Thursday, February 20, 2014

Ryleah: Long Nights

    ((This may or may not be a thing now...))
    I sigh and roll onto my side, so my back is to him, and bite my lip, squeezing my eyes shut. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. No matter what he said, he clearly didn't want me to stay. Maybe a nostalgic part of him did, but not the whole! I should've taken the cash and gotten a cab....but, no, I have to torture myself like this. I could do it now, but...that would seem...rude. Rude to leave while he sleeps. And it was stupid to feel hurt at him saying just what I knew he would; that he has random girls over. But...I just... Fuck.
    I can rationalize this all I want, but deep down I know the truth.
    I swear I'm the only one who deals with their loneliness not by sleeping with whoever. I know that's why Lily is out every night, and...that's why Anis apparently sleeps with random girls. Maybe I should introduce them to one another... Oh, who am I kidding, if I did that I'd probably curl up on my bed for days. But, hell, they might introduce themselves to each other since, after all, Anis seemed to know everything that is going on with me without me having to have said anything. With my luck I'll see him walking out of her apartment one morning. Probably I'd hit him then go curl up on my bed for days.
    I shift a bit so I can trace over the heart on the pillow, but stay laying down, the snores of the small kitten closer to my ear now. I hate being alone myself, but I don't sleep around. I don't sleep around because...everything inside of me is this great big tangle. If it wasn't, likely I'd have no worry about anything. I can't help but wonder how long he's been here, how many women he's had on his...sleeping bags... Don't go there, Ry, you won't get any sleep tonight if ya do...
    The nights I keep spending alone with only my thoughts, and more recently my cat, are always long. Tonight, even though I'm not alone, is going to be long. I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself, since I lack my owl for the night, and try to grab a few more hours of hopefully dreamless sleep, a few more hours of ignorance.

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