took me about two weeks or so, but I got over it thankfully. I still won't watch the first one or the second one or whatever number and sure as hell wont' watch the Japanese original, but I'm not afraid to get killed by a ghostly mother-thing.
5) Do you ever get nightmares after watching a scary movie? I used to, but now? No. I just scream and bust eardrums during the movie.
6) Are you superstitious? If so, name at least one superstition of yours. Had to think on this one, but I don't think I really have anything that would qualify as a superstition. I don't have a lucky anything or believe breaking a mirror brings bad luck...so, no, actually. And that actually surprises me.
7) What will you be doing this year for Halloween, if anything, in SL and RL? I didn't do anything in SL besides 'grr' and 'argh' over the textures of the lower half of my clothes...well that and RP as per usual. In RL, I passed out candy to the very few children in my neighborhood (and, yes, less children equals more candy for me :P ).
So, happy belated Halloween/Samhain/Thursday to you all and hope all you enjoyed yesterday even if just another Thursday for ya.
Hair: *Alice Project* Delirium - Bloody Brown (*Was free on the 27th, up to 50L now*)
Blood: .DN. Blood Spatter (*Available in multiple layers, tattoo and clothing*)
Outfit: ::Envious:: PurpleHills Dress
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. GG June Nahla Milk
Eyes: [Taffy] Chapel - Hazel (*free on MP*)
Lipstick: R.icielli - Lipstick DOLL / 04 (*free on MP*)
Tears: 3-tears-Mascara
Eye Shadow: **NOYA** Face Make Up Tribal Small
Choker: "Captured Heart" barbed wire choker (*free on MP*)
Pose/Prop: SN ~ Mass Hysteria (*for Mass Hysteria hunt, ended 31st*)
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Really Don't Understand Some People
So often people can act like they know everything and treat everything as a power game. It is rather upsetting, especially when the ones who end up pulled into those games are either yourself or someone you care for. When people act as if they know everything, generally their way of talking (or typing in SL's case) is very uppity and obnoxious. Some people may actually think these people funny when they are, in fact, insulting them and trying to hide it as a 'joke'. Personally, I'm not sure who of the two I would want to hit over the head with a shovel more. Some people are just so pretentious it isn't funny. Then these people get all pissy if you say 'okay, you need to stop being an ass' or something in nicer terms. Not to mention if you dare suggest they are wrong. They always, always, always must be right. If they are proven wrong, they storm off, only to come back later and have it all happen again. As for friends? They're only friends with people who think exactly how they do and agree all. the. time. I don't get it. I like it when friends don't always agree with my thoughts and ideas, it proves they can think! Do they just want 'friends' who don't think for themselves? Probably, sadly.
Then there are the ones who play for power. This may not be as often in the whole of SL as much as roleplay places, I cannot say for sure, but the latter place has it too often. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry when i see these people trying to work their way into some 'power' position or make 'powerful' friends. It is honestly sickening. As I said, I'm mainly going off of how roleplay places can be. Thankfully I'm more in the background as well as a woman in both avatar and RL. It seems most often it is women-avis going after more incharge men-avis, but that is not to say men-avis are entirely free of going after higher up women-avis; that just seems to be less often. But the ones who go after these people...they will ignore all others around possibly, do something dramatic to gain attention, bother someone in IM when it should be clear they are thinking 'fuck off'. I...I don't know how some people handle these people peacefully. Without even thinking, I know I would be likely to just straight up tell them to go put something somewhere, but others? Others somehow manage to just deal with it and vent to someone about someone else's stupidity.
I really don't know how people think that being so clingy and obvious is the way to get you friends (or more) with someone in 'power'. Do they honestly think they'll manage to get status by acting like they do? Why not just have fun? Roleplay is for fun, not power. And if this does actually happen elsewhere than just roleplay sims...that's...just all the more sad. I cannot quiet explain how it is more sad, since words fail me now, but it is.
Why this rant? I'm logged in and watching OOC (out-of-character) chat for the roleplay sim I'm in. I want to beat people with shovels, but, instead, I'm blogging. Isn't that nice of me to bother any readers instead of going shovel crazy? :P
But, out of curiosity, whoever is here reading this, do you have any insight to this? If you do, please dear gods share, because I just have no clue what goes through either of the type of people's minds and I would just love to understand.
Then there are the ones who play for power. This may not be as often in the whole of SL as much as roleplay places, I cannot say for sure, but the latter place has it too often. I'm not sure if I want to laugh or cry when i see these people trying to work their way into some 'power' position or make 'powerful' friends. It is honestly sickening. As I said, I'm mainly going off of how roleplay places can be. Thankfully I'm more in the background as well as a woman in both avatar and RL. It seems most often it is women-avis going after more incharge men-avis, but that is not to say men-avis are entirely free of going after higher up women-avis; that just seems to be less often. But the ones who go after these people...they will ignore all others around possibly, do something dramatic to gain attention, bother someone in IM when it should be clear they are thinking 'fuck off'. I...I don't know how some people handle these people peacefully. Without even thinking, I know I would be likely to just straight up tell them to go put something somewhere, but others? Others somehow manage to just deal with it and vent to someone about someone else's stupidity.
I really don't know how people think that being so clingy and obvious is the way to get you friends (or more) with someone in 'power'. Do they honestly think they'll manage to get status by acting like they do? Why not just have fun? Roleplay is for fun, not power. And if this does actually happen elsewhere than just roleplay sims...that's...just all the more sad. I cannot quiet explain how it is more sad, since words fail me now, but it is.
Why this rant? I'm logged in and watching OOC (out-of-character) chat for the roleplay sim I'm in. I want to beat people with shovels, but, instead, I'm blogging. Isn't that nice of me to bother any readers instead of going shovel crazy? :P
But, out of curiosity, whoever is here reading this, do you have any insight to this? If you do, please dear gods share, because I just have no clue what goes through either of the type of people's minds and I would just love to understand.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Dysfunctionality
I finally got an idea! I've been sitting here, looking tot he topics for the Writer's Block Chapter Five thinking that there's an idea somewhere...just...where? And then it hit me; an idea for the dysfunctionality prompt. I don't know how, it just did. It hit me, so here it is. Enjoy :)
Dysfunctional.
How can one label a person or thing dysfunctional?
If it works, it is functioning.
They call us dysfunctional.
They claim I should leave him.
But we love one another and we always find our way back to each other, how is that wrong?
He's broken my heart.
I've broken his.
He's been hurt so many times by others.
I've been hurt so many times by others.
When the world is broken, who is whole?
We fit, if barely.
A puzzle that does not quite seem right.
That is labeled.
Dysfunctional.
If everything is not perfect, it is
dysfunctional.
But what is perfect?
He hurts me with his wild claims.
I hurt him by my mistakes.
But he makes me feel whole again.
I help ease his pain, help him see the light through the fog.
Dysfunctional.
I'm sane,
or used to be,
how can that label apply?
Broken?
Since a while.
Dysfunctional?
I say no.
The world says yes.
All the world is is dysfuntionality.
How can one label a person or thing dysfunctional?
If it works, it is functioning.
They call us dysfunctional.
They claim I should leave him.
But we love one another and we always find our way back to each other, how is that wrong?
He's broken my heart.
I've broken his.
He's been hurt so many times by others.
I've been hurt so many times by others.
When the world is broken, who is whole?
We fit, if barely.
A puzzle that does not quite seem right.
That is labeled.
Dysfunctional.
If everything is not perfect, it is
dysfunctional.
But what is perfect?
He hurts me with his wild claims.
I hurt him by my mistakes.
But he makes me feel whole again.
I help ease his pain, help him see the light through the fog.
Dysfunctional.
I'm sane,
or used to be,
how can that label apply?
Broken?
Since a while.
Dysfunctional?
I say no.
The world says yes.
All the world is is dysfuntionality.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Heartbroken
It was a day like any other with the early morning sun streaming into the tent. Joan liked to call it our 'shack', even though it was only this water-resistant cloth we had found and decided to carry around with us. I never did understand some of her jokes and wording for things. I suppose it was just one of those things I was beyond understanding because of what I was, what I am. On that day, when I left the tent and didn't see Joan sitting at our small fire, I felt a pin of panic in my heart. She had this habit of wandering off on her own, so I was used to it. But why today, of all days, would I be so worried?
Sparse dead trees surrounded me. Dead grass and dry dirt rested under my boots. Not too far off I could see a city; ruined buildings covered with various plant life, dead or otherwise. But no Joan. The world had become too dangerous for either of us to wander off on our own. I had told her this plenty of times. I went back inside quickly to grab my large knife and throwing cards: four aces I had been gifted with along with an actual deck of playing cards. If someone had decided to take her or bite her or...who knew what else, I swore that I would kill them slowly. Running back outside, I looked around again to decide where to start looking.
And there was Joan, sitting innocently near our dead fire, fixing her bow.
"Joan!," I shouted, marching over to her. She looked up to me, smiling even though my face was likely stormy. Strange how only some months ago my face never would have been anywhere near stormy nor would I have ever felt so concerned over...anyone. I also never would have wanted to hit someone...let alone kiss.
"Aw, come on. I was just looking for some breakfast, wanted to surprise you." She set her bow down and stood, crossing the last few steps to me. I'm about three inches shorter than her and very much her opposite. Where her build was athletic, I am simply thin. Her voice held so much more emotion than I could possibly fathom, while mine has only the bare minimum; close to being monotone. I am paler than most humans, with only some tint to what used to be paper white skin. Joan...she had dark, colored skin nearly as smooth as mine. And that was surprising, since she was human and most humans did not have smooth skin. Her medium length black hair was tied back in a ponytail that day and my long, red hair was loosely hanging down my back. Her eyes were what I loved the most about her physical aspects. They were like emeralds in her dark face. Her eyes put my pale gray ones to shame.
The deep green of her eyes had enraptured me once more, so much so I hardly noticed her arms wrapping around me. "I didn't mean to worry you, Lena," she said, her voice comforting. The name of 'Lena' still sounded strange when applied to me. I used to be simply a number, and now I am always Lena.
And Joan loved me even knowing the shell I used to be.
I lifted myself up the few inches to kiss her lovingly, having dropped my knife and cards to the ground next to my feet. Time seemed to belong to only us and it seemed as if the world had not been destroyed by those I used to belong with. I do not belong with humans or those I was made with, but I did and do belong with Joan and she with me.
After much too short a time, she pulled away and went back to fixing her bow. "I was thinking we should see about finding something not mutated today," she said once she was sitting.
"Since when are there non-mutated creatures? The closest we may find is...I am not sure," I shrugged a shoulder and took my weapons back up, sliding the cards and knife into their sheaths on my belt, before sitting next to her.
"I saw a squirrel. Small, no spikes."
"I do not believe you."
"Honest! I saw one," she insisted, setting her fixed bow aside as a competitive look came to her eyes. "Tell you what, let's have a little bet. If one of us finds a non-mutated animal, I win. We don't, you do."
I grinned at her and poked her arm. "What do I receive when I win?"
"Hm...well, I know what I want when I win." She gave me a quick kiss, grabbed her bow, then dashed off. At least this time I knew which direction she went and that she had left, so I was not as worried. I went the opposite way of her and climbed up into one of the trees that had a few more leaves than the others. And waited.
It didn't take long before I heard a familiar choking and gargling sound, every now and again interrupted with groans or moans. With knife in had, my gaze flicked around near the base of 'my' tree. I knew this was not one of those that spoke. it was one of those that was fast once it caught sight or scent of its prey. Joan and I had found one, after we bludgeoned it to near death, that spoke. It died, but I cannot say I am sorry. It was probably just part of the experiment those that used to be my people had managed to do better on. That is how this whole world came to be; They decided every single person should be like Them.
The Walking came into my field of vision, limping along on his lonesome. I would have used one of my throwing cards, but that likely would not have gotten through to the brain. So I threw my knife inside. It stuck right into the back of his head, blackened blood seeping out around the knife as he thudded tot he ground.
I jumped from the tree, landing lightly on my feet, and quickly went to pull my knife from his head. They never travel alone. There is always at least two, if not a whole pack. I had to go warn Joan so we could pack up and move on. If we did not...there was no telling what would come next.
But that was when I heard a shrill cry that made my blood run cold.
That had my heart stop for a moment.
That announced the end of what I cared of.
"Lena!"
I took of as quickly as my feet would carry me, heading right towards where I heard Joan's scream. Did more of the Dead find her? Did They find her? I did not know, but I was going to find out and make whoever it was pay for hurting her, for making her scream like that.
When I made it to our camp, the first thing I saw was a normal gray squirrel near the now lighted fire. Then I saw Joan, being held firmly by two of Them. One was male, the other female. Other than their gender, they were completely alike: pure white hair, paper white skin, and emotionless pale, gray eyes. I looked nothing like them except for my eyes and shape. Everything had been changed since my Execution.
"Mother was right. We found her," the male said in his voice that was entirely devoid of any emotion.
The female nodded. "Yes. Now," she looked to me, "Come with us to home. We will not harm this one."
I did not believe them. For some reason they had swords, not needles filled with sedative or poison. We...They never used weapons like swords. While they waited for my reply, Joan managed to struggle from their grasp, moving over to me quickly.
The look on my face must have been complete fear, for she put her hands gently on my cheeks only for a second before turning to the two.
Then there was a sword protruding form her back, nearly skewering me with her.
I am not sure what happened after that. I remember red blood. I remember black blood. I remember nearly black blood, which must have been mine. There was no pain, but that was only because I could not feel pain. I was not fully human nor fully Them. When things came back into focus for me, I was holding Joan to me. Her skin seemed paler somehow. But her skin was a living color....how could it be paler? She was colder, too. Her once beautiful eyes marred by an emptiness.
I felt...something in my heart. Something I had not been taught to mirror with facial expressions or tone of voice or simply how it felt and what to call it. I felt as if someone had stabbed my heart instead of Joan. I felt as if my heart had been tossed onto the fire when I realized what I had to do next. I was not sure how it managed some people changed after death and not others, but I did not want that to happen to her. I took one of their swords from their cold hands, though their coldness was not different from how they normally were. I used the sword to stab through her head, with tears welling up inside of me. I had never felt this way before; another first emotion Joan had given me. Except I did not want this feeling of complete and utter loneliness. I did not want to feel as if I lost the only thing that mattered to me, that gave me reason to keep trying to better myself. I did not want to feel...so heartbroken. Yes, that was what this emotion was called: heartbroken.
I left the sword next to her and turned towards where I knew They were. I could not bury her as we had no shovel. I could not lay down beside her to die. I had to stop Them from what they were doing. Or warn people. That was what we were working on. We wanted to warn others that these...monsters were taking people to try and make more of Them. That they were making the dead walk. That all of this was Their fault.
I promised I would do that. I would keep that promise. For Joan I would keep my promise and make sure to ruin those I was once part of.
My heart was broken. I didn't care about being careful anymore.
Yes, this is a post for the Writer's Block Chapter Four, click the link to read more about the challenge and other prompts and entire. My own entry this time is taken rather much form a story I'm working on, at least it's set int eh same world. I know, I know, post-apocalyptic is...not so new anymore, but meh! I'm really just too happy that all that stuff in pic, minus my hair and skin and the background which I had to edit in were all from one place! See, this is why doing random things because they seem interesting is good. I just couldn't believe how it all worked out and fit perfectly. Too ecstatic about that. But where it is from is MadPea's hunt for September; Lennon Park Massacre. I mostly went because I stumbled upon their blog, saw something about a camping massacre-thing and...well, I mostly went for pics only, sine the sim is nicely done. But you see how my original plan worked out, don't you?
Anyway, I'll save you form more rambling and just say this: I hope you enjoyed the little short story. :)
Sparse dead trees surrounded me. Dead grass and dry dirt rested under my boots. Not too far off I could see a city; ruined buildings covered with various plant life, dead or otherwise. But no Joan. The world had become too dangerous for either of us to wander off on our own. I had told her this plenty of times. I went back inside quickly to grab my large knife and throwing cards: four aces I had been gifted with along with an actual deck of playing cards. If someone had decided to take her or bite her or...who knew what else, I swore that I would kill them slowly. Running back outside, I looked around again to decide where to start looking.
And there was Joan, sitting innocently near our dead fire, fixing her bow.
"Joan!," I shouted, marching over to her. She looked up to me, smiling even though my face was likely stormy. Strange how only some months ago my face never would have been anywhere near stormy nor would I have ever felt so concerned over...anyone. I also never would have wanted to hit someone...let alone kiss.
"Aw, come on. I was just looking for some breakfast, wanted to surprise you." She set her bow down and stood, crossing the last few steps to me. I'm about three inches shorter than her and very much her opposite. Where her build was athletic, I am simply thin. Her voice held so much more emotion than I could possibly fathom, while mine has only the bare minimum; close to being monotone. I am paler than most humans, with only some tint to what used to be paper white skin. Joan...she had dark, colored skin nearly as smooth as mine. And that was surprising, since she was human and most humans did not have smooth skin. Her medium length black hair was tied back in a ponytail that day and my long, red hair was loosely hanging down my back. Her eyes were what I loved the most about her physical aspects. They were like emeralds in her dark face. Her eyes put my pale gray ones to shame.
The deep green of her eyes had enraptured me once more, so much so I hardly noticed her arms wrapping around me. "I didn't mean to worry you, Lena," she said, her voice comforting. The name of 'Lena' still sounded strange when applied to me. I used to be simply a number, and now I am always Lena.
And Joan loved me even knowing the shell I used to be.
I lifted myself up the few inches to kiss her lovingly, having dropped my knife and cards to the ground next to my feet. Time seemed to belong to only us and it seemed as if the world had not been destroyed by those I used to belong with. I do not belong with humans or those I was made with, but I did and do belong with Joan and she with me.
After much too short a time, she pulled away and went back to fixing her bow. "I was thinking we should see about finding something not mutated today," she said once she was sitting.
"Since when are there non-mutated creatures? The closest we may find is...I am not sure," I shrugged a shoulder and took my weapons back up, sliding the cards and knife into their sheaths on my belt, before sitting next to her.
"I saw a squirrel. Small, no spikes."
"I do not believe you."
"Honest! I saw one," she insisted, setting her fixed bow aside as a competitive look came to her eyes. "Tell you what, let's have a little bet. If one of us finds a non-mutated animal, I win. We don't, you do."
I grinned at her and poked her arm. "What do I receive when I win?"
"Hm...well, I know what I want when I win." She gave me a quick kiss, grabbed her bow, then dashed off. At least this time I knew which direction she went and that she had left, so I was not as worried. I went the opposite way of her and climbed up into one of the trees that had a few more leaves than the others. And waited.
It didn't take long before I heard a familiar choking and gargling sound, every now and again interrupted with groans or moans. With knife in had, my gaze flicked around near the base of 'my' tree. I knew this was not one of those that spoke. it was one of those that was fast once it caught sight or scent of its prey. Joan and I had found one, after we bludgeoned it to near death, that spoke. It died, but I cannot say I am sorry. It was probably just part of the experiment those that used to be my people had managed to do better on. That is how this whole world came to be; They decided every single person should be like Them.
The Walking came into my field of vision, limping along on his lonesome. I would have used one of my throwing cards, but that likely would not have gotten through to the brain. So I threw my knife inside. It stuck right into the back of his head, blackened blood seeping out around the knife as he thudded tot he ground.
I jumped from the tree, landing lightly on my feet, and quickly went to pull my knife from his head. They never travel alone. There is always at least two, if not a whole pack. I had to go warn Joan so we could pack up and move on. If we did not...there was no telling what would come next.
But that was when I heard a shrill cry that made my blood run cold.
That had my heart stop for a moment.
That announced the end of what I cared of.
"Lena!"
I took of as quickly as my feet would carry me, heading right towards where I heard Joan's scream. Did more of the Dead find her? Did They find her? I did not know, but I was going to find out and make whoever it was pay for hurting her, for making her scream like that.
When I made it to our camp, the first thing I saw was a normal gray squirrel near the now lighted fire. Then I saw Joan, being held firmly by two of Them. One was male, the other female. Other than their gender, they were completely alike: pure white hair, paper white skin, and emotionless pale, gray eyes. I looked nothing like them except for my eyes and shape. Everything had been changed since my Execution.
"Mother was right. We found her," the male said in his voice that was entirely devoid of any emotion.
The female nodded. "Yes. Now," she looked to me, "Come with us to home. We will not harm this one."
I did not believe them. For some reason they had swords, not needles filled with sedative or poison. We...They never used weapons like swords. While they waited for my reply, Joan managed to struggle from their grasp, moving over to me quickly.
The look on my face must have been complete fear, for she put her hands gently on my cheeks only for a second before turning to the two.
Then there was a sword protruding form her back, nearly skewering me with her.
I am not sure what happened after that. I remember red blood. I remember black blood. I remember nearly black blood, which must have been mine. There was no pain, but that was only because I could not feel pain. I was not fully human nor fully Them. When things came back into focus for me, I was holding Joan to me. Her skin seemed paler somehow. But her skin was a living color....how could it be paler? She was colder, too. Her once beautiful eyes marred by an emptiness.
I felt...something in my heart. Something I had not been taught to mirror with facial expressions or tone of voice or simply how it felt and what to call it. I felt as if someone had stabbed my heart instead of Joan. I felt as if my heart had been tossed onto the fire when I realized what I had to do next. I was not sure how it managed some people changed after death and not others, but I did not want that to happen to her. I took one of their swords from their cold hands, though their coldness was not different from how they normally were. I used the sword to stab through her head, with tears welling up inside of me. I had never felt this way before; another first emotion Joan had given me. Except I did not want this feeling of complete and utter loneliness. I did not want to feel as if I lost the only thing that mattered to me, that gave me reason to keep trying to better myself. I did not want to feel...so heartbroken. Yes, that was what this emotion was called: heartbroken.
I left the sword next to her and turned towards where I knew They were. I could not bury her as we had no shovel. I could not lay down beside her to die. I had to stop Them from what they were doing. Or warn people. That was what we were working on. We wanted to warn others that these...monsters were taking people to try and make more of Them. That they were making the dead walk. That all of this was Their fault.
I promised I would do that. I would keep that promise. For Joan I would keep my promise and make sure to ruin those I was once part of.
My heart was broken. I didn't care about being careful anymore.
Anyway, I'll save you form more rambling and just say this: I hope you enjoyed the little short story. :)
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Sex in SL
When most people hear the word sex, they think of the physical act. I'll admit that is something that first pops into my head for a moment, but the thought of someone's physical make-up accompanies it. Sex is a person's physical body as well as the act itself, but their gender is entirely mental. While most think the two synonymous, they aren't.
Now what does this have to do with SL?
Everyone's avatar has a virtual sex human, furry, whatever else, they have a sex (and possibly have sex, too). The virtual sex may more correctly reflect their real gender than their physical bodies do. But, think of this for a moment: you are a person who has never felt like you belong in your own skin. You have always acted as the other sex, more than your own. You know why; you are a woman in a man's body or a man in a woman's. You can't afford an expensive surgery to truly show your inner-self, but at least you can dress however you want. Though there is a stigma following you because of how you dress, how you talk, how you love. But you are on SL. In SL, you are a man or a woman; physically and mentally. It helps to ease some of what you go through. It helps you be you.
Now, that is entirely hypothetical, but also in the realm of possibility. Yes, people who have their sex and gender not matching may have severe depression, but maybe there are a few who find a way to keep themselves from falling too low, from maybe committing suicide. Maybe Second Life is something that helps them cope, as there is no stigma or expensive surgery to be saved for. Some in SL are their real sex, others not. Some may be a different sex to create their fantasy, some might do it for fun or a new experience, but what of those who are showing their true selves? Like the situation I gave, some cannot afford the surgery, but with a virtual realm, they can fit in their frame.
We are all unique.
We are all art.
Nothing is wrong with the people, who's genders differ from their sex, finding a way so that the unique piece of art they are can fit into a frame like every other artwork.
I'll admit it, since it's no big secret anyhow, I'm a psychology student who was flipping through her textbook with the topics of the Writer's Block Chapter three on her mind. This is what happens, very much so. But, in anycase, I just had to participate again since...I love the topics Katya comes up with. I also love to peer at the other entries and see the different take son the topics. Granted, I realize mine is probably a bit...far off from what was 'meant' to be written about, but here's to hoping I'm not the only one thinking in this direction!
Anyhow, am already anticipating the next topics and will likely write something up for those, too.
Hair: Magika Give
Blouse: Mesh Head - Off The Shoulder Blouse (Free, HUD to change colors)
Underwear: :Envious: Love Me Lower (Group Gift, SLurl)
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. Nahla Milk (Kollective June gift)
Shoes: SLX Outfit: Long Dress pumps (pumps come with dress, but the dress itself is nice as well and the skirt changes colors with HUD)
Now what does this have to do with SL?
Everyone's avatar has a virtual sex human, furry, whatever else, they have a sex (and possibly have sex, too). The virtual sex may more correctly reflect their real gender than their physical bodies do. But, think of this for a moment: you are a person who has never felt like you belong in your own skin. You have always acted as the other sex, more than your own. You know why; you are a woman in a man's body or a man in a woman's. You can't afford an expensive surgery to truly show your inner-self, but at least you can dress however you want. Though there is a stigma following you because of how you dress, how you talk, how you love. But you are on SL. In SL, you are a man or a woman; physically and mentally. It helps to ease some of what you go through. It helps you be you.
Now, that is entirely hypothetical, but also in the realm of possibility. Yes, people who have their sex and gender not matching may have severe depression, but maybe there are a few who find a way to keep themselves from falling too low, from maybe committing suicide. Maybe Second Life is something that helps them cope, as there is no stigma or expensive surgery to be saved for. Some in SL are their real sex, others not. Some may be a different sex to create their fantasy, some might do it for fun or a new experience, but what of those who are showing their true selves? Like the situation I gave, some cannot afford the surgery, but with a virtual realm, they can fit in their frame.
We are all unique.
We are all art.
Nothing is wrong with the people, who's genders differ from their sex, finding a way so that the unique piece of art they are can fit into a frame like every other artwork.
Anyhow, am already anticipating the next topics and will likely write something up for those, too.
Hair: Magika Give
Blouse: Mesh Head - Off The Shoulder Blouse (Free, HUD to change colors)
Underwear: :Envious: Love Me Lower (Group Gift, SLurl)
Skin: .::WoW Skins::. Nahla Milk (Kollective June gift)
Shoes: SLX Outfit: Long Dress pumps (pumps come with dress, but the dress itself is nice as well and the skirt changes colors with HUD)
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