((Important note, this is not the same Ry as there has previously been, this is rather her...medieval incarnation *nods* but she was talking in my head after yesterday so...))
I slowly blink my eyes open, somehow having actually managed to fall asleep but once I am able to see clearly, I nearly fall out of the small bed. Somehow i turned around so that my front faces him and so that I'm essentially curled up against him. I freeze for some moments, watching him with wide eyes, before silently slipping form under the cover, taking deep breaths. Oh...he's going to hate me when he wakes up, assuming he remembers what happened. He's going to hate me, call me a witch, look terrified, and run off. Probably he'l forget his shoes and weapons, even, with how desperately he'll want to flee. With him, I swear sometimes I'm the sane one, and that's hard to believe.
I turn in the dark room and kneel near the bed, watching him as best I can int eh dim lighting. The heavy snores of the three drunken people in the room with us, the three who had stopped things before they went too far, the only sound besides his and my breathing. Of course there are some sounds from the tavern below, but not that much since it seems empty. My gaze moves over the lines of his face as he sleeps. Oh, if there's a hell, they've most definitely got a spot reserved for me. First I just assumed that there was no alcohol in that drink, since it didn't smell or taste like anything i was used to, and then I... Then I was stupid, that's what. And the worst part? I know that if he hadn't been drunk, none of that would have happened. He...he doesn't... Damn it. A part of me wishes desperately to know if he might...if he... He's looked to me strangely sometimes, and I still remember how he'd eyed my feet for whatever reason I could never pinpoint. I guess because looking anywhere else would have been blasphemous? No idea. I give a small smile to him and start to reach out to his face, but close my hand into a fist and sigh. I drop my hand to the bed. I remember, too, how he blushed when I asked if he'd make an exception for that brown-eyed girl of his dreams. He said he didn't know. He's so...so... Sweet.
"I'm sorry, Anis, really," I whisper into the night. I wasn't drunk, I should have stopped things. I should have said 'no, you're drunk, just sleep.' But I didn't. I couldn't. I kept telling myself, it's just a kiss. It's not like clothes are coming off. It's just a kiss. A really, really long one. I place my fingers lightly on my lips, still able to feel his on mine. His lips felt and tasted better than I had imagined. And my skin still tingles from where his hand had slipped to the skin of my hip and waist.
I shake my head to clear it of those thoughts. Part of me hopes he remembers, simply so that I don't have to be the only one thinking about this, but most of me hopes he doesn't. If he remembers he'll cry witch and I'll never see him again.
So what if he runs off? It's all only a game.
Not with him. Never with... He means more than that.
But think of it, that one voice in my head insists, if he runs off, you might yet heal, but him? With how he is with those gods of his? He might run off, but he certainly won't forget. Couldn't that be fun instead of longing for him secretly?
It...maybe... At least then.. No! Not with him!
I shake my head against those thoughts as well, but those are harder to be rid of.
"Anis, I...I...I l...I l..." I keep trying to said a word, just one simple word, but it sticks in my throat. It sticks there, refusing to come out because I know he could never feel anything for me. The only reason there were kisses and touches was because he was drunk. He only would make an exception, when it comes to his job and gods, with some brown-eyed girl he might fall in love with, but not me. I'm...being a silly child, that's all.
I blink my eyes quickly against the strange stinging sensation there, take a blanket from under the bed. I make sure the blanket he has is wrapped around him firmly, sicne, if he's like me, once the ehat and flush wears off, he'll be cold for a bit. After some consideration, I put the blanket I just removed back under the bed. No, I won't sleep on the rug tonight, I can just...man up and accept things for what they are. So, with that thought, I climb back into the bed, facing him, and try to gain a bit more sleep since who knows what tomorrow will hold.