Saturday, July 13, 2013

Fear of the Bleak

    Alright, this is a bit after the fact, but in my defense the weather has thrown me off this week as well I keep forgetting my iron pills and have been sleeping early because of that. And, yes, that's also my reasoning for my try at having a Freebie Friday thing is once again going to be more so on...well, today. But I've got pretty pictures if that helps?
    And now I'm rambling.
    But, this week, Strawberry Singh did another of her weekly memes and this time it was about fears. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm afraid of quite a few things; The Grudge movie (American version, and I will never even try to get through the Japanese one. Nuh-uh!), random sounds in the dark (I have an overactive imagination and...well I blame my first fear for this one), heights, roller coasters, dying alone, death itself, death of a loved one, and so on. But most of those are things that are simply part of life and unavoidable or unchangeable or something you don't have too much of a hand in, so they aren't my worst fears. The thing that terrifies me the most, at least for the moment, is not amounting to anything in life. I'm lazy, try to find easy ways for things, and procrastinate, yet I'm somehow still considered 'smart'. I'm not the person who turns in everything early and works extra hard on stuff. I know all this and I admit to it freely, but that doesn't mean I want to not do anything with my life. My say they really want me to finish college and follow my dreams and not just go off and do something else, would be an understatement. I'm not going too much into it, but they want me to succeed for certain reasons. I want to get my master's in psychology and be a child psychologist and the idea of not making it scares me because I don't want to go below my hopes as well i don't want to disappoint my family, probably more so the latter. It might be a weird fear, but I don't want a bleak future where I'm one of those people sitting around, drinking, and only having dreams of what could have been. I want to live my dreams, not only dream them when they are out of reach.
    I know people live some wonderful lives without reaching their 'real' dream, but I don't see that as a possibility for me. I would be too upset with myself and I would just know there is disappointment from my family, so I don't think I'd be happy if I don't reach my goal. I don't like the uncertainty the future holds, but I'm working to have at least one thing go as I hope.
    I try my best. My best isn't, and will likely never be, the best, but it's my best. I just have to keep hoping it'll be enough so that I don't fall short. The saying may be 'shoot for the moon, even if you miss you'll land among the stars', but I'm a pessimist and I see it as more 'shoot for the moon, miss and you'll float about in space.' I don't much want to float about in space since I'm pretty sure that'll be just as terrifying as the possibility of missing my goal.


  1. I've heard lots of scary stories about the Grudge, I haven't seen it as of yet. Now I think I'll make some time to watch it. Thanks for participating!

  2. Ah, yea, I've heard conflicting opinions, but enough think it's scary, inclding myself. And others say the Japanese/original version is worse, non-surprisingly lol